Have you ever seen a Psychologist?

LegacyUser

I've been thinking of going to see a counsellor / psychologist for quite a long time now. I don't really have a serious problem, just a few issues in my head which I think maybe a professional will be able to help me with. It is to do with women and relationships etc. I have talked a little bit to friends etc about it, but really I would not feel comfortable completely opening up to someone who knows me, but I'm sure talking to a trained professional will be a lot easier and more productive.

However despite toying with the idea for months and months, I have never actually done anything about it. I suppose I'm nervous taking the first step. If I am to open up compeltely and tell a strager my innermost feelings etc, I want to make sure I feel comfortable with this person. I'm not really sure whether I would perfer talking to a man or a woman, or whether young or old. And I do not know what to expect, what happens, how long does it take etc etc.

I would appreciate if anyone can share they experiance of what is it like to see a shrink, how they felt their experience went and how I should do about finding the right person to talk to.
Thanks

lizzy_beth

Hi,

Well I guess there are no absolute rules in finding someone you'll work well with. The only things I can say to you are: (1) Make sure they are properly qualified before you go giving them money (2) Don't be afraid to change to someone else if you feel you are not 'clicking' with them (3) You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to just because they are a counsellor/psychologist- wait until you are comfortable and (4) Consider asking friends/ family for a recommendation but be aware that someone they got on with may not suit you. If you are privately paying for services like this it can be a bit of a trial and error process. If you use public mental health services you are unlikely to have any choice and may have trouble accessing these types of professionals.

Hope this helps and good luck!

flamingo

just in relation to the above lizzy_beth's comments, i don't think it's really necessary to 'click' with your therapist, and indeed, as far as ive been able to work out, some therapeutic approaches work on the basis that challenging the person can help them - obviously tho, you do need to feel you trust your shrink, and that you can talk to them. but it's not always plain sailing, and that's just part of the process. yeah, don't feel you've to stick with someone that isnt working for you, but don't switch just coz things may get a little tricky for a while.

good luck tho! from my own experience, i really think therapy could help lots of people who dont necessarily think they've serious problems, just 'issues' and stuff in their heads they want to sort out better...

so i hope it works for you!
x

Black Swan

Went through a couple of them when younger. Essentially they are to serve as guides, as ultimately, you have to affect the change yourself. The experience was not particularly useful for me, but I have had friends who claimed they have helped. You GP might be able to give you a referral?

lizzy_beth

Hey, yeah I guess when I say 'click' I mean trust/ feel happy and safe with rather than the type of 'click' you'd want with friends or a partner. I guess I'm just speaking from the experience of seeing someone who I essentially didnt feel comfortable with and I dont think anyone should continue in a therapeutic relationship like that. I have also had the experience of therapy where I 'clicked' with the counsellor- not to say it wasnt hard just that it was more useful. Different things suit different people so I guess im just saying you may need to 'shop around' a bit.

flamingo

sorry, yeah, that's fair enough! i just know some people who dropped out when they felt their shrink wasn't on their side - and while different things work for different people, i just wanted to let the OP know that, from my experiences only, the most challenging parts cant be the more fruitful...

but you're right, comfort and safety are absolutely important.

LegacyUser

I saw one as a teenager as a referral from school. (I had the crap beaten out of me for being gay, and it being the 1980s, I was seen as the one with the "problem" despite the fact that the problem was that everybody else couldn't deal with me being honest about my sexuality!)

Its nearly 20 years ago so hard to remember in detail, generally they let you talk away and ask questions that get you to question yourself and problems you find yourself in, and hopefully come up with workable solutions to what you see as problematic. My problem however, was that my parents were also seeing them and they wouldn't really talk about it openly so really it just kept the peace for a few years, which wasn't bad, but didn't really sort out the real problem - which was my parents refusal to accept my sexuality. 20 years later, they never really have, but at least they don't try to change me anymore.

I think it might be a good idea to discuss thing with a total stranger, but you get out of it what you put into it. The more honest and open you are, then the more you stand to gain.

ircoha

lf1453 wrote:

.... generally they let you talk away and ask questions that get you to question yourself and problems you find yourself in, and hopefully come up with workable solutions to what you see as problematic.

I think it might be a good idea to discuss thing with a total stranger, but you get out of it what you put into it. The more honest and open you are, then the more you stand to gain.

this sums the process up pretty well, good post.

Bye and large, they can only work on what you tell them, particularly when the patient is self referred.

You will need a letter from your GP to get an appointment and it can be trial and error as to whether you get a "good" one.

By its nature, it will be up to you to buy into an make the solution work.

For example, a simple example: say u are afraid of going to sleep with light off, u are the one who will eventually have to turn it off, not anyone else

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. Are there are different types of phychologists with different specialityes and experties etc? My issues relate to women, sex and relationships so I want someone whi has specific experience in this field and will be able to identify the problems i'm having. Basicly I'm on my mid 20's - have a very happy and successfull life, apart from the fact that I have never had a proper girlfriend - and very little sexual/relationship experience at all. I hae never had a problem meeting women, talking to them, getting on very well and becoming close with them, but never seem to be able to take it beynd a platonic friendship. I have had countless fantastic/wonderful/beautiful women in my life who care for me dearly, but I can never leave the 'friends zone'. If I am getting on extremely well with a girl and want to kiss her etc, but I am unsure of what might happen, I will always back our or take the high road instead of risking rejecton & embarrassment in case it does not happen as I'd like it to. Its always bothered me but now i want to try to do something about it.

It kills me to read people posting here about how 'its impossible to have a platonic relationship, you always end up sexually/romanticly involved with a girl if you get that close. I am the compelte oppasite. There is no real reason why at least some girls might like me the way I like them, so it must be me and depend on my attitude and actions towards them that leads me to never become anything more than friends. Hopefully a psychologist will be able to explore these issues with me. Where should I go or what should I do to try to find an appropriate person?

SingingCherry

ircoha wrote:

For example, a simple example: say u are afraid of going to sleep with light off, u are the one who will eventually have to turn it off, not anyone else

I think this is the main thing that people try to take out of therapy. I was in therapy for about a year about 11 years ago. Week in and week out I would come in with the same problems and every week we would talk them out and possible solutions for myself. Eventually, I got to the point where I realize that I have to be the proactive one when it came to changing -- no one is going to change for me and I haven't had to go back since.

That was my experience, who knows if your therapist will be the same, but I suspect this is how it all goes. They can only help you if you are open to eventually helping yourself. That could take a while, but of course, it's worth it. You seem like you are definitely taking the first step. Good luck

LegacyUser

hi!
ive been to several counsellors/psychotherapists and yes it can be so nerve wracking opening up to a stranger but I really got a great benefit out of it.
I would agree with the previous comments it is important to find someone you feel comfortable with but the thing to remember is, certainly at least the first session you may leave very upset and think its not working. It is, its just making you think about things you havent thought about before. dont expect it to be easy intially. It is a strange process to open up to a stranger but I couldnt recommend it enough! I dont think you even necessarily need to have something 'wrong' to feel the benefit of counselling. It can be very eye opening and help a great deal.