Problem

LegacyUser

Ok, I dont know what to do, but I *think* I may have some mental illness of some sort, but I'm not too sure.

I recently turned 18 and started college 2 weeks ago, 3rd week starts tomorrow, and I dont socialise at all with any of the people out of my class. This is because I am very shy and very very self concise, I also feel slightly intimitated of the fella's cos of my weight. Which is only 12st 8lbs but I think thats too heavy. I have always had a problem fitting in from a young age and I've never been able to identify why.

It took me two years to settle down in second year, having random panic attacks etc for two years didnt really help. I dont know if this is just in my head or whatever but Im feeling more of a recluse and that I am the only one that realises my problem.

When I'm with people I know, I am quite laid back and loud, but its almost an alter ego in college and some aspects of my personal life. Most of my friends have gone on to colleges elsewhere, and I mainly had friends through school, and not many at home, as I live in a sh!thole. Recently as well, I was asked to meet this girl who is really hot, and she likes me, I have been told, but I have put it off for weeks as I am afraid. Again, I dont what I'm too afraid off, she's roughly a year younger than me. I think I'm scared of ****ing it up, as I really like her and what it to workout.

I was thinking of going to the counsellor in college, but i dont know if this is best?

My heads a mess and so is this post I think. Has anyone any advice?

TIA,
Unreg2006

Ruu_Old

Chatting to the counsellor probably won't do you any harm. Is there any societies or clubs that you can join in college to help you get to know more people out of the classroom. Don't be afraid to meet this girl, nothing to worry about. Just try and relax and go with the flow. Do something relaxing, just ask her out to go for a walk, coffee or lunch, somewhere you will feel at ease and just chat about nothing in particular. Good luck.

Lorax

Which is only 12st 8lbs but I think thats too heavy.

That does sound a little overweight, would ya not consider eating healthier foods and doing some more exercise?

LegacyUser

I think i will setup, something with the counsellor tomorrow. There are a few societies in the college, I will look into joining them, should have done last week!

I do eat healthily enough, but I can eat many vegetables, my body cant handle them. I don't eat junk food anymore either.

Everyday I go for a cycle of about 10km, and this morning I walked from Coolock to Howth Summit and back again, so its not like I don't excercise a lot.

bluto63

I don't see that as being overweight. I'm roughly 11st and I see myself as being underweight.

You basically just described me(without the hotty:( )Just try and talk to people in your college, get to know them and conversation will flow. Meet up with the girl and don't be afraid of what could happen. If you don't do anything, you'll regret it more.

LegacyUser

I see 12 or 12 5lbs as ideal, I guess. Its more the way my body carries the weight that gets to me.

Im supposed to meet this girl in my friends house tomorrow/tuesday evening, so thats where we'll be. I was kind of hoping to take her somewhere, even if it is the cinema or whatever.

The talking in college will be quite hard as, I get panicky very quickly, thats why I want to go to the counsellor.

spinandscribble

are you male or female? to be that weight is fine if you're male but its over weight if you're female, unless you're like 6ft

Xylophonic

I would roughly like to be 12st 6 or something. Its more the way my body carries the weight that gets to me. I am hoping to take the girl to the cinema or soemwhere hopefully.

Talking in college is kinda difficult as I suffer from panic attacks. Thats hwy I hope to see the counsellor within the week to see if its something, to do with my past and if more should be done about it.

btw, I am male and 6 foot exactly

spinandscribble

are you the op? if so dont worry about it. girls dont care if you've got a six pack the same way you dont mind if they do.

Jules

since when is 12 stone over weight!!!! are you people crazy....

find someone to talk to weather it be someone in college or maybe someone outside, away from all that who you dont have to worry about seeing people you know ir whatever.... and 12stone isnt over weight!

Bartronilic

At the 3rd week you never know anyone!

You have nothing to lose by talking to people and just look around, everyone has something wrong about them physically and it doesnt stop them does it?

thebman

All I can say is join clubs, even if you don't think you'll like them. It costs feck all and you'll meet loads of people because you won't have choice. The people running the club will make sure you get introduced and you'll be alright.

I was kind of shy (not as bad as the people here I don't think) when I was in college and didn't really join any clubs but I ended up meeting loads of people through one of the guys I lived with in the horse riding club and then eventually I built up my self confidence and got to know pretty much everyone in my course and got on well with them by the time I graduated.

Join clubs and go for a night out with them. Don't say no to it just because it makes you a little uncomfortable to be around them because you don't really know them and you'll be fine.

Also just talk to random people. If you don't like some of them, fine then you can walk away and probably will stop talking to them as you have nothing in common and will start to hang out with the people you do over time.

The most important thing to realise is that the worst thing that will happen is you won't talk to that person again. It's just a little voice in your head telling you not to do something that isn't actually a big deal so at the end of the day, you need to just take the plunge.

Once you've done it once or twice, you'll get used to it and you'll laugh that you thought it was a big deal beforehand.

Black Swan

School counsellor sounds like a plan.

Xylophonic

brim4brim wrote:

Join clubs and go for a night out with them. Don't say no to it just because it makes you a little uncomfortable to be around them because you don't really know them and you'll be fine.

Also just talk to random people. If you don't like some of them, fine then you can walk away and probably will stop talking to them as you have nothing in common and will start to hang out with the people you do over time.

The most important thing to realise is that the worst thing that will happen is you won't talk to that person again. It's just a little voice in your head telling you not to do something that isn't actually a big deal so at the end of the day, you need to just take the plunge.

Once you've done it once or twice, you'll get used to it and you'll laugh that you thought it was a big deal beforehand.

I am the OP, btw, i just forgot to sign out for the last post so now my secret identity is blown!

I am going to join clubs as soon as I can, I hadnt the chance today. I have also set, my counselling appointment for next Monday.

In one of my lectures tomorrow my class is to be divided into groups to work for the year so hopefully that will kind of force me, to come out of my shell more.

I am also thinking of taking up soemthing like Tae Kwon Do as I did it before and I liked it.

spurious

Don't start obsessing about the weight. You are not overweight. Weight never stopped anyone being successful with guys or girls - lack of confidence will do it every time.

This hot girl likes you, so there's nothing wrong with you at all.

A chat with the counsellor can't do any harm, but how you describe yourself is by no means unusual or abnormal. Many people suffer from a lack of confidence - even ones who appear to have it all.

'You're money baby' ('Swingers' - a movie that shows it's all about how 'you' see yourself)

You're money, now go out there and get it all.

sunnyjim

Man, to be honest, you don't sound like you have a mental illness, you have a personality.

Everyones one is different. My 'alter ego' so to speak is a womanising confident loudmouthed arsehole who acts like he's the ****... But when I'm with people I'm comfortable or good friends I'm much more quiet reserved.

Don't be making yourself think "uh oh, I might have a mental illness" just because you are shy.... Be a bit more positive, yeah?

Later.

LegacyUser

Hi Xylophonic

I think you should def go to talk to the councillor, a friend of mine suffers from panic attacks and they started to affect his life so much that he wouldn't go on holidays or night out where there was going to be new people. He has just finished his sessions with the councillor and is much better now, more confident and willing to try new things. He went for a total of 6 sessions.

Also I dont consider 12st 8lbs to be overweight espically when your 6 foot.

Keep your date/meeting with the girl for tomorrow night and dont cancel or put it off even if you start to panic. Turn up at your friends house a little early and give yourself time to relax before the girl gets there.

Anyway best of luck, and let us know how it goes