Paranoia or on to something?

LegacyUser

Okay, I was at the doctor today and have male thrush. Its got me thinking more deeply into the faithfulness of my girlfriend. Around 6 months ago we took a 2 week break which to this day she insists she thought we were broken up for. When we got back together I got thrush like symptoms but didnt know what it was and was too busy to see a doc so left it and it healed quickly. Since we have been seeing eachother(11 months), she has gone ape**** if I've tried to look at her phone messages, whereas she has basically monitored everything on mine for the 11 months.I accompanied her to a wedding last week and didnt know any of her mates etc., but as she was a bridesmaid she was at the main table, leaving me to sit with the other wags, but as the groom made a speech mentioning her for helping out etc, one of the groomsmen turned to the fella beside him and motioned the blowjob thing to him looking at my girlfriend and back and they had a giggle. She had to dance with one of them mandatorily afterwards.This has really scarred my mind. She has told me before of how she loves sex and its a huge thing for us, so I'm thinking even before she went out with me she was a town bike or something...it hurts so much to say that. She is early 20's, me late. One time I found her phone and she begged me not to look at it, but I did and it had a text from her old boyfriend being lovey dovey. She claimed that the phone had messed up and old text messages were reappearing on it. I dont know. She wrote me a letter last week saying how much she loved me, but maybe it was borne from guilt. I dont have a lot to go on but am wondering if a lack of trust has made people here break up before?Its killing me.

LegacyUser

singingbird400 wrote:

Okay, I was at the doctor today and have male thrush. Its got me thinking more deeply into the faithfulness of my girlfriend. Around 6 months ago we took a 2 week break which to this day she insists she thought we were broken up for. When we got back together I got thrush like symptoms but didnt know what it was and was too busy to see a doc so left it and it healed quickly. Since we have been seeing eachother(11 months), she has gone ape**** if I've tried to look at her phone messages, whereas she has basically monitored everything on mine for the 11 months.I accompanied her to a wedding last week and didnt know any of her mates etc., but as she was a bridesmaid she was at the main table, leaving me to sit with the other wags, but as the groom made a speech mentioning her for helping out etc, one of the groomsmen turned to the fella beside him and motioned the blowjob thing to him looking at my girlfriend and back and they had a giggle. She had to dance with one of them mandatorily afterwards.This has really scarred my mind. She has told me before of how she loves sex and its a huge thing for us, so I'm thinking even before she went out with me she was a town bike or something...it hurts so much to say that. She is early 20's, me late. One time I found her phone and she begged me not to look at it, but I did and it had a text from her old boyfriend being lovey dovey. She claimed that the phone had messed up and old text messages were reappearing on it. I dont know. She wrote me a letter last week saying how much she loved me, but maybe it was borne from guilt. I dont have a lot to go on but am wondering if a lack of trust has made people here break up before?Its killing me.

Go and google the word "thrush" , advanced search, minus "songbird".

Thrush can be caused by stress and fluctuations in hormones oestrogen specifically. Its a yeast, specifically an overpopulation of same. However it can be passed on by unprotected sex.
If you went to the doctor you should have asked him what thrush was, it might have allayed some of your fears.
And if you were worried, you should have got STD tested generally.

As for some idiot making blowjob signals at the mention of your girlfriend, he's probably just an idiot. I knew blokes in college who did that randomly, I dont know why... probably because they yearned for one..?

the only thing you really have here is the text and the fact that you do not trust your girlfriend.

Treat the thrush. Go for further STD tests. And ask what the text was about.

King of Kings

on to something..methinks


old messages don't just appear on phones...next time it does check the sent date at the bottom...

dunno is thrush exclusively sexually transmitted - i doubt it. but the other stuff sounds dodgy.

But tbh it's not whether she did or didn't - it's about whether you trust her enough to be able to relax and enjoy your relationship - and you can't.
So for peace of mind - get outha there.

catherine22

ok firstly the thrush thing- im not exactly an authority on it but if u have it u can pass it back to your girlfriend and vice versa so it can keep being passed between u both until u both get it treated and secondly i have had thrush before and not got it from a boyfriend, its a yeast infection that i think girls can get- wearing thongs, washing down there with soap, etc so dont take the thrush thing as a sign that she has cheated on you.

secondly the fact that u think she maybe has cheated on u- its very ross and rachel ''we were on a break''- sorry couldnt resist. on the basis of what u have said in ur post i would be suss- phones dont bring back old messages and even if they did delete them!! i would suggest u try and talk to her sit her down and explain ur thoughts. it does sound like something has gone on in the past, maybe nothing is going on now but she does owe it to you to be honest about what has gone on previously- i dont think couples should have secrets especially ones hat may cause embarssment at weddings!!

i dont think u are parnoid but unless u talk to her it will eat u up, be straight with her, can u see urself spending the rest of ur life with her, if not get rid now dont waste ur time but if u think she is the one try and work through it!

ps she does sound very controlling or at least nosey, as far as im concerned phones are so private-they are like diaries and maybe shes checking ur phone because she knows the msgs she getting from ex's and wants to make sure u arent getting the same

Waltons

I'd have to agree with King. She's being awfully contradictory with keeping close tabs on you, yet wanting free reign on her phone.
I'd really doubt that old text messages are appearing on the phone, especially if she was begging you not to have a look at it...

Up to you, naturally, but I'd be out of there - letter or no letter.

Talliesin

Trush can be sexually transmitted, but that isn't the only, or even the main way to get it (what the **** to you think the infants that get it at 2months old are up to?).

I'm wondering what sort of activity you mean by "basically monitoring everything" since a lot of the rest looks like you're hunting for molehills to feed into your mountain-o-matic2000.

Faith

Jaysus, you get thrush from taking a course of anti-biotics or wearing incorrect underwear! It's incredibly common and isn't an STI, although it can be transmitted sexually. Men can develop it too, on their own, without catching it from somebody.

If that's what has your knickers in a twist, then you're just being paranoid.

Actually, I think you're being paranoid, full stop. If you're that concerned, ask her straight out did she "cheat" on you. And I think you've no right to be pissed off if she slept with someone(s) else while you were broken up.

Orange69

Man, she is making a complete mong of you, kick that bitches ass to the kerb..

You should have spat in her face when you saw that first text.. Its sad that guys out there are such idiots when it comes to women.. You could be doing much better things with your time while waiting for someone who isnt a lying whore to come along..

I know im a little harsh but i lost my trust of women a long time ago and im only 25!

Black Swan

singingbird400 wrote:

I dont have a lot to go on but am wondering if a lack of trust has made people here break up before?Its killing me.

No trust, no relationship. Could be innocent, or not. Get with her and mutually resolve these trust issues, or move on.

The Sweeper

I think you should split up with your girlfriend.

If you equate her loving sex, and possibly having a number of sexual partners before you, to 'being the town bike', then it's obvious that you have very, very different attitudes to sex. This will result in you being jealous, paranoid, and possibly becoming controlling, limiting her contact with people you are suspicious of, refusing to talk about certain times in your lives in case you have to hear about something, so on and so forth. You'll make both her and yourself utterly miserable.

If you girlfriend had multiple sexual partners before you, that's nothing to do with you.

If she had sexual partners while you were split up, that's also nothing to do with you.

If you're worried about an STD, get tested.

And there's not a single sentence to do with that wedding where I can find a reason for you to be annoyed. Of course you didn't get to sit with her if she was a bridesmaid. Of course she had to dance with one of the groomsmen. Of course the groom thanked her for helping out. As for the blowjob gesture - that could literally have been anything. Was it even definitely a blowjob gesture? It seems you had an overall poor experience at a wedding where you knew nobody, and are laying the blame for that at your girlfriend's feet.

humanji

Well you don't trust her and it seems that she doesn't really trust you. So why are you going out together. Move on and be happy.

LegacyUser

I hate the way on these boards sometimes people do the "you either trust someone or you dont - if you dont break up".

Come on guys, its not as easy as that. And dont even make out like ye are all like that. So in control, its like "Jane, I dont trust you, get out".

Its very cold to be like that. Not as black and white as you would think.

People want to trust other people. You dont just trust someone, you have to gain that trust.

If the OP cant gain that trust from this girl, then there is something wrong.

OP if you explain why you are feeling insecure and that trust is important to you, Im sure that something can be resolved. If she doesnt care that this is an important issue for you, then she is not worth it.

Talliesin

Orange69 wrote:

I know im a little harsh but i lost my trust of women a long time ago and im only 25!

Clearly there is either a problem with all of the women in the world, or a problem with you. Occam's razor says...

Lynfo

Orange69 wrote:

Man, she is making a complete mong of you, kick that bitches ass to the kerb..

You should have spat in her face when you saw that first text.. Its sad that guys out there are such idiots when it comes to women.. You could be doing much better things with your time while waiting for someone who isnt a lying whore to come along..

I know im a little harsh but i lost my trust of women a long time ago and im only 25!

Very mature...

LegacyUser

Sorry dude but old messages do not just magically reappear on phones. If she is checking your phone, then do the same.

greenkittie

MinesBIGSLUT wrote:

If you girlfriend had multiple sexual partners before you, that's nothing to do with you.

If she had sexual partners while you were split up, that's also nothing to do with you.

I think if people are having a relationship, everything to do with their past and present is the business of the other person.

The Sweeper

Their business in what way, exactly?

Talliesin

greenkittie wrote:

I think if people are having a relationship, everything to do with their past and present is the business of the other person.

It's your business if they have physical or psychological issues due to their past. It's your business in so far as they are in your life and their past affects them.

That they did something which would be infidelity if they did it now, prior to the relationship, but you don't believe in no sex at all before marriage, then that is hardly something for a well-balanced individual to have problems with.

akw_old

Orange69 wrote:

Man, she is making a complete mong of you, kick that bitches ass to the kerb..

You should have spat in her face when you saw that first text.. Its sad that guys out there are such idiots when it comes to women.. You could be doing much better things with your time while waiting for someone who isnt a lying whore to come along..

I know im a little harsh but i lost my trust of women a long time ago and im only 25!

this lad's an idiot. (Not you OP).

firstly, text dont magically reappear on a phone, it has nothing to do with the phone it would be the operator who would be re-sending them, and trust me it wouldnt happen.

secondly, i would be annoyed if she slept with someone during your 2-week break. 2 weeks isnt a long time for her to find someone else to sleep with, although you only think she did and have no proof.

thirdly, you are being fairly paranoid about the wedding, we all do it, its whats happens when you like someone alot.

i think you should talk to her about the texts at least, and if the break up things is really on your mind ask her.

Sam Vimes

singingbird400 wrote:

One time I found her phone and she begged me not to look at it, but I did and it had a text from her old boyfriend being lovey dovey. She claimed that the phone had messed up and old text messages were reappearing on it.

i can assure you thats not true

dr.bollocko

King of Kings wrote:

on to something..methinks


old messages don't just appear on phones...next time it does check the sent date at the bottom...

dunno is thrush exclusively sexually transmitted - i doubt it. but the other stuff sounds dodgy.

But tbh it's not whether she did or didn't - it's about whether you trust her enough to be able to relax and enjoy your relationship - and you can't.
So for peace of mind - get outha there.

Speaking as a former employee of a large mobile company, this is not true. It is possible that if a phone is very full of memory, or there is a lot of throughput, ie large volume texts in and out, the phones rather simple memory addressing policy can cause mistakes, link together incorrect messages and also indicate that parts of old messages could have been just sent. Its unlikely, but it definitely does happen, very occasionally. In most cases though, an incorrectly memory filed message would start with "...some text missing" and then continue, though again, this is not always the case. However, and this is important, the only way an OLD message could get mixed up with a new one is if the old one was stored on the phone the whole time. there is no way that the phone network pulled an old sms out of the air and sent it to her, the old sms would have to be on the phone for it to get mixed up with a new SMS. I have only ever seen this occur on nokia phones.

Other than that, you have to confront your girlfriend about this. I mean if you dont trust her, of course there is no relationship. It sounds to me like you really dont trust her. In a situation like that, I would not be happy at all, and probably seek to end the relationship.
Also I dont think your lack of trust hinges on whether or not she saved a message from her ex or whether or not her ex did send her a message. Grab her phone again. **** it. find your proof!

Talliesin

akw wrote:

text dont magically reappear on a phone, it has nothing to do with the phone it would be the operator who would be re-sending them, and trust me it wouldnt happen.

Yeah, message delivery systems with only a best-attempt guarantee never repeat messages months into the future. No-one's ever seen that happen with e-mail or SMS :rolleyes:

Orange69

Talliesin wrote:

Clearly there is either a problem with all of the women in the world, or a problem with you. Occam's razor says...

If i had dates all the women in the world then your dumb little statement would be true but as this is impossible ill ask you to pound it in you ass!!!

Gordon

akw wrote:

this lad's an idiot. (Not you OP).

Less of that thanks. This forum does not accept such remarks.

Although, judging by post 23 then maybe you're right. Orange69 banned from PI and I don't see a bright future ahead of him in general.