I want to stop having sex...

BreadBoard

...with my ex g/f... I think

Ok I've tried to start this thread a few time but tbh I'm that confused I'm not really sure what I want. I'm a very intense/deep person, and I worry alot. I'm going to be quite vague here about this but I'm sure after I read a few replies from ppl I'll open a bit more.

I meet a girl in Oct 1999, we fell in love quite quickly and in April 2005 we had a child together. 4 months later we broke up due to her family. I had to bring her to court to gain access and guardianship to our child (didn't see him for 2 months).

It's now 2 years since we broke up and as we have a child together we see each other quite a few times a week. A few weeks ago I was dropping home our child to his mothers and she asked me in for a cuppa tea :rolleyes: ... I said no thanks I have to head home. I had an idea what she was after, but she text me just after I left saying why didn't you want to come in to talk about the child, I said well if you had of said that to me I would have. Anyway she asked me again to come in for a cuppa tea a few nights later and I did.

I ended up staying the night and I left at 7 the next morning. We discussed a few things during the night and I was upset at what she had told me. Apparently she was seeing a guy a year previously and he had asked her to marry him, she said that she said no as they where only seeing each other for 4 months... They broke up after that.

I found this hard to take but I too was seeing someone for a while too this year. Anyway on the night I stayed she asked me did I want to be shag buddies :eek:, I said what? do you have this with other ppl? She said no :rolleyes: !

Ok, I'm just going to cut to the chase, I can have sex with her anytime I want and I love nothing more than #"^%$£& her because the sex is fantastic and always was. I could of had called into her last night cause she wanted me too but I didn't. I text her today asking was she going out with the girls and she said she was, now I'm going out tonight and I'd like to meet some else and move on. But I know if I'm out later and she texts me saying do you want to come in etc, I know I'd be in there like a light.

I really like having sex with her but I want to move on, I just need a bit of encouragement as I can't stop myself.

What do I do?

tie a knot in it!!

just dont do it
tell her your going out with someone else and watch her reaction
I'm betting she still cares for you and will be turned off by this
or even think of your child if she get's in a bad mood with you over something or other, the child will suffer

Ruu_Old

It could get rather tricky with your child in the equation as CSG mentioned. I think it best to just steer clear of her for a while and look elsewhere.

Ickle Magoo

Do you want to get back together with your ex? Do you want sex on tap? Do you want to find someone else altogether?

I'm not sure from your post what you really want either & I think the only way you are going to work it out is to take several steps back from the situation & see where you find yourself.

You say you had to take your ex to court to gain access to your son & in that time you didn't see him...that gives me the impression that your ex is quite manipulative & for that reason alone I would be very wary about having any kind of casual relations with her - especially if you consider it just great sex & a temporary arrangement...

On the other hand, you were upset when you heard she had an offer of marriage & you were horrified at the thought she may be **** buddies with anyone else...you say you would be there in a shot if she asked, so perhaps you both want to try again? Is getting back together an option for you?

BreadBoard

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Do you want to get back together with your ex? Do you want sex on tap? Do you want to find someone else altogether?

I'm not sure from your post what you really want either & I think the only way you are going to work it out is to take several steps back from the situation & see where you find yourself.

You say you had to take your ex to court to gain access to your son & in that time you didn't see him...that gives me the impression that your ex is quite manipulative & for that reason alone I would be very wary about having any kind of casual relations with her - especially if you consider it just great sex & a temporary arrangement...

On the other hand, you were upset when you heard she had an offer of marriage & you were horrified at the thought she may be **** buddies with anyone else...you say you would be there in a shot if she asked, so perhaps you both want to try again? Is getting back together an option for you?

You hit the nail on the head.

We discussed getting back together Thursday night and we both said we did want to be together again. She said it first, it was difficult for her to speak her mind, I actually wanted her tell tell me first how she felt cause I knew how I felt, I just wanted to know that she felt the same and if she didn't I wouldn't of told her how I felt cause well I'm a man a men aren't ment to be hurt.

But here's one of the parts that has me confused, she said now if we want to be together it's going to be difficult because of her parents, she said I'd have to apologize to them??????????????? :mad: Well I tell you this I never moved as quite in my life, I looked at her and said that's not going to happen and I walked out.

It's very confusing tbh, I do love her and I'm not sure she loves me. The girl is 29 years of age (I'm 27) and he doesn't have a mind of her own, she listens to her parents all the time and won't use her own judgment... :rolleyes:

Ok, I'm off out for a few drinks at a family doo and hopefully I'll fell a bit happier.

Ickle Magoo

I agree with you. In order to make things work you both have to put the past behind you & move forward together. I don't think trying to get you to appologise to her parents for past misdemeanors is quite the fresh start you were looking for...

I don't know the background details so I don't know why she expects an appology to her parents - if she can put everything that has gone in the past behind her & consider a future with you then that should be good enough for anyone else - including her parents.

It sounds like there were problems re her parents & their influence on their daughter evident when you were going out originally & perhaps if things haven't changed, then neither would the conclusion to any relationship? You really need to sit your ex down & be honest with her. Maybe tell her how you feel but also tell her your fears & worries & see where that takes you?

Anyway, have a great night out!

DapperGent

BreadBoard wrote:

Ok, I'm just going to cut to the chase, I can have sex with her anytime I want and I love nothing more than #"^%$£& her because the sex is fantastic and always was.

Wow. This whole thing is very intense not to mention deep.

BreadBoard

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I agree with you. In order to make things work you both have to put the past behind you & move forward together. I don't think trying to get you to appologise to her parents for past misdemeanors is quite the fresh start you were looking for...

I don't know the background details so I don't know why she expects an appology to her parents - if she can put everything that has gone in the past behind her & consider a future with you then that should be good enough for anyone else - including her parents.

It sounds like there were problems re her parents & their influence on their daughter evident when you were going out originally & perhaps if things haven't changed, then neither would the conclusion to any relationship? You really need to sit your ex down & be honest with her. Maybe tell her how you feel but also tell her your fears & worries & see where that takes you?

Anyway, have a great night out!

Thank you, I'm just home. You seem to know me or understand me quite well. She did text me tonight "Do you want to get it on tonight?" was her exact text. Anyway it didn't happen, she was out with her older sister which I don't like, and it seemed that her sister was staying in her place tonight, so it was a no go.

Anyway it's nearly Monday and the start of a new week, lets see what happens

nyt nyt

Chucky the tree

BreadBoard wrote:

What do I do?

Keep your dick in your pants.


Its not rocket science.

daveg

Your saying your contemplating having your ex, mother of your child as a fk buddy. Are you crazy? How could that work out? fast forward 3 months, she has met someone or you have met someone. Hows it that going to work. First and foremost think about your child. By all means get back together if thats what you want but dont setup a fk buddy situation.

Sounds like she has serious issues with her family situation. She needs to start thinking for herself.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

secret_squirrel

Are you prepared to break your kids heart when he/she thinks mummy and daddy are back together when all you are doing is using each other as FK buddies?

The chance of that look on your kids face should be enough to make you keep your dick in your pants.

You're a parent now - if your ex can't act like one its no excuse for you not to.

Grow up and act like a man ffs.

BreadBoard

daveg wrote:

Your saying your contemplating having your ex, mother of your child as a fk buddy. Are you crazy? How could that work out? fast forward 3 months, she has met someone or you have met someone. Hows it that going to work. First and foremost think about your child. By all means get back together if thats what you want but dont setup a fk buddy situation.

Sounds like she has serious issues with her family situation. She needs to start thinking for herself.

Yeah, your right. Your comment "By all means get back together if thats what you want but dont setup a fk buddy situation." has hit home with me. I need to say look I want to be with you but not a FK buddies.

secret_squirrel wrote:

Are you prepared to break your kids heart when he/she thinks mummy and daddy are back together when all you are doing is using each other as FK buddies?

The chance of that look on your kids face should be enough to make you keep your dick in your pants.

You're a parent now - if your ex can't act like one its no excuse for you not to.

Grow up and act like a man ffs.

Yeah, for the last two years since we broke up he is all I've being living for and now this situation has came about and I find I'm going a little mad with confusion tbh...

I need to put my son first and lay it on the line with her what I want.

Thanks guys.

daveg

Hope this works our for you. Fk buddies can be difficult at the best of times (never had one myself) when emotional ties come into it. However in your situation it would be a disaster. Again good luck mate.

secret_squirrel

BreadBoard wrote:

I need to put my son first and lay it on the line with her what I want.

Good.

All the best to ya.

nobodythere

It's all good except for that there's a child in the mix. If your relationship becomes volatile with your ex-wife and you're on/off about it, it will have a big effect on the child.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

BreadBoard wrote:

..
I really like having sex with her but I want to move on, I just need a bit of encouragement as I can't stop myself.

What do I do?

ride away till something better comes along. why stop?