Should I chase her some more?

Dammer

Been a member for a while but never posted anything. Maybe you guys can help out. Its not a serious problem but been on my mind. Sorry if it’s a bit long but it’s the guts of what happened.

Anyway met a really attractive girl last Friday night at a company do. She had a great sense of humour and is intelligent too. Lets just call her Cutie. She is a friend of a girl that works in my company and got invited along by her. I do not really know the girl that works in my job too well. So can’t really ask her.

Basically myself and Cutie got on really well and had some laughs. At one stage she said that I had a witty charm about me. Anyway we talked for most of the night, danced a bit on the dancefloor which turned raunchy, but no kissing.
She would always come back to me whenever she went off to do girlie things, talk to her friend powder her nose etc. So I laid on the compliments and she smiled. There was no real opportunity to kiss her or try to.

After about 4 hours of talking to her I asked her for her number. She initially said that she had met someone last week. So I asked had she been out on a date with him. She said No but had been in contact. I then asked her if she would like to do something with me on Sunday. She never really gave an answer. But I got her mobile number and I gave her mine. I felt that if I could just get her on a date with me that she would want to see me again.

At the end of the night the 2 of us walked a bit ahead of her friend and talked for an hour. The 4 of us shared a Taxi home (me and Cutie in the back, her friend and guy she hooked up with) So in the Taxi we sat beside each other and I held her hand. She put her head on my shoulder just the usual touchy stuff. I was first out so we hugged and I kissed her on the cheek. I told her I would txt her around lunchtime.

Lunchtime Saturday.
Basically said it was nice meeting her and would it be ok to call her on Sunday. The real txt had some small talk but that’s what it meant

A few hours later. She replied back saying it was nice to meet me too and that I seem really nice and genuine. Then mentioned the guy she met last week and it would not be fair on him and she did not want to string me along

So I replied “No worries, and thanks for being honest. Sure you have my mobile number if you change your mind. Have a good weekend and take care”

She replied back saying Thanks for being nice about it to have a good weekend. You take care too.


So my dilemma is this. What should I do now?

Should I chase her some more by sending a funny txt, something along the lines “So have you changed your mind yet ”

Or just forget about her and move on.

My feeling is not to contact her again, but a lot of the time I get the idea of sending a txt to Cutie and say to myself. Sure why not! What have I got to lose?

Anyway your comments would be helpful.
Thanks gang.

The Bollox

txt her next weekend, or on the run up, and ask her if she wants to go for a drink.

Lorax

She made it clear shes not interested, leave her alone plenty of girls out there.

Ruu_Old

You are being a gentleman about things, leave it be and let her do her own thing. She has your number, so I wouldn't go pushing things.

WellyJ

No brainer,

Leave things as they are.

There's more chance of something happening in the long run if you let things alone at this stage.

She knows how to contact you when things go bad with the other guy

Trinity

I actually think you have a better chance if you dont contact her.

dont want to build up your hopes but sometimes girls actually dont like being chased and if she thinks you have forgotten about her, she'll most likely text you.

Just get on with things. sometimes its off putting if guys dont get the message.

YOu might hear from her in a week once you dont contact her.

nedward

Aye, leave her be. But keep a weather eye on her through friends.

LegacyUser

Same thing happened to me with a girl i met one night....we got on great had a really good time. But next day I got the vibe from her that she just kindda wanted to be friends. So i left things...didnt text her or call her..but to cut a long story short we ended up getting married and have our first baby on the way. I think women sometimes prefer having a friend and getting to know a person before getting involved straight away...if you know what I mean. So if you leave things be maybe you will develop a frienship with this girl over time.

Dammer

Hi All Thanks for the replies.

It makes sense not to contact her again. So I will not get back in touch.

But I was always the type to try and make things happen, rather then wait for things to happen. Having zero patience does not help me either

Maybe there will be more to this thread in a week or two...

Thanks gang...

Mojito

Same thing happened to me. I was so tempted to ring her but didn't and after a couple of weeks she was just a nice memory, then out of the blue about a month later she emailed me to ask if I wanted to meet up.

That was 6 months ago and we're still together now so I think you're doing the right thing. If its ment to be it will be. I'll keep me fingers crossed for ye.

Good luck!

WellyJ

It's a simple fact that showing a lack of interest in a woman will usually make her want to get to know you more.

Desperation and neediness are a huge turn off, HUGE.

Probably the biggest actually.

I have a good feeling she will get in touch with you mate.

Dammer

Hi WellyJ,

Thanks for the support. I won't be holding my breath though. It would be great to hear from her though.

I am kinda curious as to why she is loyal to a guy she only met 2 weekends ago. ...
Maybe she was not attracted to me... Nah that can't be it

RoadSweeper

Dammer wrote:

Should I chase her some more by sending a funny txt, something along the lines “So have you changed your mind yet ”

Dont think she would think it funny!

You have a better chance not contating her! You gave her the impression that your a decent stand up guy, it can be seen as positive work on your part

AngryBadger

I'd be inclined to leave it. You've made all the right moves, and been an absolute gent about it. If she decides she wants to see you great, if not, ah well, c'est la vie. But you've done everything right in my book. The ball's in her court now.

takola

I think you'd be better not to text. She'll text you if she's interested but if you start texting her now it's really not going to look good! She'll think you're the clingy type and that's rarely something girls find attractive!

Leave it be and see if she texts! Keep looking in the meantime

Black Swan

It's not like she had a long term relationship with the other guy. You don't know someone after only a week. And she showed an interest in our gentleman OP, suggesting that a commitment to the other guy had not been established yet. She's still in play, and the other guy may fumble.

OK, I will buy giving her a little personal space, as suggested by most of the posters. But how long should our gentleman OP wait? Forever? And if so, just let her go?

Seems that they got on pretty grand from his comments? After a couple of weeks of space (or how long, other posters?), maybe arrange to be someplace to "accidently" run into her? Another company function? Or tag along with the girl the OP knows from his company to something the other girl would be part of? He could remain the gentleman, but one interested in this girl?

Zombrex

Dammer wrote:

So my dilemma is this. What should I do now?

As WellyJ said, no brainer. You do nothing.

Calk it up to a good night out, but other than that she has made it perfectly clear that her mind is on the other guy she just met.

The classy thing to do is to leave it. If you start texting her again you are only going to a) annoy her b) make her give a stronger PFO c) freak her out.

Redlancer

I would say dont go chasing, she has your number and vice versa so maybe further down the line things may work out. Just not at the moment, stay in touch from time to time but dont wait or expect it to happen.

Stick the line back out in the sea and who knows you may soon forget about her

LegacyUser

she no intresto. well at least now anyway. don't text her somthing stupid like, "have you changed your mind yet"

leave it.

dublin's a small enough place, chances are you'll bump into each other again.

texting now will screw future you's chances, if you get my drift.

Dammer

Thanks everyone for your advice.

As a result I have come up with a plan of action. In 5 easy steps

1. Do not contact her in any way.
2. Plenty of girls in Dublin get another one
3. Review situation in 3-4 weeks time.
4. Delete her number so no late night drunken txts/calls. Don't want to annoy her
5. Live happily ever after.

I also just found out that one of the guys in my workplace sometimes goes out for a few drinks with Cuties friend here. So maybe I can engineer some sort of joint meet up or session.

But I will not push it as she seems interested in the guy she met the weekend before me..... I'm not going to chase her, more so to keep some dignity.

Initially I thought she was nice and I did like her and thought there was chemistry developing between us. I also wanted to see if you boardsies were in a similar situation or could offer crediable advice, which you have I never like leaving things in the "Lap of the Gods" or to chance, but I guess in this instance I'll have too... C'est la Vie

Kell

Dammer wrote:

She replied back saying Thanks for being nice about it to have a good weekend. You take care too.

So my dilemma is this. What should I do now?.

You fell squarely into the friend zone. Get over it is what you should do. She see's you as the "nice guy" who she can talk to.

PS- she is taking up far too much of your time if you only met her last Friday. Try Kell's three point plan-

1) Send text day after inviting further contact
2) If they dont reply, send second about two days later
3) If no reply, move on.

K-

OrangeOranges

Maybe she was not attracted to me... Nah that can't be it

Jaysis dude if you give that sort of a vibe its a distinct possibility!

Preclaimer: Hope this doesnt come accross as too harsh & men are the same.


In my experience women will lie lie lie lie!!!!

There's no way she is loyal to a dude from a couple of weeks ago.
Either she has a BF or in something thats more than a 2 week affair.

Therefore she was out. Probably thought you were a good looking or friendly guy. So proceeded to extract every compliment (and drink) from you possible. Spent the whole night flirting and getting close and comfortable (leading you on)
and then slipped away home completely confident that she didnt "cheat"!!!

Gotta be able to spot these chicks good and early if you ask me!! Will only end up burning the ear off ya about their unhappy relationship,, commitment problems, or personal issues while saying "yes its a 'double' honey" every half hour or so!!!!

froggie_1

im DEFINITELY no expert, but in my (limited) experience I've noticed that girls find it infuriating if they think that someone that has being persuing them has suddenly stopped, or given the impression that they have lost interest or have given up the chase. it drives them mad... It's happened to me in the most unlikely situations - like when I thought it's completely hopeless and I'd exhaused all my wit n charm (doesnt take long) ... just a few days or even a few wks with no contact - you get a text wondering how u are or if you want to meet up. It's like they love the attention. Someone up thread said you fell into the friend zone, I wouldnt totally agree.... I think you played a blinder so just leave it.... I think she'l text, but if she doesnt dont sweat it in the slightest, your safe in the knowledge you didnt put a foot wrong.... Maybe that just a generalisation or total rubbish but anyway... G'Luck!

Little-Devil

Dammer wrote:

Anyway met a really attractive girl last Friday night at a company do. She had a great sense of humour and is intelligent too. Lets just call her Cutie. She is a friend of a girl that works in my company and got invited along by .

Why not go and talk to her friend and tell her how you feel and see what she says about it. She may go back to her friend and tell her you were asking questions about her and wait and see if the friend from work comes back with anything.

I dont think you should push her to much as you dont really know whats going on with the other bloke and you dont want to fall flat on your face, look a fool and be heart-broekn in the end.

DiscoHugh

Dammer wrote:

4. Delete her number so no late night drunken txts/calls. Don't want to annoy her

agreed with what everyone else was saying about leaving it (we've all been there) ^^ and written above was all i was going to add

kudos to you for thinking of it yourself!

basically the ball is entirely in her court now. go out. get drunk. meet other girls etc.

you're playing this well. keep it up

Sleepy

Personally I'd go with the "so, sick of the other guy yet?" cheeky text option...

greenteaicedtea

Kell wrote:

You fell squarely into the friend zone. Get over it is what you should do. She see's you as the "nice guy" who she can talk to.

Not necessarily! The other fellow has a 2 week advantage on getting to know her better... it's not much, but why would a girl stop dating a guy she sort of likes for a fellow who might not pan out? One thing at a time! At least she's not stringing him along, and he might be the backup plan if the first guy doesn't work out.

She replied back saying Thanks for being nice about it

That's a good sign!!!! If the first guy turns out to be a psycho, she doesn't think the OP is, and he might still have a chance. I don't mean wait by the phone, I mean stay positive.

Dub_Ster

Kell wrote:

You fell squarely into the friend zone.

K-

not true
that's compleltely different , and if ya wanna no what the friend zone is come talk to me :Dlol ive been there done that got 4 different tshirts 2 are still friend one is in a different world ... and i dont no what the stroy with the other one is ......

he met her one night they danced talkled etc but , she gave him her number whicxh is really essy to get but , they havent really had the hole text thing they havent none each other long enough :rolleyes: .

the only thing is if she does text you i would recomend ringing her not text back leave it about 3 hours then ring er briefly and say hi ya how ya doing blah balh balh
ask her if she wants to meet up some where and take it from there ....

yoda01

Out of all of the attractive women YOU know...
How many of them have dated a "jerk"?

For me, the answer is ALL OF THEM.

Many women SAY they want a "nice" guy... but if you ask her how long she dated the last nice guy she met, she'll usually say "3 or 4 dates..."

But ask how her how long she dated the last "jerk", and she'll often say YEARS... or... "I'm still dating him now!"

Something about these guys leads women to do CRAZY things. I've seen women leave family, friends and careers behind to follow a "jerk"
across the country... shutting out EVERYONE who tells her to move on... EVEN HER CLOSEST FRIENDS.

It's no secret - Jerks are like junk food to women... with "nice" guys being more like health food...

Women TRY to eat healthy... they WANT to eat healthy... but when they go to the store they end up leaving with the JUNK.

So what is it about these guys that makes women so CRAZY for them?

Firetrap

I've a friend who always has guys after her. Trouble is, she doesn't know what she wants really and ends up driving them nuts because one minute she's mad about them, next thing she's playing hard to get. If you don't get any clearcut signals from Cutie, leave it be. She'll fry your brain

MojoMaker

yoda01 wrote:

Out of all of the attractive women YOU know...
How many of them have dated a "jerk"?

For me, the answer is ALL OF THEM.

Many women SAY they want a "nice" guy... but if you ask her how long she dated the last nice guy she met, she'll usually say "3 or 4 dates..."

But ask how her how long she dated the last "jerk", and she'll often say YEARS... or... "I'm still dating him now!"

Something about these guys leads women to do CRAZY things. I've seen women leave family, friends and careers behind to follow a "jerk"
across the country... shutting out EVERYONE who tells her to move on... EVEN HER CLOSEST FRIENDS.

It's no secret - Jerks are like junk food to women... with "nice" guys being more like health food...

Women TRY to eat healthy... they WANT to eat healthy... but when they go to the store they end up leaving with the JUNK.

So what is it about these guys that makes women so CRAZY for them?

Where did you cut & paste this from?

YeAh!

Seems to have got it from here

Dub_Ster

yoda01 wrote:

Out of all of the attractive women YOU know...
How many of them have dated a "jerk"?

For me, the answer is ALL OF THEM.

Many women SAY they want a "nice" guy... but if you ask her how long she dated the last nice guy she met, she'll usually say "3 or 4 dates..."

But ask how her how long she dated the last "jerk", and she'll often say YEARS... or... "I'm still dating him now!"

Something about these guys leads women to do CRAZY things. I've seen women leave family, friends and careers behind to follow a "jerk"
across the country... shutting out EVERYONE who tells her to move on... EVEN HER CLOSEST FRIENDS.

It's no secret - Jerks are like junk food to women... with "nice" guys being more like health food...

Women TRY to eat healthy... they WANT to eat healthy... but when they go to the store they end up leaving with the JUNK.

So what is it about these guys that makes women so CRAZY for them?

Controll.

you dont have to act like a jerk just kinda like a sensitive jerk ....

but no i think the really reson why they do this is , that they need to controll him yet they dont and as us male's have found women are stubern (, such a turn on tho , shows passion , )but they wont attmet there wrong even when they are wrong , so there to proud to attemet it hence the hole satying with them ......

metrovelvet

yoda01 wrote:

Women TRY to eat healthy... they WANT to eat healthy... but when they go to the store they end up leaving with the JUNK.

So what is it about these guys that makes women so CRAZY for them?

They taste better?

I have two theories:

1. Its simple, its the same for men. Danger is fun.

2.People seek power when they dont think they will find love.

quiglet

you've been a real gent if things fall thru with the other guy she'll remember you were sound and u left it open so leave it as it is!

greenteaicedtea

I used to date jerks, when I was younger and didn't know any better.

Now that I'm older, and have gotten burned a couple times (okay, several) I have zero tolerance for jerky behavior. I don't think "I can change him" etc etc. I just don't date jerks. Jerky behavior is not exciting, because sooner or later, a jerk will... act like a jerk, embarassing you in front of someone, telling you how to dress, belittling you, etc. I see jerk behavior as a precursor to abuse, frankly. I know, I know, I'm getting all militant feminist on you here, but I've dated enough dorks to just want a nice fellow instead, that's all.