Questions about a Catholic Wedding Ceremony

jasonb

Hi there...

Posted this in reply to a thread in the Atheist Forum, and they suggested I might be able to get some help here.

I'm an atheist and my girlfriend does have faith, though she's not a strict catholic or anything like that.

That said, she would like a church wedding, and she would like any kids we may have baptised etc.

We've talked about this a lot, and as of yet haven't really figured out how to handle it. I realise that a civil ceremony would be enough for me, I'd consider myself married, but she wouldn't, for her a blessing, of some sort, is needed.

I'm trying to investigate what a standard Catholic Wedding ceremony consists of. In other words, what has to be said, and what doesn't. Like, for example, does the Bride and Groom HAVE to take communion? I've no problem with people having faith, even though I don't, but I really don't know how comfortable I'd be saying religious phrases or oaths out loud in public, as I don't believe them.

I don't believe any relationship between someone with faith and an athiest is automatically doomed, it's just another difference to sort out and figure out how to handle.

Does anyone know where I could go to ask questions and find out details about what's involved in a religious ( Catholic ) wedding ceremony, what has to be said, what doesn't etc? Thanks...

J.

Mrs. MacGyver

This is from www.ultimatewedding.com/

It might come in handy.

"One of the most regularly posed questions by brides, both Catholic and non-Catholic, getting married in a Catholic Church is "What exactly happens at a Catholic wedding?"

Weddings in the Roman Catholic Church, that take place in a Catholic parish, come in two forms - weddings held within the context of Mass and weddings held outside the context of Mass. What is the difference? Eucharist.

In a wedding within the context of Mass, the ceremony consists of the Liturgy of the Word (3 readings from Scripture, a responsorial psalm and a homily, generally), the Nuptial Rite (when you actually get married), and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Basically, it is Mass, just like regular Sunday Mass, with a wedding in the middle of it. That's the easiest way to understand it.

In a wedding outside of the context of Mass, the ceremony consists of a Liturgy of the Word (2 or 3 readings from Scripture, a responsorial psalm, and a homily) and the Nuptial Rite. There is no communion service.

How you choose which wedding you would prefer is a decision best made with you, your fianc頡nd your priest. The law regulating liturgies in the Church, however, is quite clear that for a wedding to take place within the context of Mass when a Catholic is marrying a non-baptized person, the permission of the local Bishop must be received.

More specifically, though, how does the wedding ceremony break down? The following is a list, in order, of how the wedding within the context of Mass will proceed:

Entrance Rite or Introductory Rite

Procession (can be musical, but the rite has a preference for it being sung as a hymn by the gathered faithful)

Greeting (if this is omitted, the celebration of marriage begins at once with the Mass)

Gathering Song (optional and really not necessary if you sing the processional hymn)

Penitential Rite

Opening Prayer

Liturgy of the Word

First Reading (must be an Old Testament reading)

Responsorial Psalm (can be recited or sung if you have a cantor)

Second Reading (must be a New Testament reading)

Gospel Acclamation (usually sung)

Gospel Reading

Homily

The Rite of Marriage

Questions (the priest asks the couple questions about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each other, and acceptance and upbringing of children)

Exchange of Consent (vows)

Blessing of Rings

Exchange of Rings

General Intercessions (should use the formula as approved by the Conference of Bishops - the profession of faith can then be said after this, if desired - most don't do it)

Liturgy of the Eucharist

Presentation of the Gifts and Preparation of the Altar (a hymn can be sung here, which is the preferred option, and the bride and groom may choose to present the gifts themselves)

Eucharistic Prayer

Sanctus (Holy Holy - usually sung)

Memorial Acclamation (usually sung)

Great Amen (usually sung)

Communion Rite

Lord's Prayer (after the Lord's Prayer , the prayer "Deliver Us" is omitted)

Nuptial Blessing

Sign of Peace

Agnus Dei (Lamb of God - usually sung)

Communion Hymn (preferably sung)

Concluding Rite

Final Blessing (Solemn Blessing)

Dismissal

Introduction of Married Couple (including "the kiss")

Recessional

For a marriage that is celebrated outside of the context of Mass, the rite has the following structure:

Entrance Rite
Liturgy of the Word: 2 or 3 readings with intervening chants
Homily
Rite of Marriage
General intercessions
Nuptial Blessing
Conclusion: Lord's prayer and Final Blessings

There is yet another rite for special circumstances (i.e. the marriage of a Catholic and a non-baptized person). The wedding is part of a Liturgy of the Word (like any other wedding outside of the context of Mass), but the marriage text will omit any reference to the marriage as a sacrament.

People often ask about things like Marian devotions, unity candles and other cultural and customary additions to the Catholic wedding ceremony. None of these things are written into the wedding liturgy, but can be added if they are custom in your area. You should talk directly with your priest about whether additions of custom can be added to your wedding liturgy.

The best way to know what your Catholic wedding ceremony will look like is to attend Mass at the parish where you will be wed and to attend one or two weddings being held there. "


You will have to go for pre-marraige councelling if you are getting married in a Catholic Church, perhaps you should talk to a priest about this to get a clear perspective.

jasonb

Thanks a lot, that's very helpful!

One other quick question. Is it up to the priest which of these two ceremonies are done, of does he 'have' to do which one is chosen by the Bride and Groom? Obviously, the ideal is that it's something decided by the three people together, but I'd hate to be in a position where we ask for one type of ceremony, and the priest doesn't want to do it. Or is this unlikely? Can't discuss this with the priest yet, as we're not sure what church we'd be getting married in.

J.

Nevyn

It is possible to have the wedding with out the mass and not have a mass celebrated so that the awkwardness of recieving or not recieving holy communion can be advoided.

You may have to start looking to find a preist that will marry a catholic to an athiest to begin with, some of them won't it is not as easy oh I like that look of thathurch lets get married there.
ALot of priests will only marry those that are in thier parish and those that are an active part and are seen to go to mass and take part.

jasonb

That is my worry, that it might not be easy, esepcially if it comes down to one Priest's opinion. Not saying he doesn't have a right to that of course, but if the Priest in her Parish ( or another Priest if we try to get married somewhere else ) has a problem with me being an Atheist, then we all have a problem.

And I really don't want to be going down the road of not telling the Priest I am an Atheist. I think my opinions / beliefs / whatever you want to call them are as valid as anyone elses, and I don't feel ashamed of them.

I guess what I'm trying to do is find out what's available within the church in general, so then when I do talk to a Priest, I've got some idea. There's a good chance that it's going to be tough, but then love sometimes is, it doesn't mean it's not worth it!

J.

Mick86

jasonb wrote:

I'm trying to investigate what a standard Catholic Wedding ceremony consists of. In other words, what has to be said, and what doesn't. Like, for example, does the Bride and Groom HAVE to take communion? I've no problem with people having faith, even though I don't, but I really don't know how comfortable I'd be saying religious phrases or oaths out loud in public, as I don't believe them.....

Go and ask a Catholic Priest. The ceremony is just Mass with the marriage bit in the middle taking the standard form of Do you X take Y to be your wife, etc, etc. If you're not Cathlic you can't take Communion.