Levels of attraction

LegacyUser

Just a question for all the people out there in a long term relationship or have been in one before...

When you met your partner/s did you feel a lot of attraction to them at first and think to yourself “I want to be with this person no doubt” or was it a gradual increase in love/affection/attraction over time.

I have been in a couple of long term relationships and a few short term ones in my life and have found that I have really only wanted to go out with one of these girls from day 1. The rest kinda grew on me over the space of a few weeks/months. The reason I ask this is sometime I think that I may be too choosey with women I go for and have too high expectations of the level of attraction I should have for them from the moment I meet them. Currently I have been seeing a girl for a few weeks (I’m 28, She is 26) and she is a really nice person who is quite attractive but I just don’t feel anything really i.e there is no real spark. I am contemplating no seeing her anymore but another side to me thinks that I should just give it a go and see what happens as my interest in someone has grown in previous relationships in the past. These have all ended though obviously…so maybe I should have stuck to my first judgement and ended it sooner rather than later….

Black Swan

Some would say: No spark, no future. But then again, how do some friends later become grand lovers? Everyone's so different, so individual, that to come up with a general plan is doomed to failure. Try to see the individual you are dating, get to really know them, and for them to know you. Then make your decision about that unique person (as they will have to decide about you).

LegacyUser

Welcome to the real world. Attraction is such a cliche when it comes to personal issues eg people try and ignore what they really think about attraction in statements like "looks aren't the only thing" etc. These people are trying to cover up their real feelings with these statements.
Mate you are like me, I like a pretty face and nice body, but its cr*p without a nice natural smile, naturally pleasant and welcoming personality and sometimes if she average looking with just nice eyes, or nice lips then I'll have my head in after her.
If there is no spark save time and end it, the girl deserves better than to be stringed along!!! I hate guys who deceive women, a sign of sneakiness in a person! I aint no saint but I've always been honest about how I feel about my gfs. The one I'm with now is gonna have my son next month so we don't all feel that bad!:)

Bottom line, attraction is VERY important; but I find an attractive woman physically ugly when she's vain, ignorant, arrogant etc. I look for their bad features eg nose, face shape, body shape and you always find something wrong!!! Then you feel good and laugh and appreciate who you got! Attraction is like a prescription, only suits you!

Talliesin

Are you having fun with her in the meantime - whether good chats, good sex, good whatever?

If so, and if she isn't looking for things to be more serious than you're ready for with her, then grand. Maybe something will blossom, maybe not, but if things are good for now let them be good for now.

If you aren't even enjoying dating her then you might as well end it.

If she's getting into you quite seriously, but you aren't even near to matching that, then it's only fair to end it.

misswex

I can only post from my own experience but any of the guys that I've have dated I have really found them attractive and wanted to go out with them. Tried going out with a guy that I wasn't attracted to and it just fizzled out after a couple of dates as the spark wasn't there.

So in my opinion if your not attracted to her you probably just let her go and find someone you are unless she knows the score and is happy to just carry on - got to be honest about it to her anyway.

free2fly

Well, I have someone in my life right now who I considred a friend when we first started out. I was somewhat attracted to him, but not hugely attracted to him. Our relationship has progressed over the past few months and I grown to care deeply about him. And with that caring my attraction for him has grown as well. But I suppose in the long run it all depends on you and what you are looking for

GAA widow

no spark, move on. not fair on her or you. there's no point in plodding along in a relationship just for the sake of it.
as regards standards - go for who you fancy. there's someone for everyone and all that!

craichoe

Sure give it a go i'd say ..

I have the opposite problem,

Great sex, no relationship/friendship, well there is, but not what im used to ,its kinda new to me ..

Best sex ever though ! .. woo hoo !

watna

Sparks can definitely grow. I always have to be friends with someone before anythig can happen. I've been with my boyfriend for about two months now but we were friends for months beforehand. I knew he was interested in me in a romantic way and I used to worry about it because I really didn't want anything to happen in that way, but I liked spending time with him.

Anyway, he just laid it all down on the table one day and I decided I'd give it a go for a bit and see how I felt. Now I'm crazy about him and I get those butterflies in my tummy when he kisses me. They certainly didn't happen at the beginning!

Give the girl you're seeing a few more weeks, you never know!