am i going mad?

LegacyUser

I'll try and keep this short, basically don't know whats wrong with me at the moment, kinda hoping someone will have an opinion cuz i feel like i'm going mental recently.
since i left college, i miss seein my friends every day, and have kind of lost touch, see them every few months or so. its been over 2 yrs and everyone else seems to be getting on great with work etc. i still go out with my friends from home most weekends, but feels like we've nothing in common anymore. sometimes i find myself thinking they don't even like me anymore.
thats pretty much it - since i've left college i'm a lot less outgoing, more anxious and just not having a laugh any more. people don't seem interested in talking to me and as well i just say stupid stuff, usen't to be like that at all.
i don't really get on with the girls at work, don't know if i'm being paranoid, but they just seem really snide, and don't seem to have much time for me. making nasty comments about things i say. we don't talk much, and i feel isolated and awkward.
just feelin like a loser at the moment, and finding it hard to have a conversation with ANYONE without this big worry in my head that they're looking at me thinking i'm a big loser.
just wondering if anyone else has gone through the same thing, or how to get past this, sorry it sounds so childish, but its really getting me down at the moment.

red_bairn

I think you should really talk to somebody close to you about this or a auld best friend. With people you know, getting their views would probably help better than asking here, but thats my opinion.

Also perhaps you should take up a new hobby, can meet friends that way.

thebman

Whats a nasty comment they are making about you if you don't mind me asking?

I'd take up a sport if I was you. Doesn't have to be anything to hard or competitve. Afterwards everyone will go for a pint together more than likely. If not quit and join a new club again.

Either that or just contact the people you used to know and like that live somewhat near you and see can you organise a night out. I know its horrible to ring someone you've been out of contact with for a while but you might aswell give it a go. Whats the worst that could happen. You end up not talking to each other like you currently are not talking to each other.

Anyway good luck with it.

Ruu_Old

I think you need to make more of an effort, otherwise you won't go anywhere. When people see you taking the lead and asking them for a night out, they will see what a nice person you are. I think you need a bit more confidence and try to be more assertive. Best of luck.

Black Swan

Time for something new? Break out of the rut you are in? Join a group that does something you are interested in? Be with and interact with others that share your interest? Make new friends with common interests? Maybe you'll find a soul mate there, too, who knows?

CiaranIRE

I'm in the exact same situation and feel 100% the same.

Tried new hobbies etc etc, just doesnt help me, feel like I've wasted 7/8 years of doing nothing when everyone else I know is buying houses, having kids, and I'm living at home, working a dead end job with idiots, who started off at my level and now threat me like an idiot cause they have something and I have nothing.

I'm out on the beer about 5 times a week now to stop me breaking down in tears about getting up the next day.

At the moment my new plan is get a new dead end job til xmas for a change of scenery, and look at options next year.

LegacyUser

CiaranIRE wrote:

I'm in the exact same situation and feel 100% the same.

Tried new hobbies etc etc, just doesnt help me, feel like I've wasted 7/8 years of doing nothing when everyone else I know is buying houses, having kids, and I'm living at home, working a dead end job with idiots, who started off at my level and now threat me like an idiot cause they have something and I have nothing.

I'm out on the beer about 5 times a week now to stop me breaking down in tears about getting up the next day.

At the moment my new plan is get a new dead end job til xmas for a change of scenery, and look at options next year.

Jesus man get a grip, YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE

Colm_OReilly

I'm often surprised by the suggestion that people with confidence issues or people problems should just get a new hobby or join a new social group. Now, I know the intention is good, but without rectifying the actual issue - which is deeper - you'll repeat the same pattern with other people.

Most, if not all, problems stem form inside you. This might be a hard pill to swallow but the good news is that you, and you alone, are capable of solving it.

OP,
With regards to specific, use right now, advice. When engaged in conversation with people, you are currently very focused on yourself, how you feel, how you think you are being perceived, what you're saying, etc. I'm guessing this self consciousness doesn't help you interact and vibe with people very well. Set the intention that you'll be more interested rather than trying to be interesting.

The girls in work: They could be projecting their negativity onto you, they could feel misunderstood, I can't say for sure. BUT you can change the rules of engagement. Right now it feels like a battle. Try to view it as a co-operation and really try to understand them. If they don't want to talk, that's okay.

Of course, the success of all of this largely depends on your commitment to change and doing inner work on yourself and your self image. If you value yourself enough, you might invest in some time with a professional.

Colm

red_bairn

As Colm said, listening to the girls in work would help instead of putting yourself out there. Even if they aren't chatty try asking them some questions by starting up a conversation, i.e. "God, Do you ever find it hard to get into work in the morning?" Can't think of anything, but I'm sure there is some convo you can work up, even if its boring it can turn into something different.

podge79

aaagh wrote:

I'll try and keep this short, basically don't know whats wrong with me at the moment, kinda hoping someone will have an opinion cuz i feel like i'm going mental recently.
since i left college, i miss seein my friends every day, and have kind of lost touch, see them every few months or so. its been over 2 yrs and everyone else seems to be getting on great with work etc. i still go out with my friends from home most weekends, but feels like we've nothing in common anymore. sometimes i find myself thinking they don't even like me anymore.
thats pretty much it - since i've left college i'm a lot less outgoing, more anxious and just not having a laugh any more. people don't seem interested in talking to me and as well i just say stupid stuff, usen't to be like that at all.
i don't really get on with the girls at work, don't know if i'm being paranoid, but they just seem really snide, and don't seem to have much time for me. making nasty comments about things i say. we don't talk much, and i feel isolated and awkward.
just feelin like a loser at the moment, and finding it hard to have a conversation with ANYONE without this big worry in my head that they're looking at me thinking i'm a big loser.
just wondering if anyone else has gone through the same thing, or how to get past this, sorry it sounds so childish, but its really getting me down at the moment.

know how u feel, i was the same in my job...in the end i just started doing stupid things to get noticed but that trick soon got old so i thought that well hey giving up and going back to college might be a great fresh start... how wrong i was i talk to too people during the day ... the busdriver for me ticket and the canteen wan for a sandwich.. havent made any friends or anything and the ones i used to have rarely reply to txts and that... i'm at the same stage as you wondering what the hell to do to get past it.. it's just incredibly lonely and depressing just going through the motions of life

irishsmurf

Everyone here feeling down has to realise, you aren't alone, there are thousands of men(especially) that feel disconnected,In relation to the guy that went back to college, Id try and join societies, they're a great way to make friends,you wouldnt normally meet. I agree with the getting a hobby, there are a thousand hobbies out there, there has to be one, that interests you, and if you dont feel motivated then join a chat room or a forum first and you can talk to people that have the same interests. YOU are in control of YOUR life, even though it might seem you cant do anything to change it/make it better yourself, joining a club, a society, talking to a guidance counciller, a counciller, getting help is YOU! taking control of your life. There is always a light, try and take control, even if it is by just talking to someone, there is a always help. Make a small change and see if it motivates you!