Is it down to me?

LegacyUser

Reg poster , unreg for reasons as below.

When my sister and myself were younger (15 yrs ago) we were sexually abused by our cousin. We have spoken about it in the last few years but are not going to do anything about it. I always said if he had went near our little sister I would do something about it but we never asked her so we don't know.

Basically now he is married and has a baby daughter, my question is is it down to me to make sure this baby girl (prob around 3 now) is safe? The nature of what he did makes it clear to me that he would be a threat to any young girl, can I contact social services annonomously (spell?) to get them to check it out??

I will not go to the police firstly because it would upset so many people but also becasue a good friend of mine brought her grandfather to court over the same thing and I watched him walk away scott free and the whole family was torn apart.

But i cant put this little girl out of my mind, i know roughly where he lives but not the exact address so would need a little more info if I was to report him but should i do it??

Kell

Jesús that must be the worst possible place to be in for you right now. I dont think anyone could rightly come on here and say what you should or shouldnt do unless they have been there.

A friend was sexually abused by her brother when she was much younger and later in life she informed her parents of the abuse and eventually the whole family went for group therapy. Thats best case scenario.

I am not sure I agree with your silence, particularly as you have already stated you are concerned over the well being of your cousins infant. She is not necessarily at risk. Dependant on your cousins age, he could have just been a moronic fúckwit as per my friends brother who didnt actually have any malicious intent but was just too fúcking stupid to know better.

How old was your cousin when the abuse started? If we are talking substantially older then I would say the abuse was malicious and he knew exactly what he was doing.

If you havent already done so, yourself and your sister should go and see a therapist and least to offload the burden which must be incredibly hard for you both to carry. Let a professional decide what may be the best way forward for you both and also help heal the scar that this has left you with.

K-

Kinetic^

Call the po-po and see what they say.

Chuchu

You must be feeling so upset about this, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for all of those very relevant yet confusing thoughts to be spinning around your head. You really should try to contact professionals in the area, even if you stay anon, as they would be better placed I'm sure than anyone on here to advise you properly. I've cut and pasted this (below) from the rules section of this forum, there should be phone numbers on these sites where you can ring and talk to someone who has been trained to deal with your situation. You are brave to be dealing with all of this considering what you must have gone through yourself as a child.
Good luck.
Prevention of cruelty to children services including Childline
http://www.ispcc.ie/Services.htm
http://www.ispcc.ie/Links.htm
http://www.ispcc.ie/childline.htm

Nevyn

What to do? wrote:

can I contact social services annonomously (spell?) to get them to check it out??

You can make report under the child safety act socail workers have to check it out and call to the home.
The identiy of those that make such a report is with held from the parents.

http://193.178.1.79/ZZA49Y1998.html

PROTECTIONS FOR PERSONS REPORTING CHILD ABUSE ACT, 1998. wrote:

reported child abuse.

3.—(1) A person who, apart from this section, would be so liable shall not be liable in damages in respect of the communication, whether in writing or otherwise, by him or her to an appropriate person of his or her opinion that—

(a) a child has been or is being assaulted, ill-treated, neglected or sexually abused, or

(b) a child's health, development or welfare has been or is being avoidably impaired or neglected,

unless it is proved that he or she has not acted reasonably and in good faith in forming that opinion and communicating it to the appropriate person.

(2) The reference in subsection (1) of this section to liability in damages shall be construed as including a reference to liability to be the subject of an order providing for any other form of relief

be mindfull

5.—(1) A person who states to an appropriate person that—

(a) a child has been or is being assaulted, ill-treated, neglected or sexually abused, or

(b) a child's health, development or welfare has been or is being avoidably impaired or neglected,

knowing that statement to be false shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) A person guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable—

(a) on summary conviction, to a fine not exceeding £1,500 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months or to both,

(b) on conviction on indictment, to a fine not exceeding £15,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years or to both.

(3) Notwithstanding section 10(4) of the Petty Sessions (Ireland) Act, 1851, summary proceedings for an offence under this Act may be instituted within 2 years from the date on which the offence was committed or, if later, 2 years from the date on which evidence that, in the opinion of the person by whom the proceedings are brought, is sufficient to justify the bringing of the proceedings comes to that person's knowledge.

(4) For the purposes of subsection (3) of this section, a certificate signed by or on behalf of the person bringing the proceedings as to the date on which the evidence referred to in that subsection relating to the offence concerned came to his or her knowledge shall be prima facie evidence thereof and in any legal proceedings a document purporting to be a certificate issued for the purpose of this subsection and to be so signed shall be deemed to be so signed and shall be admitted as evidence without proof of the signature of the person purporting to sign the certificate.

You make the complaint to the health board, your local health clinc will have socail workers that you can talk to.

For yourself and your sister I suggest that you get some help for yoursleves
one in 4 http://www.activelink.ie/irish/organisation.php?id=546

One in Four exists to support and give voice to people who, as children and/or as adults have experienced sexual violence and to provide a space that by its very existence challenges feelings of shame and self blame. In the often perceived hopelessness and despair of such trauma the possibility of meeting others on the journey offers hope and encouragement.

As a service it respond to the needs of women and men who have experienced sexual violence whether it be as a adult, or as a child.

One in Four also provide support to individuals who have been or who are supporting someone who has experienced sexual abuse and/or sexual violence in childhood or as an adult.

One in Four provide multiple services to individuals, both directly and indirectly. Directly, through individual psychotherapy, group therapy, advocacy/support, open evenings, and 24 hour support through our online message boards. Indirectly through campaigning, policy making, in-house research, training, and consultancy work with statutory and non statutory agencies.

One in Four are a professional service in that it employs accredited trained psychotherapists and experienced qualified staff. While it is based in Dublin, we work on a national level and we will respond to calls nationwide.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that.

I'm just wunderin. How old was her when he did that ?
And how old were you and your sister in relation to his
age ?

I just say that because when I was very young, we were
always 'chokin each others chickens'. But shure we
grew out of it and would even think about it now.

Miss Fluff

What to do? wrote:

The nature of what he did makes it clear to me that he would be a threat to any young girl, can I contact social services annonomously (spell?) to get them to check it out??

Sorry to hear that you were abused. I think it's really important to get correct advice on this. If you say that the nature of the abuse makes it clear in your mind that this beast is a threat then you simply CANNOT sit idly by and let this little girl suffer. You say going to the police would upset so many people, I think systematic abuse of an innocent little girl would be pretty upsetting too. Talk to One-In-Four who will be able to give you advice on how to go about this.
http://www.oneinfour.org/contact/
Good luck.

Calibos

[edit] re-read the OP's post and agree with Miss Fluff

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

What to do? wrote:

Reg poster , unreg for reasons as below.

When my sister and myself were younger (15 yrs ago) we were sexually abused by our cousin. We have spoken about it in the last few years but are not going to do anything about it. I always said if he had went near our little sister I would do something about it but we never asked her so we don't know.

Basically now he is married and has a baby daughter, my question is is it down to me to make sure this baby girl (prob around 3 now) is safe? The nature of what he did makes it clear to me that he would be a threat to any young girl, can I contact social services annonomously (spell?) to get them to check it out??

I will not go to the police firstly because it would upset so many people but also becasue a good friend of mine brought her grandfather to court over the same thing and I watched him walk away scott free and the whole family was torn apart.

But i cant put this little girl out of my mind, i know roughly where he lives but not the exact address so would need a little more info if I was to report him but should i do it??

why dont you firs of all kick two types of s#it out of him for doing what he done to you...do it again for what he done to your sister. then tell him that is you see anything suspicious you ll give him another hammering and then report him...

Nevyn

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ is banned for promoting voilence to resolve the issue.

LegacyUser

Age wise i was 6 sis was 8/9 and he was 14/15 so he knew quite f*ckin well what he was up too. His wife is an oddball too, when i was first introduced to her she said "Oh Ive heard alot about you" and when he walked away she looked me up and down and said " Exactly how close were you???" WTF?? he's my f*ckin cousin not his ex!!!

Whenever he is mentioned in my mams house I say I dont wanna know about that B*stard and I hope he dies screaming..........is it weird that noone asks why i hate him so much???

Miss Fluff

You were a little boy of six? What a f8cking sick pig :eek:

Would your sister be willing to testify? Have you discussed your fears with her?

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

McGinty

just to say you can write or ring social services discussing your situation, and your fears re: your cousins children, what will happen is they will have a chat, monitor the situation and advise your cousin to get professional help, how do I know this cos I've been in a similar boat to you, but had to confront my abuser with it, and have gleaned information to do this, alternatively you can speak to your cousin, tell him he has to get help if not you'll report him to social services, this is a monumental task to undertake and extremely difficult, I can only say get support be it friends, a counseller, etc., but people who can support you and be there for you, the fear of confronting or discussing your abuser is horrific, but at the same time you have to ensure that his children are not at harm, and I'll add when I confronted my abuser, and being very, very strong in this, he felt horrific guilt and shame, had been abused himself and was glad to get help (so you just never, ever know, I never thought that I would forgive him but I have and I feel released from it - sometimes there is this perception that you can be stuck in victimhood forever, but you can free yourself, miracles can happen). The social services won't take his children/child away but will ensure he seeks help, and his wife if there is a problem there as well, if he doesn't seek help they will ask relatives to look after the children, foster care is the very last resort. Good luck