Messed up

LegacyUser

I have totally f**ked up somthing that could have been good!! call him Ben Well we went out on Sat night together to a club and ben gave me the impression that he was going off around the club looking at girls so I said ok. At this stage another bloke ( Sam) came up to me and we hit it off!! Ended up kissing him infrount of other Ben.

Anyway, got Sam's number and left to go home with Ben. Ended up sleeping with Ben, Sunday was great was up at his house for the day with the kids. Topic of other fella Sam came up and I said he asked me out to dinner but wasnt sure what to say. Ben said up to you. So thought about it Sunday nite.

Monday nite meet other fella Sam for drinks, Ben Txted me and said was I out and I said I was and he txted back "with your man". Then I said ya and he txted back "Im a bit disapointed in you but we'll talk tomorrow" I told him if he wanted i'd leave and go and see him as I did tell him Sat night that I wanted to be with him but now I felt like ****e!!

Last nite I txted Ben and asked why he was disapointed and he practically told me to **** off and what I did was my business and he wants to just remain friends. Only thing is I really like Ben but I thought we were just kinda sleeping with eachother every so often and he said that to me. One of his txts were that "you dont let things develope, you either want it all or you move on, Now you moved on".


What do I do now, he is so angry with me, last text "have a nice life"

Jules

if you liked him why did ya kiss the other fella in front of him?

he gave you the impression he was going to look at girls, did he say that.... honestly think your a bit silly and well one word.... karma!

6th

You've missed out with Ben, plus I wonder if Sam knows what you've been doing and if he'd be happy with it. IMO you have issues.

Beruthiel

jules80 wrote:

if you liked him why did ya kiss the other fella in front of him?

That is the 6 million dollor question.
I honestly don't see how you would go off with someone else if you were interested in Ben. Sounds like game playing to me.

Dragan

So you kissed Sam , then slept with Ben that same night, then the next day went for Dinner with Sam and were texting Ben.....i'm just confused and i get the impression you are too.

Figure out who you are interested in, then see if they are interested. Then work from there.

It is possible to not hook up with other people until you know?? I'm sure Ben is just kinda upset that you went for dinner.....modern men have learned that the "it's up to you" thing means "you better say yes" and will react just the same as most girls when the opposite decision is made to the one they want.

Maybe Ben feels led on or something? Either way, talk to him and see whats up. But if he wanted more he should have been open and honest about that.

Seems to me that non is really communicating at all in this little story.

Tarakiwa

I agree with the other posters ........ you like a guy yet you decide it is a good idea to kiss another guy in front of him & then go out to dinner with him too??

Sounds like your best bet is to leave Ben get on with the rest of his life while you try your luck with Sam - I just hope you dont meet another guy while you are "really liking" Sam!!

Kell

Unreg5 wrote:

What do I do now, he is so angry with me, last text "have a nice life"

Sounds to me like Ben is an immature little c*nt. Texts like his last one always spell out "I have a problem that I am too immature to face up to and I am going to project my immaturity onto you and make you out to be the c*nt".

If he was into you, why the fúck didnt he say so? You did nothing wrong as far as I can see. You & Ben were fúck buddies and he obviously felt more but chose not to say anything. Thats his tough. He has no right to get all hissy because you went after someone else.

Advice- forget him. No one needs an immature little asshóle in their life.

K-

Jules

bit rough kell, maybe ben was a bit shy or didnt feel confident enough to tell her.. and in all fairness she was the one who kissed another guy in front of ben didnt do anything wrong.

LegacyUser

Ben was the first to go do something, Firstly went to a wedding couple of weeks ago and screwed someone else and had no problem in telling me. He invited me to the wedding drunk one nite and didnt mention it again.

This has been going on for about 5 months and in all that time I didnt sleep kiss etc any one else through out the whole time we have been "f-buddies" cause I really liked him and didn't want to screw it up. But obviously I did!!

vorbis

if thats the case, he's being insecure and controlling. He'll probably end up coming back to you. After seeing this side of him, you can decide then whether you want to keep seeing him.

Only thing though, don't go kissing guys in front of your guy even if he is a **** buddy. Someone might be ok with being a f buddy on an intellectual level but seeing the other person actual scoring someone can shatter the illusion as it were.

Chinafoot

jules80 wrote:

bit rough kell, maybe ben was a bit shy or didnt feel confident enough to tell her.. and in all fairness she was the one who kissed another guy in front of ben didnt do anything wrong.

Uhmm she snogged Sam in front of Ben but Ben had no problem sleeping with her the same night.

She told him the other dude had asked her out and he said "up to you". Why didn't he just say "well I really like you and I'd like to see what could happen"? Equally, she could have done the same thing, but I think it's unfair to place all the blame on the OP.

Sounds to me like the OP and Ben had a fúck-buddy situation and she wanted more. Maybe he wanted more too or maybe he just didn't want his fúck-buddy starting a relationship and jeopardising his no strings sex.

I agree with Dragan - major case of no communication. I also agree with Kell, Ben is acting like a knob with all that "have a nice life" crap. If he had feelings for her he should have said it to her when she gave him the chance, ie: Sam has asked me out, I'm unsure what to do.

If it was me I'd walk away from an idiot like that. if you really do like him maybe you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel about him and see what he says. If he says he just wants a no-strings physical relationship then walk away. Fúck-buddies only works when both people are 100% on the same level.

dr.bollocko

You make yourself sound as if you were just some hapless bystander in this situation. You werent. You acted like a bitch there and its pretty ****ing obvious why ben is pissed off with you if you have even two brain cells...

Trinity

Unreg5 wrote:

Ben was the first to go do something, Firstly went to a wedding couple of weeks ago and screwed someone else and had no problem in telling me. He invited me to the wedding drunk one nite and didnt mention it again.

This has been going on for about 5 months and in all that time I didnt sleep kiss etc any one else through out the whole time we have been "f-buddies" cause I really liked him and didn't want to screw it up. But obviously I did!!

Walk away. its a messy situation that will not clear itself up without a bit of space for you both.

I have seen this too many times - he wants to wait and see what happens, let it develop - yeah right. In other words hang around til i discover whether or not i want you full time. Well the fact of the matter is that while he can **** you and others he is not going to go the whole hog. Why would he give that up? He is pissed off cos he thinks you may have met someone nice who will treat you well and give you a proper relationship - where does that leave him? - without his handy number.

Do you not think you are worth more than this? and i do hope he used protection with the other girls and you as well. Russian roulette if you are not.

Tell him its his loss, you deserve better than this and you are looking for something with a little substance. Then walk away, no contact.

If he wants you he will come get you, if he doesnt , well you will be better off honestly.

Donegal Lass

Trinity1 wrote:

Walk away. its a messy situation that will not clear itself up without a bit of space for you both.

I have seen this too many times - he wants to wait and see what happens, let it develop - yeah right. In other words hang around til i discover whether or not i want you full time. Well the fact of the matter is that while he can **** you and others he is not going to go the whole hog. Why would he give that up? He is pissed off cos he thinks you may have met someone nice who will treat you well and give you a proper relationship - where does that leave him? - without his handy number.

Do you not think you are worth more than this? and i do hope he used protection with the other girls and you as well. Russian roulette if you are not.

Tell him its his loss, you deserve better than this and you are looking for something with a little substance. Then walk away, no contact.

If he wants you he will come get you, if he doesnt , well you will be better off honestly.

I completely agree with trinity1- why should you wait around to see if this guy has feelings for you or not?? you've obviously waited enough and given him ample opportunity to tell you how he felt- you cant read his mind and the sooner some guys realise this the better!! i've been in that situation recently and you can feel like a right plank waiting around for a guy who feels its fine for him to s**g about but expects you to just wait there for him!:mad:

From what I can read into your post, I think you were probably trying to provoke a reaction as to whether or not he was into you, and when you didnt get any hint of interest you thought why not give it a try with a guy who was genuine enough to ask you to dinner! I think you did the right thing and you should forget about Ben (even though it will be hard) and try making something of it with someone whos mature enough not to be embarrassed about making a decision! you cant wait on someone forever and if Ben wanted you enough, he'd make it very clear at this stage instead of being a t**t about it!!

Best of luck!;)

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your reply's. Went out last nite again with Sam and he is really nice. Meet all his friends and wasnt "ashamed" to say we were seing eachother unlike Ben. He treats me really nice and I think I could get usto it. Dont feel as if I have to make the first move the whole time regarding meeting up or anything.

Jumpy

Unreg5 wrote:

I have totally f**ked up somthing that could have been good!! call him Ben Well we went out on Sat night together to a club and ben gave me the impression that he was going off around the club looking at girls so I said ok. At this stage another bloke ( Sam) came up to me and we hit it off!! Ended up kissing him infrount of other Ben.

Anyway, got Sam's number and left to go home with Ben. Ended up sleeping with Ben, Sunday was great was up at his house for the day with the kids. Topic of other fella Sam came up and I said he asked me out to dinner but wasnt sure what to say. Ben said up to you. So thought about it Sunday nite.

Monday nite meet other fella Sam for drinks, Ben Txted me and said was I out and I said I was and he txted back "with your man". Then I said ya and he txted back "Im a bit disapointed in you but we'll talk tomorrow" I told him if he wanted i'd leave and go and see him as I did tell him Sat night that I wanted to be with him but now I felt like ****e!!

Last nite I txted Ben and asked why he was disapointed and he practically told me to **** off and what I did was my business and he wants to just remain friends. Only thing is I really like Ben but I thought we were just kinda sleeping with eachother every so often and he said that to me. One of his txts were that "you dont let things develope, you either want it all or you move on, Now you moved on".


What do I do now, he is so angry with me, last text "have a nice life"

You probably dont understand right now, but give it a few years (a good few years by the sound of it, from your post you sound very young) and you will discover exactly how badly you just treated this Ben.
Whether there is 'no strings' or not, a guy has pride, and you have just put the other guy above him, very bad move.
When it comes down to it, having a sex buddy is possible, but it is not complete freedom. Jesus... you NEVER snog another guy in front of someone you are sleeping with.
Just let it go now and learn from it.

tbh

I don't think the OP treated Ben badly, at all, I think Ben either:

a: wanted to be with other people (the wedding shag) but wanted the op all for himself OR

b: Wanted to start something with the op, but didn't want to take the chance of going out on a limb AND ACTUALLY SAYING SOMETHING! preferring instead to leave it to the OP to do it and ask him.

And he paid the price for that one, didn't he gang?
bear that in mind all you "should I tell him/her that I like him/her" unreggers. If you don't ask, you'll never know. and it's unfair for him to expect the OP to hang around while he sorts his head out. OP, I don't really think you have a future with either of these - Ben especially, but don't beat yourself up. You were not the one who broke the unwritten agreement, IMO.

IMO Ben is really immature in the "I'm not sure whether I want you but I know your not to be with anyone else" type of way
I've been in this situation

your well rid
good luck

dr.bollocko

Yeah I didnt realise when I posted earlier that he had already gone off with someone else. Sorry about that I didn't mean to be dissing you.
But cool. You found someone else. So we're all happy.
Wahey!

tbh

I'd say I'm more content than happy.

dr.bollocko

I was actually referring to myself in the 1st person plural.
We rule!

Black Swan

Unreg5 wrote:

Thanks for all your reply's. Went out last nite again with Sam and he is really nice. Meet all his friends and wasnt "ashamed" to say we were seing eachother unlike Ben. He treats me really nice and I think I could get usto it. Dont feel as if I have to make the first move the whole time regarding meeting up or anything.

Seems that you found your match?

podge79

Unreg5 wrote:

I have totally f**ked up somthing that could have been good!! call him Ben Well we went out on Sat night together to a club and ben gave me the impression that he was going off around the club looking at girls so I said ok. At this stage another bloke ( Sam) came up to me and we hit it off!! Ended up kissing him infrount of other Ben.

Anyway, got Sam's number and left to go home with Ben. Ended up sleeping with Ben, Sunday was great was up at his house for the day with the kids. Topic of other fella Sam came up and I said he asked me out to dinner but wasnt sure what to say. Ben said up to you. So thought about it Sunday nite.

Monday nite meet other fella Sam for drinks, Ben Txted me and said was I out and I said I was and he txted back "with your man". Then I said ya and he txted back "Im a bit disapointed in you but we'll talk tomorrow" I told him if he wanted i'd leave and go and see him as I did tell him Sat night that I wanted to be with him but now I felt like ****e!!

Last nite I txted Ben and asked why he was disapointed and he practically told me to **** off and what I did was my business and he wants to just remain friends. Only thing is I really like Ben but I thought we were just kinda sleeping with eachother every so often and he said that to me. One of his txts were that "you dont let things develope, you either want it all or you move on, Now you moved on".


What do I do now, he is so angry with me, last text "have a nice life"

wow that is f**ked up - to me it seems that 'ben' is pissed off and feels like you just used him - you slept with him - and then quick as a flash you go off out to have drinks with ur man sam - basically it looks like you were trying to have your cake and eat it - to me and probably ben it looks like ben was your fallback option if things didnt work with sam

aidan24326

If you were a man you would be called a 'player'. You kept these two guys 'Ben' and 'Sam' dangling on either end 'til you could make up your precious mind which one you wanted, if either. One minute, it's Ben, next minute it's Sam, seriously I don't think you know what you want. You sound like someone who is not ready for anything serious so just keep it casual(ish).