Love & Lust

Beetlebum

Hey everybody

Some of you may have read a thread of mine back in June. The jist of it was that myself and my boyfriend of four years had split up and he got with another girl straight away, by straight away I mean the very next night. Anyway, I had no contact with him for about a month but then he got in touch with me and we met up for a drink. I didn't see the point in staying angry at him as I was only damaging myself and slowing down my healing process.

He said he'd stopped seeing yer wan and was sorry that he'd rushed into it so quickly. We had been fighting alot in the months prior to the break up and he said he'd been really unhappy. He told me he still loved me and hoped one day things could work out between us. I told him I'd like to try and be friends but that I needed more time to get over it all.

We've emailed each other once or twice since but haven't met up. He rang me the other night and told me he's fallen in love with another girl. I acted really calm even though it was killing me to hear those words and just said 'We'll I'm glad you've found happiness' then I swiftly got of the phone.

I would rather he told me he'd had a threesome and ten orgys than tell me that!! I know that might sound crazy but at least that's just sex. For him to say he's fallen madly in love again pains me deeply.

My question is, do you think it's possibly to fall in love again so quickly? It's only been two and a half months since our split. I've scored alot within that time but haven't felt anything remotely like love.

Even just some advice on how to deal with this would help...

Thanks fellow boardsters...

metrovelvet

In love there are no rules you know.

He sounds like someone who doesnt know his own mind. He'll be back. But before he is, you should figure out how you feel. Do you want this guy? Do you love this guy? Can you trust someone who is such a yo yo?

smk135

1. no dont think it is possible to fall in love that quickly. well actually thats a lie, i do BUT i dont think he can know for sure that he has fallen in love with her that fast. if you know what i mean? i think he is all over the place and is very easily led along with his emotions. judging on what you said he cant be with this otehr girl longe rthen a month...come on! love already? afetr a four year relationship?he'd only be able to tell that as time goes on.

2. advice on what to do...forget the fool as much as possibel and continue pretty much as you are doing, i.e. dont get angry or vengeful or any of that crap that us women tend to get a lot of the time. you seem to be on the right track with that anyway.

best of luck with it all anyway!;)

Kell

Beetlebum wrote:

My question is, do you think it's possibly to fall in love again so quickly?

It should be largely irrelevant to your thinking. You two are no longer an item. To think about his life and his relationships is to willingly stick forks in your eyes. Now you wouldnt take a fork from a drawer and stab yourself would you? So why do it emotionally??

Beetlebum wrote:

It's only been two and a half months since our split.

And your thoughts about him seem to suggest that you still have feelings for him. Rather than getting under someone as a way of getting over things, try not doing anything at all thats either a pro-active/reactionary approach to deal with the split. Also, a discontinuation of all contact until nothing he says, does or you hear about him upsets you.

Beetlebum wrote:

I've scored alot within that time

Doing anything Friday?

K-

Beruthiel

Beetlebum wrote:

My question is, do you think it's possibly to fall in love again so quickly?

You wouldn't be asking that question unless it bothered you.
And the reason it bothers you.....?
You still have feelings for him.
Forget about the above question and cut out all contact with him for at least 6 months. By that time, you shouldn't care about who he's seeing or what he's doing.

/edit
basically the exact same thing kell said

spoofilyj

Hey
I was in a similar situation a while back.
Long story shory my ex got with her current boy friend straight after if not while we were going out.
I really really hurts, theres no doubt about that, but what I found was that if you keep busy and emerce you self in other things soch as hobbies, friends, even work the healing process will begin all by its self.
When it happened to me I took it hard and was a mess for ages.
Then I re-bounded onto a physco and after that gave up on girls for a while to sort my head out.
Out of the blue I met a smart funny beautiful girl and two years we are still going out and I'm very much in love.
Anyway sorry I sort of went on a ramble there.
Give your self time and space. The best way to do this is to eliminate all contact with your ex and get on with your life.
Best of Luck hope this helps,

Static M.e.

I think it depends on your age and how you define love.

Some people fall very quickly while others it takes a long time.

Even just some advice on how to deal with this would help...

I would think about backing away from this guy till your sure your over it. Its a killer knowing your ex is happy again while your still in dregs (You want them to be happy but I suppose you just dont want to know about it untill your happy). A clean cut I find always helps till you have found your feet.

I've scored alot within that time but haven't felt anything remotely like love.

You sound like your looking to instantly find what you have lost. Relax and take your time

LegacyUser

Hi Beetlebum

I can really relate to what you're saying. I recently split with someone after 7 years, and he's been spending a lot of time with someone else. He says he's not 'romantically' involved with her although he does have feelings whatever that's supposed to mean. Whether they're a proper couple or not, he's introduced her to some of our mutual friends already and I've started to get friends 'checking up' on me to make sure I'm not too upset over it (I'm starting to feel like Jennifer 'Don't Pity Me' Aniston must have done when Brad fecked off with Angelina!)

I just can't get my head around the fact he could move on so quickly, when the last thing in the world I could think about right now is being with someone else. The best way I can see to cope with it is to distance myself as much as possible and ask him not to be in touch for a while. I don't know if it's possible for someone to fall in love again so quickly (because I'm the cynical type and a little voice is screaming 'rebound' in the back of my head!)but I guess it's different for everyone.

My advice to you would be give yourself a bit of distance from your ex and don't rush into anything else because you feel you have to. Just look out for yourself.

Best of luck.

secret_squirrel

Kell wrote:

Now you wouldnt take a fork from a drawer and stab yourself would you? So why do it emotionally??

QFT - nothing more needs saying really.

WellyJ

He could be just lying about his feelings for the new girl to make you feel bad and also make himslef feel better about your breakup.

Just note it as a possibilty!

Black Swan

Everybody is different. 2 or so months is not a long time to recover. Caution. Look out for the rebound! Sometimes we get lonely and rush into a relationship that has no future. Take it easy, chill out, and good luck.

Beetlebum

Kell - great advice, the old fork in the eye!! You made me smile: )

Thanks for all your replies...

I guess I do still have feelings for him but mostly just physical attraction. When I'm out at the weekend I don't think about him at all or if I'm just sitting in with friends. Once I'm distracted, I'm fine but when I'm on my own it's like a battlefield in my head and there are no winners.

Kell

Beetlebum wrote:

but when I'm on my own it's like a battlefield in my head and there are no winners.

Hmmn- end of a bottle of whiskey nights eh?

Seriously though, its only been two months so dont be so hard on yourself. A great friend of mine says "I'll do better when I know better". You're just learning is all.

K-

paj0

In the immortal words of SEAL:

"It's the loneliness that's the killer!!!"

It will just take you some time. I broke up with my ex girlfriend over 3 years ago and haven't been with anyone since. It just seems so hard now to go out and meet someone else after being with her for 2 years. Sometimes it really annoys me that I'm not with anyone and then other times I couldn't care less but don't worry time heals all wounds so they say

Anyway I wish you the best of luck!!!

Beruthiel

paj
please don't drag up old threads.
B