Girls asking blokes out...

layke

I was reading through This Thread on Personal issues and it got me thinking about all the times i've randomly given phone numbers and asked girls out. Then it dawned on me, I have only ever been asked out by one girl who was from Poland and made a special effort to come over to me and have a chat. I've gotten plenty of 'yes you may chat me up looks' (and then gone in for the kill) but the vast majority of girls just don't do it imo leaving me to make the effort.

Today I just want to know why? Perhaps it's an Irish thing, I would have no problem going up to a girl in a pub/club and after a chat ask for a phone number bu it often pass girls in said places commenting on some random Fabio over in the corner saying how cute he is etc but none of them actually follow up on it??? The mind boggles. In the UK it's totally different if your a looker girls will queue to talk to you. It's not just me lots of people (guys) feel the same.

So, is there some sort of secret code of conduct i'm unaware of? Or is this just some sexually repressed culture we have yet to shake off.

wyndham

shyness is nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0IYW63CEpM

Love2love

I asked out my current boyfriend but only when I realised that he was too shy to ask me out. He thought that he wouldn't stand a chance with me (for some strange reason). Maybe this is a possiblity for some girls also. They don't want to appear desperate - I don't really know. But I do know other girls who ask men out and they always get a yes!

I've done it a good few times but only when I’ve been 1000% sure he wasn't going to turn me down

And in one case the guy was there with his girlfriend and looking for an ego stroke by flirting with me, this has happened also to a few of my mates
Those guy's are the best because usually one of his girlfriend’s mates is there and WW3 start's and usually end's with me saying (or screaming for effect) 'You have a girlfriend?!?!?!?!?WTF were you playing at asking me back to a party, SCUMBAG’ Similar situation happened to a mate of mine and his girlfriend gave him knee to the balls, my mate just stood there laughing!

Raekwon

I think 99% of Irish blokes make the first move. The reason that Irish girls don't do it is because they thing they might look desperate or something like that. It seems silly, but that's the way it looks.

I agree with you OP, girls from other countries seem to be more out going and confident and approaching the opposite sex is like a natural impulse to them. Maybe Irish girls will grow out of this with the influx of other cultures in our society these days.

projectmayhem

i think girls in ireland know a good "talk to me" look is all they need to get a guy over, which usually works. if not, i've found rather then approaching a guy, they'll send a friend over to you

Caco

Supposedly 87% of men would love for a woman to take the first move!
Personally I would too, it's just so uncommon and unique!!

greenkittie

I always make the first move! Mainly cause i dont like most of the guys who make the first move on me. I like a wee chase...

Caco

greenkittie wrote:

Mainly cause i dont like most of the guys who make the first move on me.

Thats one of the main reasons I don't like approaching women while out, I would hate to be seen as a sleazy drunk perv even though I don't come off as one! I just get the impression that if I were to approach a girl while out, that she would see me in the same light as alot of other sleazy/pervy guys who may have tried to chat her up before! I'm also just shy haha

greenkittie

Caco wrote:

Thats one of the main reasons I don't like approaching women while out, I would hate to be seen as a sleazy drunk perv even though I don't come off as one! I just get the impression that if I were to approach a girl while out, that she would see me in the same light as alot of other sleazy/pervy guys who may have tried to chat her up before! I'm also just shy haha

Awww, i think most girls can tell the difference between a sleazy drunk and a genuine guy. Its just my luck that most of the guys who approach me are of the sleazy drunk variety!

LadyJ

I always chat up men! I asked my current boyfriend out in fact. I dunno,it's just that I notice a lot of guys eyeing me up but they rarely actually come over and talk to me.

Some do,but others can be quite shy or nervous and if I go and chat to them they're usually surprised that I'm friendly. I've been told I look quite angry a lot of the time and I'm quite intimidating.

Like everyone else,I get men groping me as they walk by or drunkenly coming over and trying to kiss me without saying a word,but I find it refreshing when a guy actually comes over and chats with me.

I'm sick of men assuming that I wouldn't be interested. Woo me dammit!

Doctor Fell

LadyJ wrote:

Woo me dammit!

Woo!!! Woo woo woo!!!!!

Phhhhwoooaaahhh!!! /pant pant pant

My pleasure...

The Corinthian

coolsmileygirl wrote:

I've done it a good few times but only when I’ve been 1000% sure he wasn't going to turn me down

This seems to be the main reason women cite as why they don’t ask men out. It would appear that men are better equipped to handle rejection.

Ruu_Old

LadyJ wrote:

I always chat up men! I asked my current boyfriend out in fact. I dunno,it's just that I notice a lot of guys eyeing me up but they rarely actually come over and talk to me.

Some do,but others can be quite shy or nervous and if I go and chat to them they're usually surprised that I'm friendly. I've been told I look quite angry a lot of the time and I'm quite intimidating.

Like everyone else,I get men groping me as they walk by or drunkenly coming over and trying to kiss me without saying a word,but I find it refreshing when a guy actually comes over and chats with me.

I'm sick of men assuming that I wouldn't be interested. Woo me dammit!

I wish I knew more people like you when I was younger then instead of poor Ruu having to do all the chasing and asking.

LadyJ

The Corinthian wrote:

This seems to be the main reason women cite as why they don’t ask men out. It would appear that men are better equipped to handle rejection.

Yeah I think a lot of women find rejection just too embarrassing. Some men do as well but moreso women,I find.

Personally,I always think it's kinda funny being rejected (in a chatting up situation that is). It's only ever happened to me twice,as far as I remember,but it was hilarious both times.

I think a lot of people seem to invest too much into their ability to "score" and so rejection is a huge blow. However,everytime I chat someone up I just see it as chancing my arm. It's not like I know the guy,I just think he's hot so who cares if he's not interested? Maybe I'm just not his type. There are plenty of men that I consider good looking and nice to talk to but it doesn't mean that they're necessarily my type.

ferdi

ah getting rejected is a great laugh, personally i dont think a night has been successful unless i've been shot down.

and i've maintained a very successful track rocord, let me tell you!

greenkittie

LadyJ wrote:

I always think it's kinda funny being rejected (in a chatting up situation that is).

I quite agree, mostly, i find the guy looks rather embaressed by the whole thing.

panda100

LadyJ wrote:

Yeah I think a lot of women find rejection just too embarrassing. Some men do as well but moreso women,I find.

Personally,I always think it's kinda funny being rejected (in a chatting up situation that is). It's only ever happened to me twice,as far as I remember,but it was hilarious both times.

.

Totally agree.Its healthy to get rejected every know and again to keep egos in check etc

Ive asked out every guy ive ever gone out with bar one. Saying that I would have done it in a really subtle way. Becoming friends first and then saying do you want to meet up sometime or something along those lines. Its quite sad actually that in 23 years only one guy has gotten my number and asked me out..poor panda!However all the relationships Ive had has ended disastrously cos I suppose I always had this underlining feeling that I had asked them out and if they had really liked me they would have asked me out.

koneko

Getting embarrassed by rejection is awfully secondary-school-ish. I don't think any adults actually laugh at that or tell their friends "Ah jaaaysus that girl asked me out, what a muppet!"

Maybe it's an Irish-girl thing, don't know (not Irish myself). I don't see a problem with it.

Laslo

Judging by this thread the fact that, in general, Irish men chat Irish women up and not the other way around makes the majority of Irish women sexist! You can't have your cake and eat it girls Now get those chat-up lines ready...

Belle_Morte

Laslo wrote:

Judging by this thread the fact that, in general, Irish men chat Irish women up and not the other way around makes the majority of Irish women sexist! You can't have your cake and eat it girls Now get those chat-up lines ready...

Some of us already have although I don't know if I count as I'm not Irish.

Darragh29

ferdi wrote:

ah getting rejected is a great laugh, personally i dont think a night has been successful unless i've been shot down.

and i've maintained a very successful track rocord, let me tell you!

That sounds like a cool healthy attitude, seriously it does!!! :cool: :cool:

projectmayhem

Darragh29 wrote:

That sounds like a cool healthy attitude, seriously it does!!! :cool: :cool:

you have to joke when rejected. the kind of "i'm not fired, i quit!" type of thing just to lighten the mood before moving on to the girls mates

(note: i swear i'm not speaking from experience)

Nala

I have no problem going up to a lad if I've already made eye contact with him, I am not shy once I've a few drinks on me but I'd only go up to him if he was on his own on only with one or two friends. I remember a lad coming over out of nowhere once and asking me to dance in front of my friends, I didn't like him so I told him I had a boyfriend but I felt awful cos my friends were all watching and I said no!

Most of the people I've met in a club came up to me first though, often out of nowhere. I never seem to notice a lot of them before they come over.

Oh yeah, and I hate the ones that just stare and stare but don't come over. Drives me mad.

Rhyme

I would thoroughly enjoy getting approached in that kind of situation.

Someone mentioned earlier about girls not taking a rejection as well as guys... reverse power-trip?

Feral Mutant

Nala wrote:

Oh yeah, and I hate the ones that just stare and stare but don't come over. Drives me mad.

AAAH I've been discovered :eek: *jumps out of bushes and runs off*

Terry

i've never been asked out by a woman, so i'm putting myself out there now.
ladies of boards.ie, i'm a 30 year old bum. who wants to touch me?

GAA widow

Raekwon wrote:

I think 99% of Irish blokes make the first move. The reason that Irish girls don't do it is because they thing they might look desperate or something like that. It seems silly, but that's the way it looks.

Yeah, I agree with you. Personally I would never have approached a guy - not out of shyness or anything like that but if a guy does the approaching and the spadework I think he appreciates you more in the long run after putting in the downtime and effort. Decisiveness is attractive in males.

DonkeyStyle \o/

Hmm, so it's 'being decisive' when a man does it, but 'desperate' when a woman does.
What about the men who've decided quite concusively that they're desperate for a shag?

GAA widow

DonkeyStyle \o/ wrote:

Hmm, so it's 'being decisive' when a man does it, but 'desperate' when a woman does.
What about the men who've decided quite concusively that they're desperate for a shag?

Yeah basically. Who says they're definitely going to get a shag though?!

theTinker

Nala wrote:

Oh yeah, and I hate the ones that just stare and stare but don't come over. Drives me mad.

oh so u girls notice....damn....:o

Trinity

I asked a guy out once and i dont think i would be too quick to do it again.

He was dead late for our date - i mean dead late, i had to call him to see if he was coming. Under normal circumstances i wouldnt have waited but having taken the time to get ready organising the babysitter etc there was no way i was going home!

fast forward a month it transpired he had a girlfriend at the time and only finished with her after seeing me a couple of times and realising he liked me. Have to say i was shocked as he was a very quiet guy from the country.

In the end he liked me a hell of a lot more than i liked him so i decided never to trust my own judgement again

I'm with the others, gets lots of stares but few come over until they are pissed and then they are really wasting their time. I suppose it is unfair of me to assume that men can handle rejection better than women but i suppose thats what i grew up with, men ask women if they like you enough or wnat to enough. Although i am old school now :rolleyes:

GAA widow

Trinity1 wrote:

men ask women if they like you enough or wnat to enough.

That's it in a nutshell really!

Trinity

GAA widow wrote:

That's it in a nutshell really!

Yeah and if they *want* too also

note to self - spellcheck.

Pigman II

wyndham wrote:

shyness is nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0IYW63CEpM

I love when something interesting pops up in between all this 'blah blah blah.'

Susannahmia

I'm too shy to ask a guy out so I'm kinda glad i'm not really expected too!! Lazyness tbh

DirkVoodoo

Well, id be in the 'dont like rejection, so dont randomly ask many girls out' camp, its a lonely place to be. I think the important thing to know is that rejection is rarely anything personal, cud be she has a boyfriend/too busy, etc. and just not looking for a relationship.

Black Swan

It's a culture thing to a large degree. Since overseas I've found that the States is not uniform either. In some parts, like So Cal girls are allowed to be more forward, where in the farming mid-west, they are not. Guys in So Cal like it when a girl approaches them, whereas, guys from the farming mid-west might think that the girl is easy or loose (and they can get a bad rep for appearing that way).

Kastro

to be honest im just sick of women... i have bin with nothing but phycos and ive taken a step back to re-evaluate myself and wake up..
but it would be odd and interesting having the girl make the first move.. nothing 2 strong tho.. its happened once or twice and it was a no no

nasher

I dont think i would ask a guy out unless i knew he was too shy and i knew he liked me .A few of my girl mates have in recent months all ending in failure.Me ,i couldnt take the rejection .There is no point in chasing a guy, he is either interested or not if he really liked ya in my opinion he should go after the girl its all part of the fun!

Tar.Aldarion

Kastro wrote:

to be honest im just sick of women... i have bin with nothing but phycos and ive taken a step back to re-evaluate myself and wake up..

We all feel like that at some points man.

Anyway girls asking out, it rarely happens, but it has a few times to me and I loved it.
I am more of a let somebody come over to me kind of person.
I wish more would do it and I find it funny that when taken girls seem to flock about you, whereas when single, that never happens. Maybe I'm an exception or something, I just always find that.

punky

Fair play to girls who ask lads out. No reason why they shouldn't. I never felt it was weird.

WunderFull

I don't chat up. I flirt, but not obviously - rather I horse around and I generally get a good idea from that. Secondly, I would rather a guy who relaxed and enjoyed my company rather thatn looking for an ego massage.

EOA_Mushy

Every one ask every one out.

Whether its on physical attraction or other wise. You will only find out the other detail after. THEN you can make another decision.