The dead wa<H<Hdrive

Blitzkrieger

My car threw a bit of a wobbler last weekend but it was booked in for a service today anyway so it was really just a minor inconvenience. I borrowed my brother's spare car today and what a machine that was! You haven't lived until you've driven an '89 Puegot 309 Challenger. I think it's called a “Challenger” because it's such a challenge to get the freaking thing to move. I don't know what size the engine was but it looked tiny sitting there with it's asmathic carbs, single overhead cam and three valves per cylinder. No fancy fuel injection, abs, power steering or anything. To be honest, the steering wheel seemed to be connected to the wheels by wishful thinking. Turing the steering wheel prompted a turn with all the graced and speed of a glacier.

All the controls seemed to have little influence on where or how fast you were going. Pressing the accelerator made the engine a bit louder but provided a surge of speed best measured in terms of continental drift. The drum brakes weren't much better. It you want to stop suddenly you'd better have braked last week. You know how some base model cars have little square bit's of plastic where on a higher speck model there'd be a switch for air-con, or heated seats if only you'd worked that bit harder, or studied that bit longer? This car didn't even have those!

It wasn't really all that bad. I was in no hurry to go anywhere so I just cruised into town to get a magazine to waste some time. The thing that really amazed me was that I still got around faster than most people. I passed a woman in a Punto that was so old I think she might have been technically dead. Remember how slow my car was and given the fact I wasn't in a hurry, I really shouldn't have out-accelerated her in her modern car. She must have been barely tickling the pedal. I don't care if she wasn't in a hurry – at that speed she's in the way and creating a hazard. At that speed, you might as well get out and walk.

Are they called coffin dodger's because she was going marginally faster than a hearse?

Then I was cut off at the magic roundabout by another woman who might have been technically dead – she had “married” hair. You know married hair – it's when they cut it short and think it's quite stylish but actually looks like it was done by an Irish mammy. When “manageable” becomes more important than “pretty”. She was definitely brain dead. She entered the roundabout from the city side in the correct lane to exit in the left hand lane going towards Wilton, then halfway around swerved in front of me to exit in the right hand lane. She didn't seem to notice me beeping at her but that could have been because it took me a while to find where the horn was, and it was so quiet she probably couldn't hear it over the racket the kids jumping around the back seat were obviously making. Once in the right hand lane heading towards Wilton she accelerated so slowly she held me up again, and remember how slow my car was, before suddenly lurching into the left hand lane to go to Togher.

What pissed me off is that she probably picks those kids up five days a week, takes the same wrong route around the roundabout, never thinks she might be wrong and thinks everybody who beeps at her is a lunatic/asshole.

Zombies.

Turned out my battery had gone into the west. I was damn glad to get my car back again.

Chonker

Is this Jeremy Clarkson? or just a section from a bad episode

Blitzkrieger wrote:

It wasn't really all that bad. I was in no hurry to go anywhere so I just cruised into town to get a magazine to waste some time.

Then why tell us. Dont you think you should have posted this in Creative Writing?

Great story btw, Not....

fletch

Well I really enjoyed it!

Chonker

fletch wrote:

Well I really enjoyed it!

Good for you.:D

Avns1s

fletch wrote:

Well I really enjoyed it!

Me too!

mloc123

It must have taken me 20 minutes to read that, maybe I fell asleep half way....