One night stands vs. Relationships. Which are YOU?!

ignite

Ok, while I'm sure lively debate (the occasional punch may also be thrown...) is likely to build here, the focus that I want is understanding. WHATEVER happens to be said here, what I want from this is to understand better those who are different, and offer my point of view. We can actually learn from eachother if we keep this focus.

So me. I'm the relationship type. For the life of me, I don't get the fling thing. Just don't. Tried it. Was JUST as I expected it to be. Unfulfilling, at least for me. We all get the sex thing. We like it, we want more. Ok point established. Does no one else think it's nice, to have the companionship of someone else? The support of a partner? The security? And for those who get it, the merging of souls, the sharing of lives...really, where ARE these people lol

BlitzKrieg

I always find this question wierd...I'd be more curious on how often people (straight and gay etc) actually get to make that choice.

So far I have had numerous one night stands (well 1/3rd night stands) but I have never been in a relationship. That doesnt mean I dont want a relationship, I just never get the opputunity to be in one?

Sucks to be me I think (I've seen the horrors of relationships from my friends.)

Goodshape

I'd say it's harder to establish a relationship than it is to have a one night stand.

I've had both and being in a relationship is definitly preferable.

Hmm_Messiah

I guess my experience would be that the best off each option is missed when which ever situation your in at the time is not going so great; one nights can make you feel crappy and you miss all the affection/support etc of a partner; relationships can go stale, or have bad patches where you miss the freedom, the lack of complication, and even just the novelty.

For me the preference would be a relationship but maybe defined slightly differently from the norm (eg two bedroom can be the salvation of a rship- people need their own space when dis-agreeing etc), and with as much of the nice bits of 1 nighters included, e.g novelty, spontaniety,etc.

Personally there was a long period " going from straight to not so straight" where guys were only these 1/3 nights as mentioned by BlietsKrieg. But then I met this guy and we probably had the most unhealthy rship imaginable, but the sense of connection and melding was overwhelming and remains so to this day.

Vinnie69

30 year rship here (childhood sweethearts), we still fight cats and dogs but toes still touch every night!

Sometimes faraway fields look greener but when one gets closer, one can see only cow****, mud and bare ground where one imagined grass:D

Stephanos

Vinnie69 wrote:

30 year rship here (childhood sweethearts), we still fight cats and dogs but toes still touch every night!

Sometimes faraway fields look greener but when one gets closer, one can see only cow****, mud and bare ground where one imagined grass:D

So far I am the relationship type and love it.

Vinnie I love your toes touching comment

azezil

Like BlitzKrieg there, I just rarely get the opertunity!

In saying that, I believe I'm at least equally responsible for this, I don't ever actively seek a relationship and any 1 have been in, although I made an effort on the first date, it was really down to them persuing me that it got off the ground.

Anything short of infactuation right from the start, I just don't bother, oh I have tried the... waiting to see if it'll work out, getting to know the person, but I just get bored and my eyes start to wander ;P

ignite

azezil wrote:

Anything short of infactuation right from the start, I just don't bother, oh I have tried the... waiting to see if it'll work out, getting to know the person, but I just get bored and my eyes start to wander ;P

Hmm that seems like a pretty honest comment that tells me that some people (as blind as this makes me sound) are just born different on this matter. Brought up different, have different experiences etc so that I can accept. Still, I'm remarkably shocked with the small numbers of 'relationship' types out there, and people well outside the gay community have been saying that for a long time...

Chillwithcian

One night stands are meaningless, you should only have s*x with the person if you love them, not for a quick thrill....

abetarrush

Chillwithcian wrote:

One night stands are meaningless, you should only have s*x with the person if you love them, not for a quick thrill....

why not?

Once ur not ****faced, and she doesnt infect u with nething [or vice-cersa] tis all cáca, imo

azezil

ignite wrote:

Hmm that seems like a pretty honest comment that tells me that some people (as blind as this makes me sound) are just born different on this matter. Brought up different, have different experiences etc so that I can accept. Still, I'm remarkably shocked with the small numbers of 'relationship' types out there, and people well outside the gay community have been saying that for a long time...

Well, whats the big dealio?
Do you feel you need a relationship to feel complete? I certainly don't, thus as I said, I'll only enter into one if it's, for lack of a better term, "love at first sight".

ignite

azezil wrote:

Well, whats the big dealio?
Do you feel you need a relationship to feel complete? I certainly don't, thus as I said, I'll only enter into one if it's, for lack of a better term, "love at first sight".

We are most definitely at opposite ends of the spectrum. You clearly don't share the need to be apart of a 'fulfillling', 'meaningful', relationship as some of us do. That's fair enough, to each their own. In fact, as such, you're my prime suspect. I poured my reasons into this with the opening thread. How do YOU feel about relationships? Why do YOU feel one ends up/elects to pursue one night stands over relationships?

I am of course, trying to understand everyone who's different from me, in the context of this thread. I feel like babbling on about why I wrote this thread, but you all know where the opener is...

Chillwithcian

abetarrush wrote:

why not?

Once ur not ****faced, and she doesnt infect u with nething [or vice-cersa] tis all cáca, imo

ChillWithCian wrote:

One night stands are meaningless, you shouldn't have s*x with the person unless you love them

Yes but it ITS WRONG because you don't love the person really. Sex shouldnt be about a quick thrill. Its a giving of human emotion to the one you love because you care about them, not ''hey love fancy a quick one before you get a cab'' kind of idea. Sensual interations should have purpose (with protection obiously)

azezil

ignite wrote:

We are most definitely at opposite ends of the spectrum. You clearly don't share the need to be apart of a 'fulfillling', 'meaningful', relationship as some of us do. That's fair enough, to each their own. In fact, as such, you're my prime suspect. I poured my reasons into this with the opening thread. How do YOU feel about relationships? Why do YOU feel one ends up/elects to pursue one night stands over relationships?

Wooo there now sonny, I think you've gotten the wrong end of the stick here. I don't go for one night stands over relationships at all!

I've had very few one night stands and never seek them, I'd only sleep with someone if I genuinely liked them and was open to the possibility of more... but it just rarely works out for me, I don't feel the need to be in a relationship to feel complete, thus won't hang onto someone unless a feel a real connection very early on.

I've had 2 good relationships, they were quite fulfilling at the time, but generally I just find dating very time consuming and expensive!

Vinnie69

azezil wrote:

Wooo there now sonny, I think you've gotten the wrong end of the stick here. I don't go for one night stands over relationships at all!

I've had very few one night stands and never seek them, I'd only sleep with someone if I genuinely liked them and was open to the possibility of more... but it just rarely works out for me, I don't feel the need to be in a relationship to feel complete, thus won't hang onto someone unless a feel a real connection very early on.

I've had 2 good relationships, they were quite fulfilling at the time, but generally I just find dating very time consuming and expensive!

Actually you have hit the nail on the head. There is a difference between someone who only seeks one night stands only and someone who has ONS because they are seeking to find someone to have a relationship with. I don't judge anybody who has ONS seeking a relationship but my experience is that the person who seeks ONS only as means of satifying their needs - ends up bitter and self-centred when the good times come to an end when they are no longer able to pull.
Sorry if this post sounds muddled but I am in a bit of rush tonight;)

Boston

Chillwithcian wrote:

Yes but it ITS WRONG because you don't love the person really. Sex shouldnt be about a quick thrill. Its a giving of human emotion to the one you love because you care about them, not ''hey love fancy a quick one before you get a cab'' kind of idea. Sensual interations should have purpose (with protection obiously)

When I was much younger I subscribed to something like your view. However since I've now experienced Love and loss and all the rest I realise there is something to be said about not getting too close, and not having to. Not everythng has be either love or ****ing in a pub toliet. Whats so wrong with having some fun where no one gets hurt?

azezil

LiouVille wrote:

When I was much younger I subscribed to something like your view. However since I've now experienced Love and loss and all the rest I realise there is something to be said about not getting too close, and not having to. Not everythng has be either love or ****ing in a pub toliet. Whats so wrong with having some fun where no one gets hurt?

Ditto! (except for the not getting too close bit )

I'm not quite the boiler house using, public toilet crusing anti-relationship type, but I don't make such a big deal out of sleeping with someone any more. I think one of the reasons I used to was because I used to quiet shy about the whole thing, I'm just more relaxed and happy in myself now, so if I'm out having a laugh with someone and it leads to sex... *shrug* why not.

FranknFurter

azezil wrote:

Ditto! (except for the not getting too close bit )

I'm not quite the boiler house using, public toilet crusing anti-relationship type,* but I don't make such a big deal out of sleeping with someone any more. I think one of the reasons I used to was because I used to quiet shy about the whole thing, I'm just more relaxed and happy in myself now, so if I'm out having a laugh with someone and it leads to sex... *shrug* why not.

* lol, YET!
Wont be long i'm sure.


Im somone who only really does the actual LTR thing I spose, my last relationship, bad as it was, lasted 10 years.
This ones for keeps tho

B

Mawg

Relationships all the way, as long as there's love and spontaneity.

ignite

It's so wierd that I get a mail that someone replied to this thread - I was only thinking about it the other day, having not visited in months I think.

So much has happened since I wrote this thread. But by and large, I stand by the idea of relationships. And some of my newer feelings why, edge even further into controversy.

Anyway, a friend said to me not too long ago, that many of the people he had relationships with - he had only slept with first. And that something developed out of the intimacy. As foreign as the concept, as far away from the guy-on-a-white-horse-idea that I had of this, it's happened to me, and it certainly ... gives more to think about.

abetarrush

Chillwithcian wrote:

Yes but it ITS WRONG because you don't love the person really. Sex shouldnt be about a quick thrill. Its a giving of human emotion to the one you love because you care about them, not ''hey love fancy a quick one before you get a cab'' kind of idea. Sensual interations should have purpose (with protection obiously)

One night stands do, depending on how you treat them

The attraction is a natural human thing [hormones and whatnots]
You're simply bein honest about what you want. If I see a girl im attracted to, and talk to, and like, im not gna wait to marry her, are ye mad!

Also, the more ye have, the better ye get. By the time you get married she wont know what hit her :P

Its cool that you feel that way abt ONS's, but that doesnt mean its fact, same goes for wha I said

ignite

I really agree with what you said, especially about the idea, that while all of this I might find true for me, essentially it's not necessarilly going to hold true for everyone else.

So I just thought about airing my views here - and understand others more - but not to say I'm right etc...

azezil

Ironically I too have gotten into a relationship and wish I hadn't tried to 'get it on', so early... I got a little carried away on the second date, not much happened, but I regreted it afterwards, waited another 5 dates before going there again!

trawingtroll

I like to think that I could go though life on my own. I like to believe (in a macho sence) a person is strong if they stand alone to face the world and life. But I simple feel more self confident and reassured when I’m in a good relationship. I feel your partner helps you to grow, in away your friends can’t. It’s the mundane thing, “how was your day”, sleeping with someone who catches you when you fall in your dreams.

I’m in relationship at the moment and it hasn’t been easy from the get go. He want a perfect bf and tries to change me into a mould that doesn’t fit. Quirky neuroses turn into annoying habits. Worse still I only seem to love him half the time.

I'm happy and we're building a relationship togeather, our way. So yes I rather a relationship rather then mindless sex, which I've done and can't remember.

Marksie

Polyamoury, the best of both.

trawingtroll

I'm with marksuttonie, Polyamoury, is the way to go.

Azezil, I see your relasionship was sort lived. Get board did we?

I stand correctted, it just has it's up's and downs, are we growing?

Vinnie69

Jayus lads !


Polyamoury !!!

It sounds like its from a Dean Martin song "when the moon hits the sky, that Polamoury"

Speak plain english for God's sake, what you mean is that you would ride any bike with or without a cross-bar !

stop beating about the bush (best pun wins a free pint at the next Boards Beers !

Stark

Vinnie69 wrote:

Speak plain english for God's sake

Uhm, it's a common enough word; it's hardly Sapien-speak.

Nevyn

Stark wrote:

Sapien-speak.

/me giggles Oh I like that term.

Vinnie69

Stark wrote:

Uhm, it's a common enough word; it's hardly Sapien-speak.

On your bike! Bitch !

Rock Climber

Relationship rules as far as I'm concerned.
I can do and have done all the flirty slutty bit etc and kissy kissy bits with people BUT they soon find out that I want something deeper
currently in one and happy

LegacyUser

I'm totally anti-relationship, so I would say one night stands rule easily. Too many benefits of being single and you shouldn't have to need anybody that you potentially haven't met yet(if you have friends and family you definitely shouldn't need anyone else)

Two things that've always bugged me about relationships is the two types:-

1) The ones where people have stated they've been madly in love with someone and have decided that they're "the one", and their partner feels the same way, and then a few months later they have broken up because of some stupid disagreement. I had a friend who was in a 4 year "strong loving" relationship and she dumped him because he didnt want marriage and she did but yet they both were living together and still both wanted to have kids. If they're "the one" how can you let an argument like that break up everything?

and 2) The ones that don't fall in the above category who are basically moaning about their relationships all the time saying it's making them depressed, and "she won't let me do this" or "he keeps criticizing what i wear" but for some strange reason decide to stay in them.

Smiley012

I don't see the point in one night stands, I have been there and I find them unfulfilling. I don't feel comfortable with someone who just wants a f*ck, and to have sex with someone, it's sooooo much better if I'm comfortable with them, EVERYTHING is so much better!!

So yeah, relationships all the way!

imonboards

BlitzKrieg wrote:

That doesnt mean I dont want a relationship, I just never get the opputunity to be in one?

Exactly. A relationship requires both parties to want one - and sometimes you meet someone you really want a relationship with - but there are huge external factors (work/time/location) that without radical change in either parties lives to make it work - a relationship is like climbing a mountain.