Yet another what should I do.

LegacyUser

Right here's the background, 21 male, at uni still living at home with the parents and now for the story:

Known a girl from online for 2years+ (in the uk) talk most days and well she's invitied me to go clubbing in liverpool at the weekend, question is how to do I put this to my parents without them instantly going "no chance?" (just saying 'ere im off for the weekend wont work, as there very controlling about where I go, what I do etc and its getting a bit mad I think?)

Any tips on what I can do?

Talliesin

"Bye, see you Monday"

Yeah, I know that's exactly what you said wouldn't work, but it's still what I think you should say.

Idbatterim

your 21, like the previous poster said, say bye and see you monday! you know this could almost be a troll! at 21 if this is what they are like get out of there!

Black Swan

21 and male? Time to show a little independence. Go see the UK girl.

meglome

Jaysus personally when I was 17-18 I'd say I'd be back in an hour and wouldn't return for three days. Not intentionally mind, it'd just work out that way. My parents were strictish when I was younger but once I hit 15 I did it my way. It started with the summer holidays, I refused to go and they just had to go without me or stay as well. In fairness my parents respected that I was very independent and showed faith. The point is you need to ween your parents off their current way of thinking. So go on this trip and if they don't like it tough. I'd really like to hear why a 21 male shouldn't travel on a short flight to meet a friend for a few days. The least you should expect is a decent logical reason why you shouldn't go and I don't think there is one.

super_furry

You've got to assert your independence. Either that or move out.

Marksie

Look at flights or ferry tickets.

I assume as well you wont need financial help from them.

Time to take a stand.. they no longer have the right to refuse you.

If they hit you with the "under our roof" cr+p
... as one poster said move out.

Its the only way to make them realise that you are not a child anymore.

dr.bollocko

Its time to sound off like you have a pair!
A 21 year old shouldn't be worried about leaving home, its time that you asserted your adulthood, as you ARE an adult, and told them what the situation is. Its difficult for parents to go from having a son / daughter that they take care of and have a certain amount of control over to having a son that has their own ideas about how the world works. It might ease the transition from child to adult in your parents eyes if you moved out for a few months as soon as is financially possible, but really, it has to start with you asserting what you want to do, right away.

LegacyUser

I wish i was trolling. but just told em, and as expected they've flew off the handle accusing me of wrecking there weekend etc and the ever favourite "sure could ya not put it off to another time" and basically just trying to gulit me out of it.
Now im stuck with a silence and a "do whatever the feck u want" atmosphere.
But im saying that, I think those that replied are right, time to move on and get on with things, time for some flat hunting methinks.

You're 21!!! :eek: Seriously, it is not normal that your parents are that protective. My parents were really strict as well and they still are but once I was 18, it was my business where I went. I went to Morocco, you're going to England - not very far at all. Don't see why they'd worry or anything. If you have the money I'd say it is time to move out.

Zulu

Mr Fed Up wrote:

...time to move on and get on with things, time for some flat hunting methinks.

....so you're going to wuss out of it again then?

Or have you booked a ticket for the weekend? If you haven't booked tickets, you need to grow a pair. Start acting like a man, and you might get treated like one.

spinandscribble

truth is if you act like its a big deal to them, they're more likely to make a issue of it. put your foot down. cut the stings

thebman

Mr Fed Up wrote:

Now im stuck with a silence and a "do whatever the feck u want" atmosphere.

Problem solved. If they want to act like that fine but your 21 FFS. My parents were like this when I was younger, thank god for college.

But im saying that, I think those that replied are right, time to move on and get on with things, time for some flat hunting methinks.

Yeah, get the hell out of there. I'm at home at 22 after getting out of college. Thought I'd be glad to be back here, can't wait to leave after a couple of months because of parents constantly annoying me.

Leave, you'll wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

phantom_lord

That's crazy. You're 21! How can your parents have a problem with u heading off for the weekend??

Idbatterim

Lads give the guy a break! you are not being selfish, just go over and have fun, seriously i can understand protection to a point, but its way beyond reasonable, and they sound like the kind of parents who wouldnt never understand or be prepared to compromise. you might be better off waiting till your done with college to get out, if it would really screw you up having to work part time to pay for everything thats involved when you move out. you know your own situation best... let us know how things go

Rb

As long as the trip isn't coming out of their pocket, I can't really see the problem they have with you going on it. Even if you're an only child, they're being way too overprotective, you're a big boy now and you're fully entitled to go out and enjoy what the world has to offer, and take any consequences on your own. They're still your parents, but you've grown up and its time to get out from under their wings and assert your independence as an adult.

Besides, they're your parents, its nothing they won't get over.

Ruu_Old

phantom_lord wrote:

That's crazy. You're 21! How can your parents have a problem with u heading off for the weekend??

A bit a strange alright. My folks used to do the same when I was a bit younger until I went away for one weekend on my own to my sisters place in England. After that there was no problems. I guess they were just worried but I'm not sure what the case is here.
They will get it over it.

cance

fair play, their silence will fade when you get back, and you now have your independance.

enjoy your trip!

craichoe

Yeh,

I think parents still think of kids as their kids no matter what age they are, mothers more so that fathers ...

I get that guilt trip thing every so often, doesn't really bother me i still do my own thing. Thank god i dont live at home.

GrumPy

21? uni? You shouldn't have to ask permission to go away for the weekend/go out with a friend etc...:rolleyes:

Follow the advice alreayd given

"Goin out tonight to met a friend, see ya tomorrow, I have my phone if ya need me"

It really should be that simple for someone your age by now ffs.

Alter-Ego

Accusing you of ruining their weekend? Sounds awfully selfish on their part imo.

Reality is, you're an adult. If you go whether they want you or not they'll get the idea that you're your own person.

It shouldn't be an issue at 21. Hasn't been for me since i was about 15/16.

0utshined

Mr Fed Up wrote:

Right here's the background, 21 male, at uni still living at home with the parents and now for the story:

Uuuughghgh. I stayed at home when I was in college and I swear to god if I ever have kids they are out the door and living away from home and learning about life when they leave school. Your parents think they're helping you but they're not. You need to be out of their house and in your own home even if it's shared. I had to move back in with mine when I was 22 for a few months and even though I love them there is no way I could live with them. Until you move out you don't realise how much your freedom is restricted even if it is unintentional. If you're 21 you're probably in final year so just get out dude! Okay, rant over, but you needed to hear that.


Anyway, you've told them you want to go to a friend and they've said that you're going to wreck their weekend. Well to be honest, if having you there is such a benefit to their weekend then that's a problem they really need to address. A problem for them, not for you. Jeez, they should be delighted you're not going to be there and that they have some space to themselves.

If you have the cash then book your ticket. If you need to get a lift from them to the airport and they won't bring you then get a bus or a taxi. Actually get a bus or a taxi regardless, you don't need to rely on them. Have an excellent weekend away and be glad you did it. You're young, enjoy life.

As for the silent treatment, don't stress it. I can't stand that passive-aggressive búllshít. My attitude, as yours should be, is this : If someone has a problem but they can't be bothered to tell me directly then it's going to stay their problem, not mine. I can't read minds but I can hear words. The silent treatment is for kids who can't express themselves, if you're an adult and still using it you need to grow up.

Lust4Life

So... what's the deal?
You said they told you that you ruined their plans?
Did they have big plans and were hoping you'd keep the home fires burning?

It just doesn't sound like you're giving the whole scenario here.
(God! I sound like a parent, don't I? )

0utshined

I dunno Lust4Life, what he said was this :

Mr Fed Up wrote:

...accusing me of wrecking there weekend etc and the ever favourite "sure could ya not put it off to another time" and basically just trying to gulit me out of it.

Which to me sound like "another time" AKA some ( no-specified) time in the future AKA the never-never. To me it sounds like they just want to try and get him to forget about it. Unless of course they had plans and needed him to stay home in which case TOO BAD!!!!! He is 21, an adult, and they can't presume he'll be there to suit all their plans without checking if they suit him too. They should learn this.

Catari Jaguar

My dad was like that, drove me mad. I couldn't stay in my boyfs house, he'd ring when i was out late to see where i was and all this s**t. he finally snapped n kicked me out after a massive row, thinkin i cudnt fend for myself. But I left, now 5 months later I'm happier than ever, moved out. and he cant say anything. Now whatever i do is my business. I love the freedom. Just tell them they cant control u and ur a grown up, but u appreciate their concern and u know they have your best interests at heart, but u feel like you can take over your own life now.

Catari Jaguar

Just another point to add, my cousins boyf is 27, still living at home. They wont let him move out cos they'd be lonely, or drive cos its too dangerous and he cant have sex in the house. My cousin n him sleep in separate rooms when she stays the parents come in and say its time for her to go into the other room cos its getting late, it's so pathetic. 27! So unless you stand up to them now, that could be you. no word of a lie!

BreadBoard

OP get out there in the big bad world and when you do you'll see it's not bad or even big.

Have fun while your young !