20 Reasons That Rugby is Better Than Soccer

cruiserweight

From the indo during the week

THREE days and counting. The oval ball season is about to rumble into gear on this side of the world with the Magners League kicking off on Friday.

Those of you who still enjoy a relaxing pint, in this era of McDowellian incursion upon the remaining private vices, may know the satisfying experience derived from a pint bottle of Magners - or Clonmel Chablis as we know it - you get more than a pint.

Or so it seems. Of course, it's the blocks of ice which create this particular alcoholic delusion.

And, with the season stretching interminably towards next year's World Cup, only time will tell whether it will produce a fine body of work like a well-aged Merlot or stink like a glass of stale Harp.

However, despite the long slog ahead, based on the events of last season there is much to anticipate.

Munster, gloriously determined Heineken Cup champions; Ulster, tireless Celtic League winners; Leinster, promising and thrilling; Ireland, frustrating, fantastic, formidable and fragile - sometimes in the same match. So many personalities to thrill at, argue about, argue with, talk to (not talk to), harangue, applaud. But always, always admire.

So, after watching Spurs concede their European hopes already and Pats needing a good Cup run to keep their season alive, this rugby season can't come quick enough for this sports fan. And, imbued with this spirit of excitement, here are the 20 reasons why I now prefer rugby to soccer:

1.
Having avoided organised sports for a year due to chronic obesity, I now realise rugby was a far more inclusive team game than soccer and I want to play again. Instead of being isolated for hours on the wing with nobody passing the ball to you, at least rugby allows gangs of players to jump on top of you. You really feel like you belong.

2.
Everyone knows what FAI head honcho John Delaney looks like, nobody knows what his IRFU counterpart looks like. In fact, not many know who his counterpart is. A much better thing.

3.
Hundreds of Munster fans can play (dis)organised rugby in Cardiff's Mary St, crashing into walls and parked cars, in front of bemused bobbies and it's all good-natured fun. A few loons from Bohs and Rovers meet and there's carnage.

4.
Spending 10 seconds chatting to Malcolm O'Kelly about Beck is more fulfilling than hours spent talking to Kenny Cunningham about, er, I can't really remember. Except hearing "To be honest with you, pal" 4,562 times.

5.
Drinking, eating and bringing young children is more acceptable at rugby matches in these isles. Soccer matches are either naked warfare (Premiership) or else privately embarrassing, cult experiences (Eircom League).

6.
Dealing with rugby agents is not always an experience redolent of dealing with personal injury lawyers. Sure, they're usually in it for the money but they're predominantly engaging, principled gents. Shaking hands with a soccer agent requires you to to make a quick tally of your digits.

7.
Nobody in Irish international rugby has a commercial interest in any of its current players. Full stop.

8.
Irish rugby coach Eddie O'Sullivan says quirky things like "ducks in-a-row", "in the hopper" and "full bag of chips". Brian O'Driscoll says things like "B of the bang". Soccer's Steve Staunton says "whatever" a lot while his striker Robbie Keane says "obviously" all the time.

9.
RTE rugby commentator Michael Corcoran makes you want to leap off your chair and scream. So does Gabriel Egan.

10.
Nobody knows if, how or why there will be relegation or promotion in the eircom League. Not a problem for the AIB League, where solicitors, spin doctors and alickadoos ensure the concept of relegation and promotion is upheld, no matter how much money it costs or how long it takes.

11.
Irish international rugby has a wonderful system predicated upon keeping most of their best players under the protective eyes of management and club appearances are controlled. In soccer, Irish managers are told to keep their noses out by club managers when deigning to ask permission to access players. Even when they do eventually get here, the players end up going on the jar before the match anyway.

12.
International friendlies in rugby? Doesn't happen friend. International soccer friendlies? Managers, fans and players all hate 'em.

13.
Brian and Glenda (pre-split) versus Robbie and Claudette? Different class. Beats Posh and Becks too.

14.
Rugby possesses enough gravitas to acknowledge that, like the odd belt in GAA, an idle punch need not assault the senses of either participants or spectators. Soccer's sickening ambiguity after Ben Thatcher's assault reveals an incurable cancer.

15.
Sky have Stuart Barnes and Will Greenwood. Sky have Andy Gray and Jamie Redknapp. Take your pick.

16.
At Lansdowne Road, the inestimably refined PA man at rugby matches adds a touch of class, never intrudes on the action and reminds one of innocent amateur days of yore. At soccer matches, the PA man is like a Hawaiian T-Shirt-wearing motormouth DJ at a 21st birthday in Break for the Border armed only with the Best of the Furey's and Black Lace's Greatest Hits. "Let's parteee!"

17.
Munster, who, unlike the pre-Celtic Tiger dating hype surrounding the Irish soccer 'army', have the best fans in the world, defeated the formidable All Blacks at Thomond Park in 1978. No Irish soccer team has ever beaten New Zealand.

18.
Rugby players aren't recidivist cheats and don't swear at the referee. Soccer players dive, feign injury, abuse the men in black and try to get opponents sent off.

19.
Rugby is an all-island sport. Soccer remains tainted by partition, sectarianism and division.

20.
Rugby's Heineken Cup and Six Nations schedule produces consistent, overseas treats from romantic Paris to eternal Rome, sprawling Australia to giddy Argentina, vibrant San Sebastian to comely Edinburgh.

Soccer brings you lots of nice places too. Kazakhstan. Blackburn. Japan. Turkey. Yeugh!

foz_e_bear

Well said, very well said.

Just one to ad:
Although us Leinster fans slag off our munster counterparts and vice-versa...I cheared on Munster in their heroic Final win, and I was in a bar chearing on Leinster in that classic Toulouse match with loads Munster fans, who were chearing just as loud...would you get that kind of thing in soccor...NAY!

irish_bob

Well said, very well said.

Just one to ad:
Although us Leinster fans slag off our munster counterparts and vice-versa...I cheared on Munster in their heroic Final win, and I was in a bar chearing on Leinster in that classic Toulouse match with loads Munster fans, who were chearing just as loud...would you get that kind of thing in soccor...

of course you a leinster fan was cheering on munster
as declan lynch wrote in the sunday indo some time ago when talking rugger
when you have a soccer match , both teams fans have to be kept appart by a barb wire fence and armed guards , on top of that , each set of fans goes to thier own pub afterwards, this adds to the sense of rivalry
with rugby , its different , you have a munster solicitor standing beside a leinster solicitor , both behaving splendidly , united against the COMMON good

Enright

hear hear

Was at the leinster v munster match yesterday, the jibes between the fans was fantastic, the slaggs went over and back

14 men, 14 men -leinster fans
16 men, 16 men -leinster fans

14 girls, 14 girls -munster fans


comtaponni, comtaponni, comtaponni, comtaponni, -leinster fans
championni, championni, championni, championni, -munster fans

there was a small but very vocal group of leinster fans at the match. well done, your high spirits and singing added to the occasion.

cgarvey

Was on the NT with the Leinster fans, and bar one poor chant they were brilliant.

I had one of those "moments"... I was shouting "winning winning Munster" to respond to their "boring boring" chant .. at the top of my voice.. it took a while (the trick is to start about a half-second before their line, each time).. a few joined in from the ET then .. "phew" .. was getting some strange looks from Leinster boys.. and was stone cold sober.

Cardiff '06 .. very low-key police presence.. no riot gear in sight. Following day's soccer match had the city cordoned off and split in 2, with 100s of riot police on the street from 9am.