Can you create attraction based on the "power" of your personality?

LegacyUser

There's this foreign (Dutch) chick in my History class who I fancy. She is a straight up looker that you would see in clothing mag modeling clothes. Awesome style, as fit as can be. I haven't introduced myself to her, but I do sit a few seats to her right. She hasn't acknowledged my existence. So there aren't any of the classic "signs of attraction" to mull over and wonder "does she think I'm attractive?" As Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead once said, "I ain't no beauty, but I know who I am." I'm not that great looking (probably ugly), but I'm in great shape (not buff – skinny) and I dress well for a guy on a modest budget. My question besides any other advice this post might elicit is, by introducing myself and talking to her a few times (say 3 or 4 impromptu and casual small talks) would I be able to successfully ask her out? Or is it impossible to create some kind of interest or attraction based on your personality?

This question is probably a bit stupid and childish, but I've been dateless for about 7 years (I'm 23) mainly due to my extreme shyness and never ever ever getting that smile, stare, or flick of the hair from a pretty chick. So, I've forgotten what little I knew about matters of the heart.

free2fly

I don't think it's a childish question at all. And IMO personality is an extremely important component of attraction. It's hard to say if a few conversations will make her attracted to you as "attraction" in itself is difficult to define. But it certainly couldn't hurt to talk to her. And perhaps she would appreciate the fact that someone made the effort. If she is beautiful and is from a different country, perhaps she is feeling a bit lonely herself because men are afraid to approach her.

DirtyDog

Well if you havent got a glance back from any pretty girls chances are your not the peach you think you are - OR - they have but you just never picked up on it, different women give different vibes so its near impossible to tell if they think you are attractive or not, its not as if they are gonna jump your bones there and then!!

My advice you can do this two ways - make the oportunity to bump into her, start out in the class room or just outside it so she sees you and gets to know your face, then try it out side of the class to see if she gives you any time of day. If you get the nod take the friend route, find out what shes into art, clubing, pubs and find something she might be interested in doing and ask her out. Doing it this way starts it as friends, dont try putting the horse before the cart on this one.

Second way - Go up to her and just start talking, this is more risky and has much more of a chance of being shot down which you'll have to then see her in college and it'll be horrible.

One seperate piece of advice, its hard not to be shy and get embaressed but just treat her normal, as if u knew her for years, be totally chilled and you'll have more luck. You can charm based on powers of personality and if shes not full of herself then you've got as good a chance as anyone else.

Hope it works out for yah, let us know how u get on

ferdi

dutch girls are great (massive generalisation) real easy going...the ones i've come across anyway.

podge79

Out of Love wrote:

There's this foreign (Dutch) chick in my History class who I fancy. She is a straight up looker that you would see in clothing mag modeling clothes. Awesome style, as fit as can be. I haven't introduced myself to her, but I do sit a few seats to her right. She hasn't acknowledged my existence. So there aren't any of the classic "signs of attraction" to mull over and wonder "does she think I'm attractive?" As Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead once said, "I ain't no beauty, but I know who I am." I'm not that great looking (probably ugly), but I'm in great shape (not buff – skinny) and I dress well for a guy on a modest budget. My question besides any other advice this post might elicit is, by introducing myself and talking to her a few times (say 3 or 4 impromptu and casual small talks) would I be able to successfully ask her out? Or is it impossible to create some kind of interest or attraction based on your personality?

This question is probably a bit stupid and childish, but I've been dateless for about 7 years (I'm 23) mainly due to my extreme shyness and never ever ever getting that smile, stare, or flick of the hair from a pretty chick. So, I've forgotten what little I knew about matters of the heart.

know the feeling - you just gotta forget about her and aim lower - possibly even so low that nobody'll even know if you hit or miss...thats what i do anyway...people when lookin for partners always look for an equal or better..it's just the way things are and what we accept in todays society

nobodythere

It's not as much shyness as it is a confidence problem is it?

I think I'm in the same boat but it has been 2 years for me instead of 7. Are you afraid of being rejected? I know I wouldn't be able to do it in your situation, but sure you've nothing to lose, so for everyone in the same boat as us, you gotta go for it!

The inevitable cliche: be yourself. If she likes you it should be for who you are and not who you think she'd like you to be. Please don't take the above posters advice You have to see deeper than her looks, and not just presume she'll say no because she was blessed with good looks! It ain't her fault so can't say much about her personality.

chamlis

As far as getting that smile or look goes, seriously man a girl needs to do a lapdance before I stop thinking she's just being friendly. We don't generally pick up on the signals properly or at all.

Black Swan

Take it slow. Maybe share notes in class. If she warms up to you and is friendly, ask her out.

Sangre

That depends, are you attracted to the personality of the fat girl who sits down the back?

0utshined

Dude,

Don't stress about it so much! You say she hasn't given you any signals? Well firstly by the time most guys pick up on a signal that a girl maybe, just might, be giving an indication that she's interested she is usually giving signals a the rate of 10/minute that you are not picking up on. Guys (in general) are shít at picking up on the signs that girls give.

Secondly, why care if she is giving any signs? Just talk to her. She's in a class with probably nobody she knows so if you just talk to her you're already ahead. Maybe she'll like you, maybe she won't. Maybe you'll like her, maybe you won't. At least talk to her. For me personality is key and if that's lacking you may not want to know her.

I'm expecting your next question to be "what do I say to her?". Ask her if you can copy some notes you didn't have time to write them down, Has she got a timetable 'cos you need to see where your next class is, What did the lecturer mean by X? Anything. Just start the conversation.

Oh, just thought of something. Organise a class night out in a pub or something and ask her if she's going. "I don't know anyone", "I don't either etc."


This is coming form a former also-shy guy who realised two things : 1) Value yourself more*. 2) Don't sweat the small stuff**.

*You don't even know this girl yet. Don't build it up. What's the worst that can happen? She says no to you? So what, you don't even know her yet. Her loss, move to the next girl.

** This is small stuff.

Best of luck

Dub_Ster

0utshined wrote:

Dude,

For me personality is key and if that's lacking you may not want to know her.

I'm expecting your next question to be "what do I say to her?". Ask her if you can copy some notes you didn't have time to write them down, Has she got a timetable 'cos you need to see where your next class is, What did the lecturer mean by X? Anything. Just start the conversation.

Oh, just thought of something. Organise a class night out in a pub or something and ask her if she's going. "I don't know anyone", "I don't either etc."


This is coming form a former also-shy guy who realised two things : 1) Value yourself more*. 2) Don't sweat the small stuff**.

*You don't even know this girl yet. Don't build it up. What's the worst that can happen? She says no to you? So what, you don't even know her yet. Her loss, move to the next girl.

** This is small stuff.

Best of luck

what he said :cool: .. makes loads of sence ....

LegacyUser

This is my opinion and Im sorry if it seems harsh.

I do find the question childish.
Normal, well adjusted adults dont romantically obsess/fantasise over people they dont know to talk to.

It also sounds like shes out of your league, OP. Sorry.
In my experience, beautiful European girls tend to go for beautiful guys.

Let us know how it goes but honestly I think some sort of friendship would be a better start than "admiring" someone you dont really know.

oceansize

Ignore Frank Lee.

But you can line up 10 gorgeous girls in a row. The chances are if you're not good looking, maybe 1 of them would have a remote chance of thinking you're cute or something.

Being in decent shape is good. Women like fellas like that. I'm not in that great a shape, but i'm ok looking so i get a bit of luck with decent looking birds, but usually ones i know. So get talking to her.

And maybe lift some real heavy stuff up thats she can't. Like maybe a mini or something, make sure she sees it. Or, you could crush someones skull with your bare hands in the canteen or something. They like that... ;-D

Seriously, talk to her, but don't make it obvious that you wanna do the no pants dance. Just chat about stuff she knows about.... college.

Mrs_Doyle

Out of Love wrote:

is it impossible to create some kind of interest or attraction based on your personality?.

It is definitely possible to win a girls heart based on your personality.
Now it just so happens that my current BF is a bit of a hunk ( ) , but, I gotta admit, I have gone out with some guys in the past that might not have been considered to posses model good looks.

For me, once a guy was confident and funny, he was in with a damn good chance of scoring a date.

I always loved a guy who could make me laugh, and I have met some really good guys along the way, guys who are still my friends.

If you can make this little lady smile then I reckon you have a good shot at winning her over!

Dragan

frank lee wrote:

It also sounds like shes out of your league, OP. Sorry.
In my experience, beautiful European girls tend to go for beautiful guys

Garbage. Anyone who starts talking leagues is crazy and just setting themselves up for a fall. I'm well aware of where i stand on the ladder of looks, and i would fall in at about a 7 out of 10. Does this mean i normally hook up with girls who are 7 or less, maybe an 8?

Hell no, i only bowl for 10's my friend, because that is what i am attracted to. My lass girlfriend, who i went out with for 3 years was a definite 11, on any scale.

Telling yourself or anyone else that someone is out of your or there league is just a way to cripple yourself. My mates can never understand how i can chat to some of the girls i chat to. One night we were sitting around having a chat, and i was trying to get one of the lads to go over and talk to this girl at the bar. She was giving him the eye and the grin and it was plain to see she liked the look of him, and he wouldn't do it. "She's out of my league" is exactly what he said!!! Rubbish!!!! Eventually SHE came over to HIM, and fair play to her i say!!

Now then, to the OP, just have a few chats with her if you can. You have no reason to be shy, as i always say "If you ask her out whats the worst that can happen, she'll say no? So what, it's not like your going out with her now is it?"

It's a situation where once you act like a gent you have nothing to lose. Too many guys take rejection personally, when we have all turned people down. All it means is she is not attracted to you, that does not mean that you are not attractive.

muppetkiller

Silly question but you say your dateless for 7 years..
Have you ever asked anyone out ?
that always helps ...:D
If she's in your class you've obviously something to talk about. Just say hello some time , Introduce yourself and say you missed a lecture and ask can you borrow her notes..if she says sure ask her where you can meet her to drop them back and bring her a little box of chocies as a thank you.
Then the games begin....:)

greenkittie

frank lee wrote:

I do find the question childish.
Normal, well adjusted adults dont romantically obsess/fantasise over people they dont know to talk to.

Its possible to tell from far away if you will like someone. From the way they move and talk and act.

OliviaM

greenkittie wrote:

Its possible to tell from far away if you will like someone. From the way they move and talk and act.

:rolleyes: probably. but it's also possible that that liking will disappear in an instant when you go closer.

greenkittie

OliviaM wrote:

:rolleyes: probably. but it's also possible that that liking will disappear in an instant when you go closer.

True but then if that happens, it no longer matters if they like you or not!

Kell

ferdi wrote:

dutch girls are great (massive generalisation) real easy going...the ones i've come across anyway.

And great in the sack (the ones I have come across anyway )

OP- just ask her out. Simple. No making excuses etc. You have to remember that being Dutch she is likely to be very straight talking and used to be talked to in a very straight forward manner. Dont be surprised if your answer is equally as straightforward i.e. it could be "yes, where are we going" or "fúck off".

Fúck talking about what the lecturer meant, just ask her out.

K-

AngryBadger

Out of Love wrote:

This question is probably a bit stupid and childish, but I've been dateless for about 7 years (I'm 23) mainly due to my extreme shyness and never ever ever getting that smile, stare, or flick of the hair from a pretty chick. So, I've forgotten what little I knew about matters of the heart.

I think there's two issues here:
1) You're not particularly confident in yourself
2) Like most people, you view the "dating game" as thought it's a competition or a puzzle of some kind.

Most of the time what people are attracted to is confidence in their partners, (or potential partners). This doesn't mean someone thinks they're gods' gift to the world, (although sometimes it does), it mainly means a person is at ease with themselves. you don't sound like someone aprticularly at ease with himself. I'd be less inclined to chase tis girl you're infatuated with, and more inclined to devote that energy to pursuits that'll put you more at ease with yourself, maybe get your mental image and your actual image more inline with each other.

As regards the "dating game". Look if you want to ask tis girl out, try to get a few conversations going, from the way she reacts to you you'll get an idea if you have even the slightest chance with her. And if you get it wrong, so what? Just move onto the next one. There is no formula for getting a date with someone, half the time it's just a numbers games, you ask 10 people out in a month and maybe you get 2/3 dates (.....conservative estimate )

Anyways, best of luck.

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote:

I think there's two issues here:
1) You're not particularly confident in yourself
2) Like most people, you view the "dating game" as thought it's a
competition or a puzzle of some kind.

Bingo on both accounts. On the first account, I have a paranoid fear of
investing myself with other people. I always think I'm bothering someone
by going up and talking them. Every person I know had to initiate the
first conversation with me. I feel like I am offending people by my mere
presence. Never mind the fact that my face turns blush red with the single
thought of any emotion (infatuation, anger, nervousness, disappointment,
and especially confusion). My face reads like a horror novel.

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

For me, once a guy was confident and funny, he was in
with a damn good chance of scoring a date.

I always loved a guy who could make me laugh, and I have met some really
good guys along the way, guys who are still my friends

My greatest asset is my sense of humor. I always leave my mates in
stitches. Unfortunately, I've been told by my best friend (a chick) that I
SHOULD NOT lay comedy on any chick during the first conversation. She said
that comedy comes on too strong. Is she right? I don't understand why a
couple of low key jokes or an observational joke about the class wouldn't
be a good way to break the ice.

Sangre wrote:

That depends, are you attracted to the personality of the
fat girl who sits down the back?

The fat chicks do quite well for themselves when it comes to pulling lads.

0utshined wrote:

This is coming form a former also-shy guy who realised
two things : 1) Value yourself more*. 2) Don't sweat the small stuff**.

*You don't even know this girl yet. Don't build it up. What's the worst
that can happen? She says no to you? So what, you don't even know her yet.
Her loss, move to the next girl.

** This is small stuff.

Best of luck

Truer words have never been typed. Sh*t, I tell this to people all of the
time when I give my friends life-advice. I don't know why I don't practice
what I preach. The power of the limber tail is often more powerful than
reason.

frank lee wrote:

This is my opinion and Im sorry if it seems harsh.

I do find the question childish.
Normal, well adjusted adults dont romantically obsess/fantasise over
people they dont know to talk to.

It also sounds like shes out of your league, OP. Sorry.
In my experience, beautiful European girls tend to go for beautiful guys.

Let us know how it goes but honestly I think some sort of friendship would
be a better start than "admiring" someone you dont really know.

I don't believe in the Caste system let alone dating leagues. I've worked
too hard and sacrificed too much to do well in school to settle for a sh*t
job. Why should it be any different when looking for a hot lass?

My "obsession" with her is limited to passing thoughts of "wow she's hot"
and "thank God for tight jeans." My only real obsession is with not
screwing up, not being a nervous wreck, and finally bagging a hot chick
before graduation. I have confidence issues, but I know I have a lot of
great things going for me. There are people who do a lot more with less,
so there's no excuse for 7 years of dating exile. I really need to man up a
bit, bite the bullet and just talk to this chick.

My class with her is next, so I'll try to catch a word with her in the
hallway after class. I'll update you guys on anything notable. Thanks all for lending an ear.

Ickle Magoo

Can you create attraction based on the "power" of your personality?

I would say; of course...

Some people look fabulous & yet become more unnattractive as you get to know them & likewise some people you aren't originally drawn to become hugely attractive as you get to know them.

The bottom line is you have to talk to the girl & see if her personality matches her good looks & if you are still attracted to her then ask her out - what have you got to loose? Ignore "leagues", nothing ventured nothing gained & I'd say your opinion of which league you figure in would be dependant on your self-esteem/confidence at the time. Best of luck

Sangre

My point was, if you are going for the class 'beauty', what makes you think she won't also? Why aren't you going for the minger with the great personality? Isn't that what you want her to do?

...not that I know what you look like or anything.

Just my experience, in the 15-25 age bracket, looks still count for a lot.

Greenfigure

Personality wins me over everytime! Many girlie nights in, we've discussed all the guys we know and we always say " oh he's not that cute but he is just so witty!" or soemthing along those lines. Organise a get together and ask her along, then abandon everyone else when she arrives! Works a treat!