Advice Please

LegacyUser

I shall keep this brief. I'm 29. About six weeks ago I met a guy in his mid-thirties, we really hit it off, saw each other once a week and were really enjoying a fun-filled, really sexy enjoyable time together, nothing serious but heaps of fun. Last time I was with him over three weeks ago he said (lets call me Cinderella) "Cinderella, can I be completely honest with you, I have to tell you something". Of course me being neurotic thought oh oh, he's going to say he is married/is dying/has a strange fetish for chocolate hob-knobs. He merely mentioned that some time ago he was very seriously stalked by an ex girlfriend who amde his life such hell through following him/constant phoning it almost ended up with the police being involved. He told me "Cinderella, she has only just gone and started contacting me again, it's freaking me out a bit". Discussed it a little bit and then had a wonderful passionate night together. Then NOTHING. Nada. I texted him 10 days after seeing him. Nothing. So then two weeks elapsed and I said I was a bit sad I hadn't heard from him and if he wants to hook up again great, if I don't hear from him again I know where to go as I have some diginity. He replied with "Sorry, having serious problems with the ex. Will call you as soon as I have them sorted". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN EXACTLY? I was having lots of fun with this guy and I never came on to strong/plagued him with texts or calls. Am I being given the brush off or should I believe what he says and just leave it. And if so, for how long before I lose hope altogether?!!! Thanks for reading, would value your opinions.

tbh

not knowing the guy, I wouldn't have a clue.

BUT! I'll say this. Your future happiness is not dependant on what this guy does or doesn't do. It's a pain. Sometimes it happens, and if he is giving you the brush-off, my dear cinders, you've had a lucky escape. If not, it'll be cool. Find something, or someone, else to occupy your mind, and bobs your uncle.

Black Swan

abitsad wrote:

Then NOTHING. Nada. I texted him 10 days after seeing him. Nothing. So then two weeks elapsed and I said I was a bit sad I hadn't heard from him and if he wants to hook up again great, if I don't hear from him again I know where to go as I have some diginity. He replied with "Sorry, having serious problems with the ex. Will call you as soon as I have them sorted". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN EXACTLY?

Difficult to tell. The fact that he did not respond to your 10 day text is not a good sign. His situation may be more trouble than it's worth?

Catari Jaguar

Thats really hard to tell, but maybe you should just back off and wait til he gets in contact or forget about him. You don't want him thinking you're a stalker ex...:D

stipey

I'd say it means something along the lines of he's having some serious problems with his ex and that he will call you as soon as he has them sorted.

You don't know the guy that long, why not give him the benefit of the doubt - in general we don't really do hidden meanings and subtlety very well anyway.

Assume he means what he said but don't hang all your hopes on it. Adopt a wait and see approach and if he's good to his word then great - if he's not, well hopefully you will have made the decision to get on with your life in the interim so you will have lost nothing.

Santa Claus

Just from reading it I get a very strong "married guy going through a messy divorce but doesn't want to scare you off with that fact" vibe.

peasant

my take on it ...

If he's lying, he's not worth it anyway.

If he's not, then there may be things going on that to me sound fairly serious and freaky and it would be a very good idea to stay well clear and out of the picture. (Stalker woman may vent her fury on you if she's made aware of you)

Even if this does not involve a "bunny-boiler" scenario and the ex is not a psychopath and simply unwilling / unable to let go ...in that case he's probably not quite over her yet either, otherwise he wouldn't be devoting so much time to sort this "issue" with her.

I'd move on ...

LegacyUser

abitsad wrote:

I shall keep this brief. I'm 29. About six weeks ago I met a guy in his mid-thirties, we really hit it off, saw each other once a week and were really enjoying a fun-filled, really sexy enjoyable time together, nothing serious but heaps of fun. Last time I was with him over three weeks ago he said (lets call me Cinderella) "Cinderella, can I be completely honest with you, I have to tell you something". Of course me being neurotic thought oh oh, he's going to say he is married/is dying/has a strange fetish for chocolate hob-knobs. He merely mentioned that some time ago he was very seriously stalked by an ex girlfriend who amde his life such hell through following him/constant phoning it almost ended up with the police being involved. He told me "Cinderella, she has only just gone and started contacting me again, it's freaking me out a bit". Discussed it a little bit and then had a wonderful passionate night together. Then NOTHING. Nada. I texted him 10 days after seeing him. Nothing. So then two weeks elapsed and I said I was a bit sad I hadn't heard from him and if he wants to hook up again great, if I don't hear from him again I know where to go as I have some diginity. He replied with "Sorry, having serious problems with the ex. Will call you as soon as I have them sorted". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN EXACTLY? I was having lots of fun with this guy and I never came on to strong/plagued him with texts or calls. Am I being given the brush off or should I believe what he says and just leave it. And if so, for how long before I lose hope altogether?!!! Thanks for reading, would value your opinions.

to me that would translate as still seeing the "ex", think your great, but you're on the long finger until I decide what to do.
But thats just me.

turbot

Maybe he's doing it to protect you, as it sounds like you got on well.

0utshined

My take on this as a guy is that you should forget this guy.

Whatever about a day or two, we're talking about 2 weeks of radio silence here. If he was interested in you he could have made some type of contact. Even if he had to ditch his phone for a few days he could still have dropped you a quick text or something.

Given his age I'm inclined to agree with Santa Claus. It doesn't matter if he's goivin you the brush off or not, give him the brush off. If he was interested at all he could have come up with a better excuse. ( His excuse was really lame btw )

blue banana

It's all a bit sus IMO. Even if it was true that he's being stalked by the ex, can he not get on with his own life in the meantime? Does everything (including you) have to be put on the backburner till it all get's sorted? How does he manage to get on with all other aspects of his life, going to work etc. I think if it was me I would assume that I had been given the flick and I'd move on...... I know it's easier said than done if you are really in to him.

dubgirl

just_meeser wrote:

to me that would translate as still seeing the "ex", think your great, but you're on the long finger until I decide what to do.
But thats just me.[/QUOTE

completely agree here - sorry

LegacyUser

Hi op - listen, i was in the same situation a few years back. i had broken up with my ex and had started seeing someone else, but my ex decided to go all psycho on me. he began stalking me, calling me at work, texting me constantly, threatening to come to my home/work and "get me". it was an awful, scary, traumatic time and im still feeling the effects of it. i make light of it here, but in reality, it was a horrendous time for me and my family.

the guy i was seeing was the most wonderful guy. i knew i wanted to continue seeing him, but with all that turmoil going on,my head was in bits and on top of it all, i was scared for his safety. i didnt want him to become inbroiled in all the stuff between me and my ex, so i tried to keep him at a distance. it was awful for me, he couldnt understand why - why was i "choosing" my violent ex over him, why was i ignoring him etc. i wanted to deal with it and not have him involved.

see OP, he may have you in mind more than you think. i would say give him some space, let him know you are there for him to talk, to help, and that you will be there at the end of it. and hope the poor guy can get through it all unscathed.

best of luck OP, i hope it all goes ok. I am still with my guy, he stuck with me and supported me. we're buying a house together and hope to get married next year

Talliesin

If he's spinning a yarn:
Dump him.

If he's being truthful:
People being stalked panic, understandably enough, so even if the situation isn't so bad as would make it sensible to distance himself from you he may well feel it is. In the meantime, whether he's being sensible in his degree of caution or not, there's no need for you to put your life on hold, so forget about him, at least for the time being.

dr.bollocko

I dont think that you can assume that he is lying to you just yet, or that he is still with his ex. I mean, you do not sound like a doormat, so you are within your rights to say "Look, thats fair enough, I understand if you are having trouble with your ex, but I would really rather know whats going on with US, or else we can just leave it at that."
U know, if its just answers that you are looking for, and you ask him for the answers you might again be pleasantly surprised by this guy. Then again, if he isnt willing, i would just move on and chalk it up to a mostly pleasant experience.