When Love turns BAD.

Pighead

As Gordon has already said After Hours is awash with mushy threads and kissy wissy noises. To be honest
all this soppiness is making Pighead vomit. Lets release some of that hatred to balance the scales once more.

Now I know a lot of the chicks out there might find this hard to believe but Pighead once got dumped by a girl. No seriously I did.

There we were two months into our relationship happy as two piggies in poo. Playing with each others hair, laughing at each others silly jokes, doing that "No you hang up" routine. Then one night BAM she hits me with a thunderbolt.

Heartless Bitch: "I think we should break up PIghead"

Brave PIghead: "He He, You and your silly jokes, come over here babes til I squeeze your lovely arms ina gentle and loving manner"

Heartless Bitch: No I'm serious, we're finished. I've had enough Pighead.The sex was amazing and I doubt I'll ever find anybody more handsome but this has to end.

Brave Pighead(fighting back tears): "But but why?"

Heartless Bitch: "To be honest Pighead I don't trust you, we've been going out 2 months and you have been happy every day. Not once have I seen you down. To me thats just weird and I think you're hiding something

Brave Pighead: "You're dumping me for being too happy?"

Heartless Bitch: "Yeah suppose I am"

Brave Pighead(Bawling his eyes out):" I can change, look at me now, I'm not happy anymore.Waaaahh

Heartless Bitch: Bye Pighead.

Worst break up ever. My crime was being too happy. Since that day my smile has lessened by a couple of degrees and I fear it shall never return to its former glory. I make angry noises whenever I think of the heartless bitch. I go grrrrrrrr. Any of your ex's make you go grrrrr?

Ruu_Old

Very hard to understand Pighead but I was accused of showing too much of teh love and being too cheery. I cried for days I did. I still am holding a grudge after 7 long years and I hope you are doing the same, stay strong old chum.

free2fly

Got dumped because I was a "nice girl". He should see me now

Karoma

She probably had a heart and dumped you for other reasons (Bad odour, your tendancy to refer to yourself in a creepy 3rd person manner, shit in bed, etc.)

Pighead

Yeah you're right Ruu, she's not worth it. It still hurts though, especially when I laugh. Pigheads laugh has developed into a short sharp laugh over the years. Whenever I start to grin the heartless bitch comes into my head and shes wagging her finger and tutting which tends to make the laughing stop.

Pighead

Karoma wrote:

She probably had a heart and dumped you for other reasons (Bad odour, your tendancy to refer to yourself in a creepy 3rd person manner, shit in bed, etc.)

Actually the 3rd person thing turned her on. She used to go wild when I came home from work and announced "Pigheads in the mood for some rumpy pumpy".
However you may have a point regarding the bad odour thing.

DublinWriter

Pighead, did you never consider that going "OINK! OINK! OINK!!!" at your moment of sexual climax may have been a wee factor in the split?

Pighead

DublinWriter wrote:

Pighead, did you never consider that going "OINK! OINK! OINK!!!" at your moment of sexual climax may have been a wee factor in the split?

But shes the one who insisted I oinked. She also urged me to, and I quote "Squeal like a piggie bitch" If she ever becomes famous all Pigheads personal videos are being sold to The Sun. They'll have a field day.

DublinWriter

Pighead wrote:

They'll have a field day.

The only field-day they'll be having will be going out to some dewy field in Meath at dawn to bury said videos in a deep, deep hole.

LadyJ

Pighead,I hope you explained to her that you're never fully dressed without a smile.

Pighead

Tried that Lady J, but she just put out her hand toward me in and shouted "Enough happy boy". I'm not sure if Emo's were invented back then but perhaps she was a prototype. She may have taken away my sex for a year but she never took away my happiness(much)

LadyJ

Pighead wrote:

Tried that Lady J, but she just put out her hand toward me in and shouted "Enough happy boy".

You see,the vital thing to remember is that that statement is far more effective if accompanied by a tap dance.

Yes I go for older men!
one guy freaked out after a while about my age
It annoyed me because I was totally upfront and he was soo pretty!

JaysusMacfeck

I got dumped because I used to batter her in my sleep.

There's no punch line. This actually happened.

BaZmO*

JaysusMacfeck wrote:

I got dumped because I used to batter her in my sleep.

There's no punch line. This actually happened.

Yeah that's right, asleep.......

DublinWriter wrote:

wee factor in the split?

Is that like the X Factor but with only less sh1t?

Lust4Life

Posted by JaysusMacfeck
I got dumped because I used to batter her in my sleep.

There's no punch line. This actually happened.

Was it a crushed soda cracker and egg batter? Maybe she was afraid you were planning to fry her up some Friday.;)
Or maybe she just didn't like waking up to that cakey feeling - all that batter drying on her all night long.


Pighead, at least you can still come here for love.
*hugs!*

L

JaysusMacfeck

lolling out of my tree!!!!1

BreadBoard

free2fly wrote:

Got dumped because I was a "nice girl". He should see me now

Same here, I got dumped before for being too nice?

Dutz

same as me!!!!!!!!!! 3 times i've been dumped for being 2 nice of a guy:mad: :mad: . . . now im to laid back to give a cr*p:D :cool: :cool:

molypiper

ooopps! wrong thread i guess i am? pardon coz i do the dumping!:D

Ruu_Old

molypiper wrote:

ooopps! wrong thread i guess i am? pardon coz i do the dumping!:D

Boo hiss, off ye go now.:p Karma will bite you in the backside some day.

magnum69

i couldn't believe i was dumped because i was so good looking she felt insecured?:eek:

The Hill Billy

Pighead wrote:

"Squeal like a piggie bitch"

That's MY line! :mad:

daveg

Karoma wrote:

She probably had a heart and dumped you for other reasons (shit in bed)

Well to be fair she would have a point. It's only fair he would use the toilet like everyone else.

WhiteWashMan

i did break up with a girlfriend 2 weeks after she moved country to be with me.
that wasnt pretty.

i think in the end (ie. maybe a year or two later) she realised it was probably the best thing id actually ever done in our relationship.
although, she didnt appreciate it at the time.

i can see her point thb.

on the flip side, she had dumped me about 2 years previous to that when we were living together. i cant remember the circumstances, but i expect it was because i was an annoying immature twat, and she wouldnt put out.

Dragan

Ah yes, the old breakups. I have only ever been dumped once, in a very scary and strange dump reversal. We had been going out about 3 weeks, and she would show up on my doorstep at 4 in the morning, drunk and looking to have some patented Dragan Love and she would then proceed to cry on my doorstep before she even got into the flat ( so it could never have been my "wardrobe drop" entry technique that was so popular at the time that made her cry ). This happened 3 times over the 3 weeks, and quite frankly i was seeing a "True Story" straight to video film being made about my horrible demise at the hands of this apparently crazy lady. As such a decision was made, to ensure the survival of my line she had to go!

To rob Pighead's dialogue method.

Me : "Eh, i think we should stop seeing each other."
Her : "I love you."
Me : "Eh.....sorry?"
Her : "I love you, but all you do is hurt me."
Me : "Eh.....What?"
Her : "I can't take anymore of this and think we should stop seeing each other."
Me : "Okay then."
Her : "Maybe in another life" and off she goes.
Me : "Thank f*ck for that" and goes about my day whistling the theme tune to the Great Escape.

Man, that was a near miss let me tell you. She was loopers. :eek:

Siogfinsceal

Poor pighead!

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest her genitals and may her arms be too short to scratch ;-)

The Sweeper

My ex boyfriend tried to sell my worn panties on the internet.

I swear to God.

...what a charmer he was.

WhiteWashMan

are they still available?

Pighead

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

My ex boyfriend tried to sell my worn panties on the internet.

I swear to God.

...what a charmer he was.

:eek: .Please tell Pighead you're joking. I thought this type of behaviour only happened in the made up pages of The Sun.

Pigheads only out of bed a half an hour but that is without doubt the most disgusting thing I've heard today.
What a creep.

Pighead

WhiteWashMan wrote:

are they still available?

Actually scratch my last post. This is now the most disgusting thing i've heard today.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

My ex boyfriend tried to sell my worn panties on the internet.

I swear to God.

...what a charmer he was.

Well what else was I supposed to do with them

greenkittie

I always get dumped for being too "spontaneous and unpredictable" is that a nice way of saying psycho?

Archeron

WhiteWashMan wrote:

are they still available?

I'm afraid not, I got into the auction in the last minute and got me a soiled bargain.
If its any help, I do rent them out for parties though. By the day or by the hour.

I once got dumped for being too moany after complaining whe she stabbed me in the leg with a hair clip.

Tar.Aldarion

Never been dumped before( although I did have unrequited love for two years), counting down the days though.

BreadBoard

greenkittie wrote:

I always get dumped for being too "spontaneous and unpredictable" is that a nice way of saying psycho?

wanna hook up?

5starpool

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i did break up with a girlfriend 2 weeks after she moved country to be with me.
that wasnt pretty.

i think in the end (ie. maybe a year or two later) she realised it was probably the best thing id actually ever done in our relationship.
although, she didnt appreciate it at the time.

i can see her point thb.

on the flip side, she had dumped me about 2 years previous to that when we were living together. i cant remember the circumstances, but i expect it was because i was an annoying immature twat, and she wouldnt put out.

Revenge is a dish best served cold eh?

bluto63

This thread is brilliant. Pighead, you have me laughing the whole way through

LikeOhMyGawd!

Pighead, maybe she didn't like those helical corckscrew-like nobs that pigs have and the way that male pigs seal their baby-batter inside the lady pig's coochie using a special pig-nob wax. It just makes the whole rutting thing seem so...mechanical.

Pighead

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

Pighead, maybe she didn't like those helical corckscrew-like nobs that pigs have and the way that male pigs seal their baby-batter inside the lady pig's coochie using a special pig-nob wax. It just makes the whole rutting thing seem so...mechanical.

Eh no offence LikeOhMyGawd! (2/10,horrible Username made even worse by the exclamation mark) but Pigheads actually a human being. Surely you didn't really think I was a pig, did you?
This just in: Monkeyfudge not actually a Monkey.

LikeOhMyGawd!

Pighead wrote:

Eh no offence LikeOhMyGawd! (2/10,horrible Username made even worse by the exclamation mark) but Pigheads actually a human being. Surely you didn't really think I was a pig, did you?
This just in: Monkeyfudge not actually a Monkey.

pighead...pigcock...it's an obvious progression.

Rb

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

pighead...pigcock...it's an obvious progression.

That is poor at best.

BreadBoard

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

pighead...pigcock...it's an obvious progression.

v poor (0/10)

Lust4Life

Aw. What a way to murder a sweet innocent thread. That was just wrong, LikeOhMyGawd!

WhiteWashMan

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

pighead...pigcock...it's an obvious progression.

thats pretty awful.

and stop trying to cause agro.

theTinker

This is why I love AH.

bluto63

Try to get back on topic

We've heard very few stories about bad breakups. Has no one got any?

Pighead

A friend of Pigheads got dumped after two months when he made the mistake of introducing his lady to his bedroom.

He's a bit of a spiderman fanatic and his walls are covered in posters and pictures that hes drawn himself. Turns out she wasn't quite as fond of old spidey as my buddy.

Cue awkward silence, excuses to leave and a phonecall later that night sending him to Dumpsville.

LadyJ

Pighead wrote:

A friend of Pigheads got dumped after two months when he made the mistake of introducing his lady to his bedroom.

He's a bit of a spiderman fanatic and his walls are covered in posters and pictures that hes drawn himself. Turns out she wasn't quite as fond of old spidey as my buddy.

Cue awkward silence, excuses to leave and a phonecall later that night sending him to Dumpsville.

Oh God,please let it be Kernel!

Come on Piggy,say it's Kernel! Make LadyJ's day!

Pighead

LadyJ wrote:

Oh God,please let it be Kernel!

Come on Piggy,say it's Kernel! Make LadyJ's day!

Ha Ha. As much as Pighead love to say its Kernel I'm afraid I can't. Kernels more of a Super-Ted fan. Anyway the fact hes only ever had one girlfriend in his life reduces the potential for embarrasing break up stories.