Close friend thinks I'm in love with her and TBH I'm not sure she's wrong.

LegacyUser

My close friend got dumped and it looks like while I was cheering her up I went a little too far telling her how special I thought she was.

And she thought I had fallen for her. And she was so clearly horrified. So was/am I, because now I think she might've been right.
The current status is that she doesn't think so anymore, as I explained it away, etc. So it could go either way now.

I don't know whether to feel angry, embarrassed, guilty/apologetic or just completely deny and hide it forever, for both our sakes.

Note: Realistically 'it' would/could never, ever work between us. For so many reasons.
We're both over 20.

If it's true, I think I'd rather hide and deny it forever than lose her as a friend, btw.

She's amazing. Please advise

You dont have to feel angry mad embarrassed or anything.
Just be you-oh and read my sig
I love this "it would never work" logic that you and so many others use.You dont know that for sure-what the problem is,is that you are afraid you'll ruin the important friendship.
Now thats a tough one alright.

Personally I think it needs a good bit of inner strength.From a personal stand point I've never let sexual feelings or an ended relationship end a friendship.I've been lucky that way
so I s'pose, if you dont want to go there, dont.If you do talk to her about it.

Faith

From personal experience, I'd say keep it to yourself if it's true. You say she looked "horrified" when she thought that you were in love with her. That's your strongest indicator. One of my close friends poured out his feelings for me, and I was horrified. For me, it has ruined our friendship.

You've said yourself that it could never work, so let it be. And I mean completely forget about it. If you start dropping hints, maybe to see her reaction, you will lfreak her out and ose her as a friend.

From your use of language, I know that you already know that this is the only way. Just forget about being anything other than her friend.

Pigman II

And she thought I had fallen for her. And she was so clearly horrified.

Why? Does she think she's too good for you?

The current status is that she doesn't think so anymore, as I explained it away, etc. So it could go either way now.

Ah yes, nothing like perpetuating the reality that suits you best.

I don't know whether to feel angry, embarrassed, guilty/apologetic or just completely deny and hide it forever, for both our sakes.

You should feel angry

Note: Realistically 'it' would/could never, ever work between us.

Why?

If it's true, I think I'd rather hide and deny it forever than lose her as a friend, btw.

Grow some balls ya pussy. Friends are 10 a penny.

She's amazing. Please advise

You love her yeah yeah yeah. You love her yeah yeah yeah.

flirt1100

i know how you feel, i was there too.. my advice to you is sit her down and talk to her.. explain exactly how you feel.. chances are she will feel the same. and then maybe ye both can go on been great friends... x x:)

Darragh29

Read my sig, that's my 2 cents worth...

Faith

Faith wrote:

From personal experience, I'd say keep it to yourself if it's true. You say she looked "horrified" when she thought that you were in love with her. That's your strongest indicator. One of my close friends poured out his feelings for me, and I was horrified. For me, it has ruined our friendship.

In what way? You were horrified that they were attracted to you? you should get over that unless they are labouring the point.
If they were a close friend then I'd be re evaluating what your definition of close is tbh.
If they were freaky about the attraction and continued to be stalky then it looks like you made a mistake in considering them as close.In sush a situation I'd say you did the right thing.

However your situation appears to be completely different to the OP's situation.
In my opinion,I think he should at least talk to her and tease out the situation.
After all truly close friends can talk about almost anything right?

Caryatnid

Tristrame wrote:

In what way? You were horrified that they were attracted to you? you should get over that unless they are labouring the point.
If they were a close friend then I'd be re evaluating what your definition of close is tbh.

Hey it's not fair to be that judgemental. Sometimes it just doesn't work if someone fancies someone who doesn't fancy them back. Because the relationship isn't even, or equal. Maybe the other person couldn't 'get over it'.
I think there's a good chance of any best-friend relationship when one person fancies the other.

To the OP: From your post, it seems that you didn't think you fancied this girl until she told you she thought you did? Is this true? Do you think you really do fancy her, or is it just she put the idea into your head and you got confused?

Faith

Tristrame wrote:

In what way? You were horrified that they were attracted to you? you should get over that unless they are labouring the point.
If they were a close friend then I'd be re evaluating what your definition of close is tbh.
If they were freaky about the attraction and continued to be stalky then it looks like you made a mistake in considering them as close.In sush a situation I'd say you did the right thing.

However your situation appears to be completely different to the OP's situation.
In my opinion,I think he should at least talk to her and tease out the situation.
After all truly close friends can talk about almost anything right?

This thread isn't about me at all, but I feel I should respond to such a direct attack.

I was horrified because I hadn't realised that he felt this way. It completely changed everything. He said he'd been in love with me since we first met, over four years ago, so that made me question what our friendship was actually based on. Also, I very much didn't feel the same way, so I was put in the horrible position of having to tell him that and hurt him.

I've also been on the other side of it, where I was in love with one of my friends. I never said a word to him about it until I knew for definate that he liked me too, and even then I was cautious.

To the OP, I stick with my original advice. Unless you're damn sure that she likes you back, then don't tell her. I also think Caryatnid is onto something. Is it just because she thought that you liked her, that you think you do? Maybe you are just confusing friendship with something more.

Dub_Ster

Faith wrote:

I was horrified because I hadn't realised that he felt this way. It completely changed everything. He said he'd been in love with me since we first met, over four years ago, so that made me question what our friendship was actually based on. Also, I very much didn't feel the same way, so I was put in the horrible position of having to tell him that and hurt him.

i dont think he was in love with you i think he wanted to be! but it sounds more like infatuation and not love plus bye the sounds of things any man who poors his heart out to a woman is going no wear regardliss of the girl it just freeks women out, and makes them look really needy and no woman sbconously wants that ...

Faith wrote:

I've also been on the other side of it, where I was in love with one of my friends. I never said a word to him about it until I knew for definate that he liked me too, and even then I was cautious.

I agree there's a carefull line you have to cross in something like that and the onkly way to do it is to express interest in the person not say ogh i love youwhen i think of you the sun shines blah blah blah, if she interested shel let you no or when she's ready

i could right a book about this topic ive just sorted my own littelr probelm out ,..

OP there all amazeing do you like her ?

then leave her be for a month or a bit longer talk but just dont talk about that, then if you think your able for her and you want her expres your intertest go for a coffee a bike ride , a beer something but do it togeather and some where , were you no youle booth be alone ....

chamlis

If the question is "Would I?" then you've nothing to worry about.
The real quetion is "would I marry her?"

ExcellentAdvice

Darragh29 wrote:

Read my sig, that's my 2 cents worth...

That's really excellent advice.

Faith

Faith wrote:

This thread isn't about me at all, but I feel I should respond to such a direct attack.

Sigh,that wasnt meant as an attack,it was more of a question/point of information.Also you commented in the thread giving the example that you did.Surely its fair that someone should disagree with you.
I was wondering how a friend could really be or ever have been "close" at all in the proper sense if you dump them because they are attracted to you.
Thats not what close friends do.In fairness,its only when I asked this that you came back to say that you re evaluated the friendship.You hadnt told us that he was in love with you from day one which is entirely different to some one falling in love with you over time.Do you understand where I'm coming from?

The only explanation for the friendship in the type of example the OP and you are talking about going sour in my opinion is awkwardness ie the person with the unrequited love feeling hurt and the person "loved" feeling they cant cope with the fact that this person is attracted to them/or continuing to look at them in this way and more especially if they become stalky.

(didn't want to drag you into a discussion on your life or mine here either,that can be done via pm but I'd prefer if you looked at my posts here as being in general and not too specefic)