Brother trouble

LegacyUser

Hey im gonna go unregistered forthis one.
Basically ive been dating this girl for 6 months really happy all going well. love her too bits !

She lives down the country but works in dublin, anyway ive been to her home only 3 or 4 times since we've been going out.
she only has one other sibling her brother who is two years younger than us he's 21.
He's very unreliable and wild. he horrible to my GF's mother and her infront of me.
Not too bad but shouts abuse wen he doesnt get his own way.
He has a habbit of stealing money from the house and they have to lock there bedroom doors wen they are going out !

I think he shuda been kicked out ages ago but anyway.
When he gets abusive wen im there i usually try to calm the situation by joking saying "now paul you shudnt be shouting at your mother and sister like that" not being serious but actually tying to get him to shut up.

The problem is i feel really awkward when he kicks off in front of me i feel like having a right go at him or telling him to shut the f**k up but that wud look really bad in front of my GF's mother and im not an aggresive person anyway.

If he ever tried to hurt her though id obviously stop him. i just feel i cant stop the verbal abuse.

I really like the family alot and the brother can be funny when in a gd mood and wud like to get to know him cos i know i want to marry this girl so its important i get along with him.

So what do i do when he kicks off and starts shouting again. Stand there and say nothing ??

Its complicated cos its her family. the father died a few years ago maybe thats why he is the way he is i dont know .

Any advice ???

Beruthiel

How does his mother react when he starts this behaviour?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

How does his mother react when he starts this behaviour?

She sumtimes shout back but doesnt really do anything.
I think my Gf gets really embarased wen im there.
but sometimes i get the impression off her that she wants me to tell him to shut up ! but i dont think its my place. it wud be different if we were going out a few years

turbot

Doee he have a father / father figure in his life?

Sometimes some focussed masculine intervention will deal with that.

A bit of fear combined with good advice should do the trick.

Behaviour like that is a call for attention.

hshortt

Ask your Girlfriend if she'd like you to have a word with him, if she says no, then leave it alone.

Cheerio
Howard

Miss Fluff

branyshanef wrote:

but sometimes i get the impression off her that she wants me to tell him to shut up ! but i dont think its my place.

No, it's not your place. I'd protest with silence. I know it's tough but try and ignore him next time he goes on a rant.

LegacyUser

The brother needs to find a gaff of his own and stand
on his own 2 feet in life. That'll learn him.

He can always make the occasional short visit to see
the mother and the sister and might even be happy to
see them.

Beruthiel

branyshanef wrote:

She sumtimes shout back but doesnt really do anything.

Well considering the fact that it's her job to do something, if she doesn't ,you should keep out of it.
He behaves this way because his mother has allowed him to.

but i dont think its my place.

You are correct, it is not your place.

LegacyUser

It's your place if your girlfriend is unhappy with the way her brother treats her and her mother.

hshortt wrote:

Ask your Girlfriend if she'd like you to have a word with him, if she says no, then leave it alone.

Cheerio
Howard

I would take that advice.

LegacyUser

branyshanef wrote:

Hey im gonna go unregistered forthis one.
Basically ive been dating this girl for 6 months really happy all going well. love her too bits !

She lives down the country but works in dublin, anyway ive been to her home only 3 or 4 times since we've been going out.
she only has one other sibling her brother who is two years younger than us he's 21.
He's very unreliable and wild. he horrible to my GF's mother and her infront of me.
Not too bad but shouts abuse wen he doesnt get his own way.
He has a habbit of stealing money from the house and they have to lock there bedroom doors wen they are going out !

I think he shuda been kicked out ages ago but anyway.
When he gets abusive wen im there i usually try to calm the situation by joking saying "now paul you shudnt be shouting at your mother and sister like that" not being serious but actually tying to get him to shut up.

The problem is i feel really awkward when he kicks off in front of me i feel like having a right go at him or telling him to shut the f**k up but that wud look really bad in front of my GF's mother and im not an aggresive person anyway.

If he ever tried to hurt her though id obviously stop him. i just feel i cant stop the verbal abuse.

I really like the family alot and the brother can be funny when in a gd mood and wud like to get to know him cos i know i want to marry this girl so its important i get along with him.

So what do i do when he kicks off and starts shouting again. Stand there and say nothing ??

Its complicated cos its her family. the father died a few years ago maybe thats why he is the way he is i dont know .

Any advice ???

Honestly take him aside and tell him the next time he starts you will deal with him in a most unpleasant way. fear is the only tonic for an ignorant little toerag like that. being nice will only encourage him. Discipline him.

Victor

Anonymoos wrote:

Honestly take him aside and tell him the next time he starts you will deal with him in a most unpleasant way. fear is the only tonic for an ignorant little toerag like that. being nice will only encourage him. Discipline him.

I think thats overstepping the line.

InFront

i wouldn't go so far as to say it's not your place. It's a genuine concern because if it embaresses your girlfriend, makes her uncomfortable or nervous around him, then saying nothing is probably going to aggrevate it, that's probably how he got this way.
Have a word with your girlfriend and encourage her to speak to her brother with you there as support. Maybe let him know you wouldn't speak to your mother or sister that way, and that being man of the house means caring for them, not bullying them. He might take it better coming from a man?
But remember you are a guest in what he sees as his house so try keep it polite:)

LegacyUser

InFront wrote:

i wouldn't go so far as to say it's not your place. It's a genuine concern because if it embaresses your girlfriend, makes her uncomfortable or nervous around him, then saying nothing is probably going to aggrevate it, that's probably how he got this way.
Have a word with your girlfriend and encourage her to speak to her brother with you there as support. Maybe let him know you wouldn't speak to your mother or sister that way, and that being man of the house means caring for them, not bullying them. He might take it better coming from a man?
But remember you are a guest in what he sees as his house so try keep it polite:)

Thanks thats the best advice will use that !