The Story of my 2nd Crush

LegacyUser

Well, here's my story. I hope that it, and the answers it raises, help any teenagers out there who are scared of rejection, or wondering how someone else is considering them, or is consumed by fear of other people, or anyone else who looks at this and says "that's like me!".

It all starts within my group of drinking freinds. I was lucky to get involved in a group activity in my teens, otherwise I was a terrible sociophobe, and I still listen much, much more than I speak.

There was this girl among the group who, two years ago, started a new job in a different part of the country. When she left, I found myself drawn to missing her. It was a gradual thing that developed, after only seeing her at Christmas I ended up thinking about her a lot, then it got suggested to me I was falling for her. I scoffed at the suggestion at the time, but as winter became spring, then summer, I privately could think of nothing else. I denied it, but I couldn't wait for her to come back around on her holidays. The time came, and we were all sitting in a new pub. I was as smitten as I had ever been with anyone, but with being smitten came fear. A huge fear. It consumed me. "Asking someone out" was, at the time, as far out of my comfort zone as you could get, save threatening my life. (I haven't anything as bad nowadays, since I've seen someone about my sociophobia thankfully)

In any case, the answer was given before anything could be said. She was talking all about her new boyfreind. I was told after that people were concerned I was acting strangely towards her, and made sure I didn't get to speak with her (Not out of malice, but genuine concern about me not doing something stupid.) After the night finished, I went to bed devastated.

I continued to remain the same, secretly smitten but trying to keep a freindship, even giving her supportive messages when she wanted to quit the job. that lasted about two months until I shared (what I know now as) personal information about her sports performance with a freind. I sent the message to her phone as well, and the freind pulled me aside to tell me she was upset. I was horrified. I left a message apologising about it and telling her about how I had wanted to ask her out in August, but didn't because of the boyfreind, and I wanted to remain freinds.

Since then, we've been aquaintances more than freinds. Due to our circumstances, we kept touch occasionally with messages. I was never sure whether she did or didn't care for me (I know a relationship was out of the question, even when she became single again.) I thought about it. Obsessed over it. Gradually her job conditions changed, and we (the drinking group) got to see more of her. I kept pretty much the same, my logical side saying "move on" but emotionally still thinking about her all the time. I felt she was attempting to ignore me, to keep me at arm's length.

Then, 3 weeks ago, I snapped. During a complete downward turn, I sent a text accusing her of ignoring me. She was, unsurprisingly, pissed (not the drink kind). Again, I felt horrible, and in a moment of clarity/madness (I thought clarity at the time, but I'm veering towards madness now) I told her what I did was selfish and callous, and that I still had feelings for her and that if she gave me a few months I'd be able to speak to her again.

We're not on speaking terms now. I tried to put it all behind us last weekend when the group shared a few drinks, and yes I got replies from her, but that was only within the group. At the start of the night, her and another of the group came into the pub. I'd been first in (just happened, was 1st off work) and was at the bar. I greeted the two of them, and we all moved to seats. the guy went to the bar and herself & myself made to sit down. I took my seat, but as soon as I said "hi", she got back up and joined the guy getting drinks.

That is the way things are as I type. I'd like to get the freindship back, and not be paranoid about what other people think of me, because that's what got me into this mess in the first place. I can't avoid her, because she's a part of the group, who've seen her as little as I have. I considered dissappearing from the group for a while, but that's not what I do. As far as I can see, what will probably happen is we will sit across from each other in the bar, talking to others in the group, maybe exchanging two or three sentence exchanges, but nothing else.

Your thoughts?

LegacyUser

Man's greatest asset & his greatest failing is his imagination.

Black Swan

You are still smitten by her. It shows in your post. I'll bet she realises it, too, as do your friends in the group you frequent? Although she may have been friendly towards you, she apparently did not share your feelings towards her? If you wish to continue sharing in the group, and perhaps reacquire a friendship with her someday, you have to chill out, relax, and let her go her own way. Be polite towards her, but don't try to make any extraordinary effort to mead the fences. It will just put her more on the defensive. And get over her, and move on.