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LegacyUser

long story made short.

Partner left a few weeks back, we have a 19 mth old son.

Since he left, I have told him he can see our child every wednesday and every second weekend. The weekend being Saturday day, Saturday night and Sunday till 7pm.

Saw as solicitor at his insistence and solicitor came up with a new proposal due to the fact my son is not comfortable in his fathers home place (where he stayed on his night away). He is quiet and not himself. Basically due to the fact my partner never made any effort to ensure his parents saw a lot of our son.

New proposal gives father every wednesday then sat of one week and the sun of the week after. There are no overnight stays but it allows my ex to see our son every weekend, to me this is better.

My ex has decided against both of these suggestions and has decided to go to court. He wants every wednesday and every second weekend but to him thats Friday Sat and Sun.

We are not married, we both work five days a week. I am gone from home from 7.20am until 6pm. I then have to come home cook dinner and tidy up from the morning which means its at least 7.30 before I do finish everything which is our sons bedtime.

I have absolutely no quality time with my child Mon to Fri and I love being with him at the weekends, taking him out and basically just enjoying him for what he is a funny amusing loving little person.

If my ex gets the access he is looking for that means for a solid fortnight I have no real time with my child.

I am heartbroken at the thoughts of this, I cannot cope with not seeing him for three full days every two weeks.

I totally agree that my son should see his father, although whats making me bitter is when I found out I was pregnant he told me to get rid of it and left. He t hen came back and spent another month trying to convince me to have an abortion.

Granted once our son was born he loved him very much.

How do you deal with seeing your child leave for days on end when you have done nothing to deserve it, he was the one decided he wasnt cut out for a relationship.

Would a judge really take a child from its mother for that lenght of time? Am I being selfish, so many thoughts going through my head.

i want whats best for my son first and foremost

Beruthiel

hadenough wrote:

Would a judge really take a child from its mother for that lenght of time? Am I being selfish, so many thoughts going through my head.

i want whats best for my son first and foremost

Good for you.
Why not suggest another option, every second weekend with father and if he wants some time during the week too then you both get to see the child evenly. You are not being selfish, it's always a terrible rush during the week trying to get eveything done.

Strokesfan

Is the dad doing this because he really values time with your son or because it's meant to get at you partly? I hate dads like this, there's no need for them to bring in solicitors etc. I think he should just take what he gets and be grateful you want to include him in your son's life.
I don't think personally he would be granted what he's asking but if I were you I'd invest in a serious solicitor of my own (I'd get a loan even) to guarantee you've someone working hard for your corner.

LegacyUser

I think partly he just wants to hurt me. He has told so many people that I wont allow him see his son which is totally untrue.

I wouldnt allow him to come see him the days I had something planned plus they werent the days we had arranged for him to see our son.

Beruthiel I did offer him every second weekend and midweek and that included an overnight stay, the Saturday night but he doesnt want that.

He wants fri sat and Sun. Its too long, I go from one week of work straight into another with no time with my child.

I am trying to seperate what I need from this situation and think of whats best for the baby but in my heart of hearts I know that being in a strange house is not going to benefit him.

There are no stair gates and two flights of stairs. He doesnt have a cot he has to sleep in a double bed with his father, he is not used to that and I know if he sees a door open he is gone.

He does not know his nan or grandad who live in this house.

I cant help feel that he will be confused, he is so happy at home and is a total different child when he is in his fathers home place

brown*eyed*girl

That's terrible girl I know what its like to work and miss out on quality time. I doubt if the judge will give that access to your son's Dad. You should get your solicitor to state exactly what you fear as its very reasonable that you don't want such limited time with your son. Another suggestion is perhaps you could go part-time for a while. I know this will mean a drop in income but you are entitled to to FIS and the maintenace you receive may mean you won't be down so much in €'s. Check out www.welfare.ie to see what you could be entitled to. This could give you more time with your son until he perhaps starts playschool. Talk to your boss and weigh up the pros and cons of reducing working hours temperarily. I'm currently on 4 days a week and off every fri, sat and sun which is brilliant. Granted I'm down a few €'s but with a bit of budgeting I'm not doing too bad and you'd be amazed how one extra day a week being off can help you spend quality time with your child.

Nevyn

haden0ugh it is a hard place to be in, I would suggest that you put your worries about the suitiblity of the enviroment the child will be in and that is is not currently set up to facilate for a small child in writing for the judge.

The adjustment time will be hard on you both, I would also suggest writing down the childs routine so that the Dad knows what it is and maybe if the other parent was to follow it the child may not be as put out.

Beruthiel

haden0ugh wrote:

Beruthiel I did offer him every second weekend and midweek and that included an overnight stay, the Saturday night but he doesnt want that.

Then I think any judge worth their salt will see you have gone out of your way to accomodate. A judge will decide what is best for the child, you are trying to do this, your ex is not. This is a shame as your childs comfort and happiness comes first above all else.
As Thaed said, write down what must be done each day to keep a smooth running of the house. Show that the only quality time you have is at the weekend and the week is filled with work. You should be grand. Your ex should be happy with every second weekend and time during the week. Consistancy is what is needed and if he truly had his childs interests at heart he would do anything to see this happens.

Trinity

Hey

I really feel for you,its a terrible situation to be in.

I cannot give advice regarding the law but as others have suggested put it all down in writing. i dont think he will be given that much access in my heart as it just doesnt seem right somehow.

judges will listen to facts quicker than arguements. I know its hard but unfortunately he will get some access and your baby will have to get used to staying over.

two nights in a row is a bit much but babies adjust quickly enough. my nephew was the same at first in his fathers parents house now he struts round like he owns the place and its actually the grandparents that take him not the father - and they didnt see him til he was over a year due to family disagreeements.

make sure you put down in writing that you want the house baby proofed too.

when my sons father first took him overnight i didnt sleep and i cried. i imagined that hes take his eye off him and he would fall out the apartment window - that he would forget to lock the door - everything you can imagine LOL

my ex got annoyed at me when i said it to him and said 'i love him, hes my son, do you honestly think i would ever let anything happen to him'.

have to say when i thought about it i knew he was right and that helped me relax.

I hope everything works out ok for you.