No female friends

LegacyUser

Topic says it all Really, about a month back I was dumped by my first real girlfriend. It sucks but I dont think there is any way back for us, I ready to move on but I now that Ive seen what Ive been missing I desperately dont want to go back to singlehood. I really enjoyed being with a girl, and I dont want to wait another twenty years (yeah, laugh) to randomly meet a girl again.

Which brings me to my problem. I have little or no female friends, and no real relationship prospects to speak of. I have tonnes of male friends, and a few girlfriends who I could never see as anything but platonic, and this hasnt been a problem except now that there is a gaping heart shaped hole in my chest, Im really starting to wonder where I can meet someone new? Ill venture to say Im a good looking, caring, funny guy. My few female friends have always commented as much and I know it myself, but Ive always been too comfortable (read:scared) to venture out of my immediate social circle, so where other people have friends of friends and aquantences and stuff , and I well....dont.

So where do I go? what do I do? Im not looking for a random score or anything,thats easy enough ,but a genuine chance at meeting another person with the intention of a relationship. And If this all sounds a little cold and clinical believe me Im only laying it out like this for clarities sake, Ive basically just noticed after 20 years Im pretty damn lonely and want to do something about it!

Black Swan

How about joining a group of mostly single women and men your age who do something you really enjoy doing? Hiking, swimming, reading, theatre, films, sports, whatever?

Marksie

Blue-lagoon has covered options.

I suppose there are the internet dating sites or newspapers wherein likeminded people are looking for more than freindship or random "scoring". Thats another option.

In a different thread someone mentioned night classes as a way to get to know people, Perhaps that is another.

Colm_OReilly

I'd disagree with the last couple of posts to some extent. Not that class and hobbies aren't a good way to meet someone, the skills, inner confidence and beliefs are far more important.

Are you motivated to be in a relationship because of fear: fear of being single; fear of not knowing what to do with all your free time now? Or do you want to share with someone?

I understand your fear when it comes to leving your current social circle - most people have it. It takes a degree of courage to overcome this fear. Try not to think of courage as something someone has, but rather someting you do. You act courageously, in spite of your fears, and as a result - regardless of the external outcome - you gain confidence.

Also, might I suggest you reframe your relationship? Instead of focusing on your loneliness - which will only grow if you focus on it - be glad you had an experience with this person.

Colm.

PS: As a general rule, girls are less concerned with looks than guys. Attractiveness (Confidence, Charisma, Compassion) are far more attractive to girls than looks. I've just noticed virtually every guy who posts a social problem mentions their looks.

abetarrush

If ye dont think ye'll get back with ur GF then ye prob wont, so at least try fix the friendship

That way there'll be no hard feelins, and ye'll have easier access to females

Also, do ye not socialise at the weekends????
Go learn how t dance and ye'll get all the wimmin. The best ones are on the dancefloor - they're fit and not too mad about alcohol [generally]

good luck!

snorlax

speaking from a girls perscpective i think it's equally hard to find a man that your suited to and our attracted to in some shape or form. I recently also broke up with my bf a few days ago. But you can't live in for fear for not being able to find someone else . You've got to make your own chances be an activist in your own life, ie some people have mentioned sports/ join a club etc..sports in itself is a great way to burn off steam and meet new people whether it's tigglywinks or soccer. And if you join a mixed sex club all the better...it is true at least for some women (myself included) that personality charachteristics like compassion/ sensitivity can be as appealling as looks so don't ever get hung up how you look, it's how you feel about yourself that's more important. soemthing that improves your confidence in dealing with women might be a good idea, eg more female friends (not neccessarily potential gf material)...

Sleepy

If you're not happy on your own, ultimately any relationship you're in won't work either. Get used to being on your own, get to know yourself as you are and not as part of a couple. Then whenever the next random girl you accidently confuse with a goddess crosses your path, you'll be in with a chance of making a relationship work.

Trinity

I know this is not the advice you asked for but i wouldn't be rushing back into a relationship just yet.

A month is not a long time really.

You said in your post 'i desperately dont want to go back to singlehood' - that desperation shows believe it or not.

you could find yourself in a less than satisfactory relationship just for the sake of it. you could also find yourself being treated with little respect.

You have to go into the relationship with the frame of mind that even if it goes tits up, you will be ok.

Depending on a relationship to make you feel whole is a big no no, if a woman thinks you are desperate she will smell it!!

Women admire confident, independant, outgoing men and to be honest a little bit of the i can live with you or without you attitude (i dont mean in an aggressive or disrespectful manner - i mean independant state of mind) can also be quite appealing too.

Knowing someone is depending on you for their happiness is a huge responsibility on anyones shoulders and they generally crumble with the weight and run.

Enjoy being single for the moment, i know it can get lonely but its not so bad!!

When you become un-desperate, it'll be easy to meet someone.