Some humour

I found these
http://www.serve.com/cmtan/buddhism/Lighter/shortstories.html
Some are old, but good anyway

Asiaprod

bluewolf wrote:

I found these
http://www.serve.com/cmtan/buddhism/Lighter/shortstories.html
Some are old, but good anyway

:eek:
Telling Jokes on a religious forum. Is that alowed:D
Loved this one, thanks

Walking on water

Three monks decided to practise meditation together. they sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my the other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.

Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"

I loved these two:
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him , he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher "Oh wise one , can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"?

The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back "My son, you are on the other side" .

---

Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.

The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"

A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"

A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"

---

And it was the christianity thread that sparked this - just to show we can all have a little humour

DublinEvents

hahahah.. The one about the 'Wise blind elephants' was funny

Asiaprod

bluewolf wrote:

One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river....

Yes, very funny and clever too.

And it was the christianity thread that sparked this - just to show we can all have a little humour

/gives a big hug:o

Asiaprod

Asiaprod wrote:

/gives a big hug:o

*hugs*

athena 2000

*sigh*
I think I'll come in here for a moment.
I like walking on water jokes.

18AD

Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.

The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"

A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"

A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"

-

The original was good, but this one is funnier.

Good find.

Asiaprod

athena 2000 wrote:

*sigh*
I think I'll come in here for a moment.
I like walking on water jokes.

Welcome, much easier to do when you don't have holes in your feet:eek:
Here are a couple of fun ones

Q: How do I become a Lama?
A: Go to a monastic university and study for twenty-five years. Begin by memorizing Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha with its commentary (500 pages or so). Then study what you have memorised by hearing lectures on it and debating the contents with other candidates until you can argue every side of every controversy equally well. Then memorise several works of Nagarjuna, along with their commentaries. Then memorise the seven treatises of Dharmakirti. In additional to that study, you must master several forms of meditation and study tantric rituals for about two or three years.
Alternatively, you can come to America and just call yourself a lama. Billions of nubile virgins will follow you everywhere and give you money.

Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?
A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands? ?
A:* Because Buddhists don't have any soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday? ?
A: May you have many happy returns.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? ?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

athena 2000

Asiaprod wrote:

Welcome, much easier to do when you don't have holes in your feet:eek:

Ooooooh, naughty! lol *wags finger*

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday? ?
A: May you have many happy returns.

That one is lopsidedly sweet.

I've heard that the rinpoche in Cavan likes strawberry jam. Could this be true? [This is not a riddle. ]

Asiaprod

Asiaprod wrote:

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? ?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

scojones

I thought the story in the link below was very good. Not only is it funny, it's a nice story too.

http://buddhistsjustwannahavefun.tribe.net/thread/6e18d590-a7a8-4145-bdd4-afe3a791442f#b03e5623-acbd-432e-930d-6b1f3d9858fa

Asiaprod

sjones wrote:

I thought the story in the link below was very good. Not only is it funny, it's a nice story too.

That was so cool, thank you so much.:)

scojones

Asiaprod wrote:

That was so cool, thank you so much.:)

You're very welcome!

MeditationMom

hi everyone-
this is my favorite joke - maybe because my kids love it so much - and you'll understand why somehow this strikes me as a "buddhist" joke -

What does a fish say after he swimms into a wall?










Dam!

Asiaprod

MeditationMom wrote:

What does a fish say after he swimms into a wall?
Dam!

I like that, must get it translated for my kid to use. Welcome back, hope you had a good trip.

More jokes anyone, it is such fun to be able to tell jokes against ourselves on social occasions. I think it also relaxes the people we interact with.

maitri

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and
noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

"Well," she said. "I think I'll braid my hair today."

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and saw that she had only
two hairs on her head.

"Hmmm," she said. "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and noticed that she had
only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said. "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror, and noticed that there
wasn't a single hair on her head.

"Yeah!"! she exclaimed. "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude and Perception are everything. Have a Good day!

maitri

Ah, and another one I just came across:

One day, an old monk (bhikshus) in a monastery took an young monk (or sramaneras) to town to do some business. The young monk grew up in the monastery all his life and seldom ventured out on his own. Before they went, the old monk told him, "Beware of tigers. There are a lot of man-eating tigers in town. I will show you when they are present."

As they wonder through the busy street of the metropolitan, the young monk noticed that there are a lot of attractive women passing by. Every time, they came pass an attractive woman, the old monk would tell him, "Be ware. She is a man-eating tiger."

After they return to the monastery that night, the two had supper together. The old monk asked the young monk, "What do you like best in town?"

The young monk replied, "man-eating tigers."