What to do?

LegacyUser

Hey all, so I moved into a new apartment for college a few weeks ago and made really good friends with the neighbours and what have you. One night we were all out and when we came back most of them went to bed and all that was up was myself and this other girl who lives next door. We were up until about 5 just talkin on her doorstep, we were both kinda drunk but it was still really cool. We had a laugh about it for the next day or two about it, cos we didnt really know each other but I felt like this connection(cheesy, I know) after the night.
Then a few mates started goin on that me and this girl should get together, basically reading my mind! I didnt really know what she felt towards me in that way, so I was very careful not to screw things up. But then one night out her roommate said that she was basically into me, so I got talkin to her alone in the smoking area in a club and we got together. She was kinda seein this guy, and when we got back to her place she said she really liked me but she wanted some time to just make up her mind about what she wanted. I ended up stayin in her apartment(even though mine is about 20 feet away!), and it was just one of the most intense nights Ive ever had. We didnt have sex, but pretty much everything else, all of which was new to me. I could tell she was pretty satisfied, and we were giving it loads for about an hour and a half straight. When we woke up the next morning, there was a bit more of this for a while, until I had to get up and head home. She told me that as soon as I walked out of the room, things would be completely different. Not in a bad way, but she meant everything she said about wanting to make her mind up. I know she wasnt lying when she told me she really liked me.
I spent all of that day crapping myself basically, because I was so worried that the night was a once off. I asked her last night if it was or not, and she was really indecisive. She said she didnt know what the story is at the moment, which I assume is about the other guy. She texted me at 5am this morning saying that she really liked me, and that the night meant a lot to her, and I do actually believe her. I dont want to bring it up with her again because Im worried about coming on too strong and being too clingy.
I pretty much dont want to lose this girl, shes absolutely amazing, and the other guy shes seein is a complete spanner. I dont want to just give up, which Im sure is what alot of the advice is going to say, I dont care how many other girls there are, and Im not normally one of those really clingy, headwreckin guys, but Id love to have her to be honest.
Has anyone ever been in a position like this in any way? I dont think shes blowing me off, but if there was anything to do to put me ahead of this other guy, Id do it. Sorry for the length of this post, and I know for a lot of ye this wouldnt seem like a big deal, but if theres any help or advice to be given, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

Afuera

Unreg1988 wrote:

Id love to have her to be honest.

First off, she's not anyone's property. Nobody owns anyone else.

Unreg1988 wrote:

Has anyone ever been in a position like this in any way? I dont think shes blowing me off, but if there was anything to do to put me ahead of this other guy, Id do it.

She's told you that she wants a bit of time. You have to respect that and accept it (as hard as it may be). Give her a week or so without getting in contact with her.

If she's texting you at 5am in the morning, you're obviously on her mind. If she doesn't hear from you for awhile then there's a good chance she'll get back in touch with you to see what's up.

LegacyUser

She obviously likes you by the texting at 5 in the morning.I would say leave it sit for a week or so, dont cut contact but have the usual chitchat via text or whatever. Maybe then in a week or so if ye are out together try broach the subject again - if she is still unsure just tell her how you feel about her and basically just tell her to let you know when shes made her mind up,try leave it so she has to contact you,at least then you dont have to keep asking and look desperate and you are free to do what you want in the mean time.

OrangeOranges

100% guaranteed way to be with her.

Dont contact her. Be off-handish.Take your time replying to her messages. When you meet up be friendly in a "friends" way. & the best method of all.....................arrive to some party with a new girl.

If she has the neck to ask what you are playing at. Just casually state that while you like her ye are not going out. And that she has another guy on the go so you dont see whats the problem.

Tell her ......."to be honest......." you are not sure if you even want a girlfriend but at completely cool with "like whatever ya want yerself............"

Whether you believe in "games" or not. Every woman has an inbuilt mechanism for them.
At the end of the day:::: everyone wants what they cant have

dr.bollocko

Dude, you just got into college. I wasted too much of my college time on matters and affairs of the heart. Worrying, wondering etc. I think that you are over-thinking this potential relationship.
If somethings happens, it happens, and if not, then you get to move on.
Because you are in college.
You lucky bastard.

Chinafoot

OrangeOranges wrote:

100% guaranteed way to be with her.

Dont contact her. Be off-handish.Take your time replying to her messages. When you meet up be friendly in a "friends" way. & the best method of all.....................arrive to some party with a new girl.

If she has the neck to ask what you are playing at. Just casually state that while you like her ye are not going out. And that she has another guy on the go so you dont see whats the problem.

Tell her ......."to be honest......." you are not sure if you even want a girlfriend but at completely cool with "like whatever ya want yerself............"

Whether you believe in "games" or not. Every woman has an inbuilt mechanism for them.
At the end of the day:::: everyone wants what they cant have

Oh dear.

OP if you follow the advice above there is a distinct possibilty that this girl will just think "well this guy isn't interested in me, might aswell go with the other guy." Game playing is pathetic and any 'relationship' that springs from it is unlikely to be one full of maturity and communication.

She likes you. She's a bit confused at the moment and she has been honest and up front with you about that (why play mind games when she hasn't done it to you). The best thing that you can do is give her the space she has asked for. Don't be cold or distant but don't keep on at her to see if she's made her mind up yet.

Give her the space she's asked for and hopefully things will go your way.

Best of luck.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

free2fly

OrangeOranges wrote:

100% guaranteed way to be with her.

Dont contact her. Be off-handish.Take your time replying to her messages. When you meet up be friendly in a "friends" way. & the best method of all.....................arrive to some party with a new girl.

If she has the neck to ask what you are playing at. Just casually state that while you like her ye are not going out. And that she has another guy on the go so you dont see whats the problem.

Tell her ......."to be honest......." you are not sure if you even want a girlfriend but at completely cool with "like whatever ya want yerself............"

Whether you believe in "games" or not. Every woman has an inbuilt mechanism for them.
At the end of the day:::: everyone wants what they cant have

Oh god that is the worst advice that I have ever heard! :eek: If you do that she is going to think that you are an arrogant jerk who doesn't care about her. It sounds as if she likes you but is just trying to decide what the right thing to do is. Give her the time she has asked for. But keep your friendship with her going. She knows how you feel about her.

dr.bollocko

Women always fall in love with arrogant jerks who don't care about them...

dr.bollocko

Afuera wrote:

First off, she's not anyone's property. Nobody owns anyone else.

He didnt say "I must own her". Nor "I must add her to my collection of near-mint women"
He just said "I would love to have her."
This doesnt express any ownership over the subject in the sentence, just like "I would love to have sex with that goat" is not implying that someone would want to buy a goat, rather than just have sex with it.

Its true "I have a fridge" would express ownership, but not "I am having her over to dinner"
or "I have a girlfriend"
or "I have a husband"
or "I have a bad back pain"
or "I HAVE A PAIN IN MY HEAD FROM MISGUIDED FEMINISTS BITING AT EVERYONE'S ANKLES FOR NO REASON IN CASE SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE OFFENDED SOME WOMAN, SOMEWHERE, FOR SOME REASON."

I just dont understand why this is the first and most important part of your post, because when you actually think for two seconds about the sentence, and the way he is saying it, he is not expressing any possession over her at all.
In some cases "I would love to have her" would mean, "I would love to sleep with her" but not even this is expressing ownership, only desire, which is something common between men and women.

So basically, thats a load of smelly wrinkly old grey-haired balls.

Marksie

The Scientist wrote:

and the words of a proper Player.

OP do you really want to be a player?

If you like the girl as you claim to.. give her time and treat her with more respect than a player would

Daithio

One hundred percent agree with OrangesOranges on this one. Especially at 18years of age, the last thing that girls are looking for is some needy guy who's all over them from the off. Act casual about it, you don't need to be an asshole, but she certainly doesn't want to feel like you're obsessed with her or anything, especially not at this early stage. The only thing I wouldn't agree with is bringing another girl along to a party or whatever, that would just get messy, especially if 1st year college levels of drinking are involved. Just act cool, by no means make it seem like you're completely desperate for her.

EDIT to say I just read OrangesOranges post again, most important thing is the 'be friendly in a friends way' thing. From my experience most girls will fall for a guy that makes them laugh, they can have a bit of craic with, not some guy who's just hopelessly all over them the whole time.

OrangeOranges

Sorry this is not about being a player or whatever. Its about how to handle a woman when she starts extracting the urine.

A couple of obvious points re the situation:
1. the op has already told her he likes her
2. she has said thanks but Ive got another option at the mo.

The op will make a complete fool of himself if he patiently waits around until she decides what she wants.

He can be friends with her. He can tell her he likes her but now he should very very quickly make it obvious that he has options and can "take it " or leave it.

Play the roll of a bol*ix if ya like. You'll end up getting kicked in them.

cance

peachy pants/freetofly im afraid i also agree that given the age group of the OP and the carry on of her from this post, Oranges post is actually one that i saw working consistently.

Im not saying women are silly enough to fall for this ploy or that they "love" bastards, its the age/maturity of the individuals in question.

3-6 years down the road, the girl will know better, but atm if he really wants to push her into a decision i would definately put her in the friends catagory and/or persue elsewhere in the manor outlined by oranges. When she realises (or see's) that hes isnt going to sit around like a fool waiting for her she will come chasing as they generally do, or in the off chance that she doesnt he'll see that she wasnt that keen after all.

sweet-rasmus

you have to ignore her. hopefully she'll get back to you, but if she doesn't... she knows you like her, and she has taken the ball into her court. dont keep your hopes up.... good luck!

Chucky the tree

peachypants wrote:

Oh dear.

OP if you follow the advice above there is a distinct possibilty that this girl will just think "well this guy isn't interested in me, might aswell go with the other guy." Game playing is pathetic and any 'relationship' that springs from it is unlikely to be one full of maturity and communication.
.

The girl in the OP story sounds like she is playing games herself. So why not join in?


OrangeOranges advice is bang on.

event

some of ye need to listen to yourselves

the OP is probably 17/18, first time this has ever happened to him

dont go playing mind games, but dont go chasing her.
if in a week she hasnt replied, thats it, its over

is this the first girl you've 'hooked up with' in college?
im guessing it is, though no shame in that

there are plenty more out there, so dont go tying yourself down to onw girl straight away and dont go pining after her.

but this crack about taking a date to make her jealous, whats the point in that?

OrangeOranges wrote:

Whether you believe in "games" or not. Every woman has an inbuilt mechanism for them.

fact is it?

Black Swan

OP, I would exercise caution, cause it appears that you are in a love triangle. You, her, and the other guy could get hurt. Take it slow, if anything, and don't sink your heart into it (unless she completely breaks with the other guy and commits to you). You must also be aware that there are those who will disapprove of what you are doing, by attempting to break up a couple.

ferdi

OrangeOranges wrote:

100% guaranteed way to be with her.

Dont contact her. Be off-handish.Take your time replying to her messages.

peachypants wrote:

Oh dear.

OP if you follow the advice above there is a distinct possibilty that this girl will just think "well this guy isn't interested in me, might aswell go with the other guy."

dr.bollocko wrote:

Women always fall in love with arrogant jerks who don't care about them...

this is where fellas fall into traps. how can one reconcile these three pieces of evidence?

weemcd

OrangeOranges wrote:

Whether you believe in "games" or not. Every woman has an inbuilt mechanism for them.
At the end of the day:::: everyone wants what they cant have

Wouldn't take everything said in that post to heart, but i do think he's right about that. Might be a good idea to try and get some space from her (yes, i know you are next door!) for your own sake, so you won't get more attached to her, leaving you with the possibility to be hurt.

easier said than done though

LegacyUser

dr.bollocko wrote:

Women always fall in love with arrogant jerks who don't care about them...

YUP so damn true! Why oh why oh why?

Sinfonia

also if you look like you are fun and are having fun without her, she'll want to have fun with you because you're so much fun!

Oranges post is just a bit extreme i think, playing it cool is fine, but i dont think you should do the other girl thing