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Verbal Abuse

  • 02-10-2006 5:27pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    What steps must a 15 year old boy take to make the name calling by a step father stop?

    This boy is been called names that are hurtful. The verbal quality of his remarks are harsh, crude and foul mouthed sometimes and can be accompanied by roaring and shouting.

    I am related I want to help but what can I do? Advice I gave to my sister before caused a huge row as everything I said got twisted and caused her and her husband to have a huge row! Their reaction upset me and I couldn't cope with their outburst. I told them to respect my wishes that I cannot give advice on matters involving their son after that incident but he's my nephew and I want to help without my sister and I falling out either.

    I think her and her husband need councelling!

    I have 3 young children and I cannot take on board any further outbursts from them as it will upset my family.

    Please help!


Comments

  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,315 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Sadly, there are very many parents out there that you would not leave in charge of a rock.

    Giving this 'man' the benefit of the doubt, has he been told the names are upsetting for the child? Some people are incredibly blind as to the harm words can do.

    Other than that, it sounds like you won't be able to change his behaviour, or that of your sister who appears to allow it and thus re-inforces the harsh words to her son.

    The best angle is to boost the young lad's confidence so that he knows the names he is being called are not true. Children can display extraordinary resilience in the most terrible of situations.

    Another route would be the social services route, but that does not always work out well.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    if i was the 15 year old boy, i would tell the step dad that if he doesnt keep it shut from now on i will go to the cops and tell them he felt me up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Chucky the tree, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭Crea


    I don't know if this child can do anything to make your brother in law stop sadly. If this man is ok with roaring at the child then I wouldn't recommend that he confronts the step father as i'd really be afraid that this man would use violence.
    Spurious is absolutely right about boosting the childs confidence. Talk to him about what is happening and let him know that what is happening isn't his fault, reinforce his good points.
    You need to be brutally honest with your sister. She is being a rubbish parent for letting this happen to her child. Her marriage is NOT more important than her childs welfare. It is a parents job to protect their children as much as they can, she is letting this boy down very badly.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,528 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    It does appear to be a counselling issue, but how to initiate the intervention is troublesome.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've been in a similar situation, but it only happened once. And also, I would suggest to NEVER call the police unless things get physical. It can bring a lot of shame and embarassment with it.

    Tell him to take it in his stride and to be bigger than to allow it to affect him. Allowing it to do so would show weakness, and is probably what his step-father wants.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I want to thank you all for your replies. I need to sitdown with my nephew and talk with him first. This poor boy, his father denied him the day he was born, he never had his father in his life only Aunts, Uncles, his Granny and Grandad and I have got so wrapped up in my own family's life.

    On saying that I think this boy thinks less and less of father figures. The councelling route I think should help and it would be the first step.

    Thanks!


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