Bisexuality

LegacyUser

I have a boyfriend, and we've been going out for quite a long period of time, yet I know I am constantly attracted to females in movies and on television. One of my friends is openly a lesbian, and another is bisexual, but has only told a few people, and I have found myself, on occasion, feeling attraction towards them. This could however, stem from the fact that they have told me that they are attracted to me, and I am a very insecure person who will do most anything to be told that. I'm not sure if I should write these feelings off, or discuss them and with who. I have asked my gay friend how she knew she was gay, and she told me I'd know. But I don't. Can anyone help me?

oulu

em_ wrote:

I have a boyfriend, and we've been going out for quite a long period of time, yet I know I am constantly attracted to females in movies and on television. One of my friends is openly a lesbian, and another is bisexual, but has only told a few people, and I have found myself, on occasion, feeling attraction towards them. This could however, stem from the fact that they have told me that they are attracted to me, and I am a very insecure person who will do most anything to be told that. I'm not sure if I should write these feelings off, or discuss them and with who. I have asked my gay friend how she knew she was gay, and she told me I'd know. But I don't. Can anyone help me?

Is this a physical thing ie have you ever been with a woman and if so was it good for you. If you have not been with a woman in a sexual way but think you want to then why not try it, then there is the relationship side of it would you like a woman as a partner, If in douth wheather you are bi or not then why not just try it.

abetarrush

Clearly the only thing you can do is your 2 female mates. At the same time. And maybe let yer bf watch




On a more serious note, jus try it, sure its prob one of them mad phases ye know. Wha do you think when ye see a little lash? "She looks hot" or "I wana do her"

you may jus find them good lookin


But yeah, your way better talkin, cos it'll jus wreck ur head if ye dont

Stark

I think you should just consider yourself "curious" or "open minded". It's normal for some people to fancy characters on tv/film outside of what their orientation might normally specify. As a straight poster said on this forum previously, every straight guy fancies Johnny Depp

As for your friends, well I can't tell you what your feelings are. Again, though, curiosity can be a different thing to burning attraction. I think I've thought "hmm, what if" about everyone at some point but only felt burning attraction to a few. Sure if you have the opportunity to casually experiment, you could go for it. Maybe have a game of "Spin the bottle" with your friends or whatever. Let you explore your feelings without finding yourself down a path you're uncomfortable with.

And do stick with your boyfriend if your boyfriend is the one who makes you most happy. Everyone is allowed their on-screen crush, so you don't need to feel guilty about that. You can be bisexual, but still be faithful to the one sex.

irishproduce

Stark wrote:

Maybe have a game of "Spin the bottle" with your friends or whatever.

I volunteer to attend that game of spin the bottle and I shall advise on my findings.

Only joking, before someone goes off on a rant!!

Blush_01

If you're not in an open relationship, then it might not be an issue you can fully explore physically at the moment, apart from a desire to sort your own head out.

If you're bi, as your friend said, you'll kind of know. But, from experience, if you happen to over-think things... well... then knowing and wondering if its just because of certain comments made by friends or whatever, it's harder to be definite. Fancying someone on-screen is very different from liking someone in real life. Take a look at your fantasies, for example - where do they lead you?

claire h

em_ wrote:

I know I am constantly attracted to females in movies and on television.

Do bear in mind that women onscreen are *designed* to be attractive - a lot of shows/movies are geared towards audiences with a high proportion of men, and women tend to be presented as purely visual objects much more so than men anyway. So if it's just about looking on women at the screen... that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to translate into real-life desire.

One of my friends is openly a lesbian, and another is bisexual, but has only told a few people, and I have found myself, on occasion, feeling attraction towards them. This could however, stem from the fact that they have told me that they are attracted to me, and I am a very insecure person who will do most anything to be told that.

It does sound as though this might be the case - it can be very easy to be attracted to someone who you care about and respect, like a friend, who has expressed an interest in you, and it doesn't necessarily say anything about your sexuality.

How did you realise that you were first interested in your boyfriend, or in boys before him? Did you fall for them as you got to know them, or did you like boys because you thought/knew they liked you? If you can assess how you decide you're attracted to someone, you'll have a good idea as to whether or not you're really into women, or have the potential to be, or whether it's a fantasy that you can enjoy but don't need to act upon.

Marksie

But it is one thing that you may think and feel attracted to members of the same sex, it is another to actually do something about it, especially in a closed relationship.

But i would be careful about labels like bisexual, it may be that you are curious rather than bisexual (oh, the kinsey scale !) and may want to explore a particular phase in your life... so in that case take it easy and look before you leap!
But you do tend to know if you are honest with yourself whether you are for example, capable of kissing someone of teh same sex

Nevyn

Ok so you are attracted to people that are not your bf.
It happens it does not mean you have to act on it.
It happens the the persons you are attracted to happen to be female.
Again it happens it does not mean you have to act on it.

You can be bisexual and have never kissed a person of the same gender as yourself.
It just mean that you are attracted to people of both genders.
If you are happy with your bf and in a good relationship and want to be faithful then you will be.
Being sexual means you will no matter how much you are in love with your partner find other people to be attractive.
Being in love with your partner in a closed relationship means you don't act on those attraction reguardless of the gender of the the person.

I have firneds of both genders that I am attracted too, just because I may have tought about it does not mean anything will come of it.

LegacyUser

Hi, this might help!

I have been having similar thoughts for the past year or so.

Recently the oppertunity arose to get it on with someone of my own sex.

Despite being in a serious hetro relationship i felt it was something i had to do to be sure of my own sexuality, so i gave it a go.

It only took about 2 minutes to figure that it was not for me so I called a halt to the proceedings.

While I do feel guilty about being unfaithful to my partner, at least now I know that its not something that will break us up down the line. I now know that while i might find both sexes attractive. Physically, its only the opposite sex that does it for me.

My advice: give it a go, its the only way to know!

Good luck with it!

Hmm_Messiah

A possible problem with "giving it a go" while within a relationship is that its possible you'll fell the experience unpleasant or "not for you", but may have be able to distinguish was it the experience (as in a same sex experience) or how much were you influenced by being uncomfortable "cheating" on your partner.

ignite

Stark wrote:

"Sure if you have the opportunity to casually experiment, you could go for it."

But I don't want to be taking my clothes off with a girl, and realise, whoops! It's not working for me! It might cause the girl in question emotional damage, even if only temporally. What if she's one of those insensitive blabbermouths?! I've been there before! I told my best friend when I was much younger that I was gay, and she told everyone. I endured abuse from lesser minds for years after.

I'm fully attracted sexually to guys, and have slept with
a few. I haven't slept with girls, and was once what you could call bi, I now don't have any sexual interest in girls anymore. I have the highest admiration for some women, and think that if things were a little different (if I was still sexually attracted to them), then I would happilly marry and share a life and soul with one. The admiration is still there, but the sexual interest is not. I think that makes me gay.

Shellie13

if ya love your boyfriend i wouldnt throw it away!
If not then axe the relationship and figure things out alone!
You could be bisexual yet still be inlove with somene and remain faithful to them!
Some good advice above^