New Boy/Girlfriend = ditch all your mates???

abetarrush

All the people I know who start goin out with people always end up cuttin off the rest of their mates

Anyone else notice this?

I asked my mate and he said its cos you find a new best friend, and so much more

This is[/is] true, but its not nice t just ditch all your friends

happened t me, then he start tryin to set me up with people, and get my own gf, so i just stopped hangin around with him

I didnt want a gf at the time, and shouldnt have to get one just cos he did


Its jus annoyin the way ur their friend for years, but they ditch ye for someone they know for like a month or 2

Mojito

I'm 33 and still hang out with the same mates I was hanging out with when I was 18. We've all had different girlfriends since then and we've always been mates. Some are now married with kids but we still meet up and head out all the time.

Sometimes when one of us would start seeing a new girl you may not see as much of them as you used to but that is to be expected but we would never ditch our mates.

As you grow older and everyone buys there own place you don't see them as much but thats what cars are for.

We still go away on lads weekends and in 17 more days me and my best mate are heading to the Bahamas to do a diving course!!!! Wohooo!!!!

( Sorry I couldn't help it )

Ruu_Old

Yeah it goes that way sometimes, a mate of mine starting going out with a girl in 3rd year when she was in 2nd year in secondary school. Dropped everyone of us and went off with her friends. We would see him the odd time but it would be very rare.

Blush_01

Apparently that's how relationships go. Although, with any of my ex's, I've never dropped my friends. nor have the people I was going out with. But then again, none of them were particularly serious, looking back on it.

Ickle Magoo

Mojito wrote:

I'm 33 and still hang out with the same mates I was hanging out with when I was 18. We've all had different girlfriends since then and we've always been mates. Some are now married with kids but we still meet up and head out all the time.

Ditto for me & my husband...

Some people see a new relationship as a new start and have no qualms about leaving any friends behind. That's their choice. Personally, I can do without friends that don't want to see or speak to me because they have found a partner....:)

petes

I actually found new mates because of my ex.

sonners

I found loads of new mates too....but I did'nt ditch my old friends. They're the ones that know everything about ye and STILL talk to ye!!:D

greenkittie

I did this once. It pretty much destroyed my last relationship. Thank god ive learnt from that, would never just ditch my friends again.

Faith

As far as I'm concerned, only an incredibly stupid person would ditch their friends for their boyfriend. One of my best friends did it, and now she's lost all her friends. If they ever break up, she'll have to start making friends all over again, from scratch.

I just don't get it. Yeah, you have a new friend who's incredibly close, but they should just be added to your collection of friends. When I make a new friend, I don't drop all my old ones because I found a better one.

biko

Give your friend six months or so. When you are in love nothing else matters and you only care about the person you're seeing. This should wear off after a while.

craichoe

I don't think you ditch them .. its just you don't have as much free time to see each other.

Mate: Wanna go for a pint tonight ?
You: Can't .. gotta have sex with the missus

Hard to include your g/f with your mates sometimes i recon, usually its all lads or all girls plus they dont know each other.

Arra i dunno .. im single at the mo, enjoy it while it lasts i say

py2006

I'm personally sick of this situation. It happens all too often. It has even put me off entering into a relationship.

I have a good mate of mine (was) for years. Up to 2 years ago we went for a pint or whatever twice a week. Then he met this girl and things came to a HALT!!!

Now I didn't mind at first as you can understand people wanting to spend the free time with their new gf/bf! But 6 months went by and he was making up silly pathetic excuses for not coming out.

What I later found out was that it was her not letting him out. I know of FOUR different blokes in this situation and its absolutely appalling. They are not allowed have their own lives at all.

She didn't want to come out to pubs anymore so she expected him to stay indoors to. If he wants to go out on his own or to a friends place its because "he doesn't want to spend time with her".

Are these women so self absorbed that they think the relationship centres around them??? Or is it a case of extreme insecurity??

The amazing thing is that this girl fully expects him to come out with her when she meets her friends! And if he says no she wont speak to him for a day or so!!!

I'm sorry to generalise here but I don't think I have ever seen a bloke do this. It must be rare!

I think some women dont realise a relationship is a 50-50 thing.

greenkittie

py2006 wrote:

I'm sorry to generalise here but I don't think I have ever seen a bloke do this. It must be rare!

Dunno if its rare or not, but it was my last boyfriend who was stopping me going out. I was all "in love" so i stupidly went along with it. Of course he was allowed to go out whenever he liked :rolleyes: often i found myself sitting alone in his house when he went out with the lads. Young and stupid i'd say .

Ickle Magoo

py2006 wrote:

What I later found out was that it was her not letting him out. I know of FOUR different blokes in this situation and its absolutely appalling. They are not allowed have their own lives at all.

I think it's up to them to put a stop to it then...are they blocking the door or sitting on him to stop him going out?

If a girl puts her foot down & demands that her fella cut off all contact with his mates or demands he doesn't go out with said mates then I pity her but more fool him for complying...

I'm not appalled that there are such controlling women in the world but I am appalled that there are such spineless men out there that they would rather loose their friends and stop going out to appease someone that is supposed to care about them! :eek: People can only do to you what you let them afterall...:(

Nickibaby*

I don't think you should ever ditch your friends just because you start going out with someone. But you should still be understanding that your friends don't have as much time as they used to. When you start going out with someone you want to spend lots of time with them.

Lots of my friends did this on different occasions it's perfectly understandable and they are still my friends i'd be happy if they are happy with someone. I'm going out with someone and I guess I don't hang around with my friends quite as much as I used to but they understand too, would never forget about them but your priorities do change when you start seeing someone.

craichoe

py2006 wrote:

I'm personally sick of this situation. It happens all too often. It has even put me off entering into a relationship.

I have a good mate of mine (was) for years. Up to 2 years ago we went for a pint or whatever twice a week. Then he met this girl and things came to a HALT!!!

Now I didn't mind at first as you can understand people wanting to spend the free time with their new gf/bf! But 6 months went by and he was making up silly pathetic excuses for not coming out.

What I later found out was that it was her not letting him out. I know of FOUR different blokes in this situation and its absolutely appalling. They are not allowed have their own lives at all.

She didn't want to come out to pubs anymore so she expected him to stay indoors to. If he wants to go out on his own or to a friends place its because "he doesn't want to spend time with her".

Are these women so self absorbed that they think the relationship centres around them??? Or is it a case of extreme insecurity??

The amazing thing is that this girl fully expects him to come out with her when she meets her friends! And if he says no she wont speak to him for a day or so!!!

I'm sorry to generalise here but I don't think I have ever seen a bloke do this. It must be rare!

I think some women dont realise a relationship is a 50-50 thing.

Yes .. I am also sick of it ... but they have weapons such as tears and the "dont your love me" line ....

back in the old days it would be ...
This is why i'd be looking to meet someone who i can share a life with ... not solely get stuck in one together ..

I was going out with a girl for some time .. felt totally trapped.. didnt see me mates much .. thats over now though

So i think i've learned my lesson .. Personally i wouldnt go into another relationship unless it had this attribute ..

craichoe

py2006 wrote:

I'm personally sick of this situation. It happens all too often. It has even put me off entering into a relationship.

I have a good mate of mine (was) for years. Up to 2 years ago we went for a pint or whatever twice a week. Then he met this girl and things came to a HALT!!!

Now I didn't mind at first as you can understand people wanting to spend the free time with their new gf/bf! But 6 months went by and he was making up silly pathetic excuses for not coming out.

What I later found out was that it was her not letting him out. I know of FOUR different blokes in this situation and its absolutely appalling. They are not allowed have their own lives at all.

She didn't want to come out to pubs anymore so she expected him to stay indoors to. If he wants to go out on his own or to a friends place its because "he doesn't want to spend time with her".

Are these women so self absorbed that they think the relationship centres around them??? Or is it a case of extreme insecurity??

The amazing thing is that this girl fully expects him to come out with her when she meets her friends! And if he says no she wont speak to him for a day or so!!!

I'm sorry to generalise here but I don't think I have ever seen a bloke do this. It must be rare!

I think some women dont realise a relationship is a 50-50 thing.

Yes .. I am also sick of it ... but they have weapons such as tears and the "dont your love me" line ....

This is why i'd be looking to meet someone who i can share a life with ... not solely get stuck in one together ..

I was going out with a girl for some time .. felt totally trapped.. didnt see me mates much .. thats over now though thank god .. well i wasnt like that at the time .. but thats what its like now

So i think i've learned my lesson .. Personally i wouldnt go into another relationship unless it had this attribute ..

Húrin

abetarrush wrote:

All the people I know who start goin out with people always end up cuttin off the rest of their mates

Anyone else notice this?

How young/old are you?

abetarrush

H&#250 wrote: »

How young/old are you?

18



The worst is that when the relationship ends, they think they can jus call you and everythings coolaboola

My mate turns his phone off when he's with his gf cos he thinks its rude!!! Wtf?

pbsuxok1znja4r

Meh, it's to be expected. One of my best mates of about 12 years, who lived directly across the road from me, recently moved into a flat with his girlfriend (for college) and I only heard about it over a week later He's pretty much busy all the time, these days, and any time we do get together is all the usual "how's life/work/school?" nonsense between mere aquaintances.

Well, my point is, it sucks, greatly, but he obviously loves this girl and she obviously loves him. They're both lovely people so I'm just happy for them, I guess. And this is coming from me; every single one of my mates now has (and has had for a long time) a girlfriend except for me. If I can rise above teh bitterness then surely anyone else can.

Just be happy for them I guess. He's most likely doing what makes him happiest. It's to be expected.

NoDayBut2Day

Personally, I don't think it's healthy to cut off all other contact with people when you're with someone.

I made it clear to my boyfriend that he shouldn't feel bad about spending time with other people too; we all need friendship. ^_^

cupsoftea

This is such a hard one. I was the first one in one gang of friends to be in a really serious relationship and it was really really tough. I was and hope i still am a reallly good friend, i was the one to get people together and was always at the end of the phone. I tried to balance out my friends and my boyfriend but was put on a complete guilt trip if i missed one night out or dared spend a night with just my boyfriend. It resulted in the boyfriend heading for the hills for a good while. We did get back together but I had to make the decision to put him first (which was fine because now they all had boyfriends and couldn't be seen for dust).
Anyhow, it wasn't me ditching my friends, it was a case of being one person and not being able to be in 2 places. And of course I was in love, so there was little thrill of watching my friends chat up random men while i was sitting there on my tod.
don't know what i'm saying really, but don't be too harsh on your friend, invite him along to what ever you are doing (because it is horrible not being asked) and he will be back when the first 6 months wears off.

LundiMardi

abetarrush wrote:

All the people I know who start goin out with people always end up cuttin off the rest of their mates

Anyone else notice this?

I asked my mate and he said its cos you find a new best friend, and so much more

This is[/is] true, but its not nice t just ditch all your friends

happened t me, then he start tryin to set me up with people, and get my own gf, so i just stopped hangin around with him

I didnt want a gf at the time, and shouldnt have to get one just cos he did


Its jus annoyin the way ur their friend for years, but they ditch ye for someone they know for like a month or 2

You sound quite bitter, and you stopped hanging around with your friend because he had a girlfriend? Who's the real friend in that scenario?

py2006

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I'm not appalled that there are such controlling women in the world but I am appalled that there are such spineless men out there that they would rather loose their friends and stop going out to appease someone that is supposed to care about them! :eek: People can only do to you what you let them afterall...:(

Well to a certain extent that is true! But these guys are blinded to the whole thing. They dont realise at first what they are doing.

It often comes down to either the girlfriend or the friends ultimatum.

For example, I got an invite to party recently which allowed me bring one guest! I asked him to come and I get a text from his girlfiend saying that "he is now in a relationship and I should realise that. In future ask your other mates who are single"!

I don't know which is worse, that text from her or him not going because of her!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

My mate turns his phone off when he's with his gf cos he thinks its rude!!! Wtf?

rofl

****ing classic

Ickle Magoo

py2006 wrote:

I don't know which is worse, that text from her or him not going because of her!

:eek: Any kind of controlling behaviour like that would set the alarm bells off & you wouldn't see me for dust...it's a real shame that these guys allow themselves to be controlled to that extent.

Dalfiatach

Ickle Magoo wrote:

:eek: Any kind of controlling behaviour like that would set the alarm bells off & you wouldn't see me for dust...it's a real shame that these guys allow themselves to be controlled to that extent.

The problem is, Irish women seem to have collectively got it into their heads that this is what a relationship is supposed to be like :eek:

That and all the tears, "you don't love me anymore, are you seeing someone else, am I fat, you don't want to spend time with me" nonsense that comes pouring out just because you texted her at 4pm on a Friday to say "Me, X and Y are going to Pub Z for a pint after work, see ya about 6ish"

It's completely ridiculous.

Sorry girls, but any of that carry-on and I walk. Life's too short.

In fairness though I think young women these days are constantly whipped into a state of total paranoia about their looks, body shape, fashion sense and sexual experience/desirability by the stupid magazines they read and programmes they watch: and they all egg one another on to greater heights of lunacy.

Girls, ye are yer own worst enemies. Men, and especially Irish men, are simple, straightforward, easily-pleased creatures. But we don't take at all kindly to emotional blackmail or control-freakery. And we don't even notice the huge no-holds-barred to-the-death Competition youse have going on with every other female alive :rolleyes:

abetarrush

Dalfiatach wrote:

Girls, ye are yer own worst enemies. Men, and especially Irish men, are simple, straightforward, easily-pleased creatures. But we don't take at all kindly to emotional blackmail or control-freakery. And we don't even notice the huge no-holds-barred to-the-death Competition youse have going on with every other female alive :rolleyes:

legend

*virtual handshake*

LundiMardi wrote:

You sound quite bitter, and you stopped hanging around with your friend because he had a girlfriend? Who's the real friend in that scenario?

I'm not bitter, and im not jealous that he has a gf and I dont, im jus pissed off that so many people put a new Boy/Girlfriend of 2 months, over a best friend of 5+ years

I stopped hangin around with him cos there was no reason to

He'd never call or text or WB anymore, and when we did hang out, it was really just to kill time til he saw the missus


Girls are just way too jealous, which IMO is a lack of trust
They say if they see other women all over their bf they get jealous, but why shud they be jealous, the guy is THEIRS!

And my mate I was on abt, his gf didnt wana see him in his Debs suit, cos she wasnt goin to the debs [Asked a mate before he got with the gf]

Its stupid, if a girl even tried t pull dat crap i'd show her the door

cupsoftea

Why does every other post here turn into a woman bashing thread.
Men are just as posessive as women. Its not just women who want to be with their men all the time, sometimes it is the other way around.

Nevyn

Not a PI

Cunny-Funt

out of a group of very close friends, 2 of my mates have got into seriouse relationships and have been for over 2 years. I can count the amount of times ive seen one of these friends on one hand. Wheres as I see the other friend all the time.

I'm told through "gossip" that the guys girlfriend has no mates herself so all her free time is spent with him. Last I heard she's moved in with him....even though he still lives at home

Theres a lot of resentment from some of my mates... I just try not to think about it. I'm very disapointed though, he was a good mate.

But I have alot of respect for my other friend whos in a relationship yet didnt **** off:cool: