Depressed friend

LegacyUser

Hi all,

My friend is in a bad way at the moment and I need some advice as to how best I can help. She's suffering from severe depression and is in hospital because she is also suicidal. I've been to visit three times now, and she's very frank and honest about everything. Its just so upsetting as she doesn't seem to want to live. I know she's in the best place, but what can I do to help other than listen? Should I increase my visits? And also, what happens when she comes out of hospital? How do I help then? She'll be living with her parents but I'm welcome there anytime. I guess I'm just finding it difficult as I think the world of her. She has everything going for her and is the most special person I know. Any advice or comments would be much appreciated....xxx

Talliesin

Mainly just listen. Be there for her. Let her know how you feel about her (don't just shut up if she doesn't seem to want to hear it, but don't go on too much either). Don't be afraid to get a bit angry with her if you find yourself getting angry, but do keep that anger under control - bottling up and freaking out are not the only too options.

If there are practical things you can help with then do, but don't become someone she can't cope without.

Do fun stuff with her if she seems in the mood for it, but don't pressure her into doing such things because it seems like it's been too long since she's let her hair down or whatever.

Look after yourself too and don't let it get you too down.

Ruu_Old

Probably the best advice above. Try to keep your friend busy as best you can so she can stay in a positive frame of mind.

Black Swan

Be a friend. Be there for her.

LegacyUser

Could you take her away for a weekend maybe? It's a big responsibility and you would have to keep an eye on her,etc, but a change of scenery could help a little bit. Travel and new things may bring back a little spark inside her, a little joie de vivre/excitement?

Victor

For someone who is depressed, keeping them busy is important, so that their mind doesn't stray into intrusive thoughts. Keeping busy might be something as simple as chatting over coffee.

Having a specific thing to do at a specific time, a responsibility, is also important, it means one gets out of bed.

py2006

Victor wrote:

For someone who is depressed, keeping them busy is important, so that their mind doesn't stray into intrusive thoughts. Keeping busy might be something as simple as chatting over coffee.

Having a specific thing to do at a specific time, a responsibility, is also important, it means one gets out of bed.

Yea I would have to agree with this. As somebody who has suffered very severely with depression for the past few years and very close to falling off the edge altogether, I can say that keeping busy is a good help.

I started college at night and on weekends I try to stay away from sitting in front of tv on computer too much and it has lifted my spirits somewhat.

Plus some regular exercise!

pbsuxok1znja4r

Em, I have a question, what do you when you don't even live in anywhere near the person in question? That's the situation I'm in with my friend. How do you help when your only contact is on the phone and online? Though they aren't quite at the point of being suicidal, but they're awfully, awfully down for a while now.
It feels like just "being there" for them is never enough.

CathyMoran

Have similar problems to the OP, the thing is that I have just been diagnosed with a very aggressive type of cancer and they are saying that I am the reason that they went over the edge, I feel bad about it but am also trying to cope with the fact that I may die.

Should I force them to get medical assistance? Am run ragged just trying to keep myself together at this time and everyone else seems to be really depressed over what is happening to me.

I think that being there for your friend is the only thing that you can do - she is lucky to have you as a friend.

Sorry for the rant, am a bit stressed out myself.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the comments. I really feel for the last poster. That's a terrible situation for you. Make sure to put yourself first. Tell them that its not helping you and that they need to seek help. It really is very unfair. best of luck with the treatments.

As for scouser tommy - I live away from my friend too, but have made a point of visiting once a week and ringing and texting every day. Just making myself available more than anything.

I'm just worried more than anything of what to do when she comes out of hospital. A trip away seems to be a good idea. I just don't want to treat her with kid gloves either. If anyone here has been through severe depression, can I ask how you liked being treated? Just as normal. Or are there certain things I should do differently? I don't want to constantly ask - how are you feeling etc? But then again, I want to give her the chance to talk when she wants to. Just don't know how to get the balance right...

Sorry for the ramble. Just so worried...