Nervosa

Anto and Moe

A small tiny part of a novel in the works, introduction of character: Nervosa.
Please criticise constructively.
Many thanks!

Nervosa

Nervosa was a delicate petal of a thing. Her eyes were a light empty xanax-blue, her thin limp paroxetine-yellow hair fell loose around her shoulder bones, over which, as if it were a commodity, her vicodin-white skin was tightly stretched. All over her little body thin valganciclovir-pink scars showed the colour her skin had been before bleeding meant almost certain death.

She floated spectre like around the kitchen opening and closing the drawers and cupboards quietly until she popped her head around the corner and addressed us in her clearest whisper, “Has anyone seen my phentermine? It’s the white pill with the blue speckled dots, kind of like a polo mint…”

“What’s that Budda?” Jabez asked.

“Pentermine… I can’t find my pentermine.”

Jabez reached into the folds of her dress, and produced a small brown prescription bottle. Nervous glee flickered onto Nervosa’s face, as she reached out, but was replaced in a split second with an expression of stab-wound-displeasure when the plastic-grail suddenly disappeared back into Jabez’ deep pocket.

“I… My pentermine…”

“Why do you want these?”

“I… pentermine… my appetite, keeps it under control…”

“But what’s wrong with having an appetite? Everyone has an appetite, I have an appetite, it’s healthy.”

“nothing, I just… Please.”

The two stared at each other, Nervosa standing in a defensive ball, Jabez reclining on the puffy arm chair. The ‘please’ hangs in the air between them, loaded with weakness, powerful in its complete and utter lack of power.

Jabez frowned, (her frowns, I noticed, were only ever very slight, barely perceivable), and produced the pills.

“Are these the way to enlightenment? Will you ever be at peace with the universe if you can’t be at peace with yourself?”

Nervosa shook her head, meekly: no.

The pill bottle flew through the air, evaporating the hovering ‘please’, Nervosa groped out for it pathetically, but despite the accuracy of the pitch it just bounced off her shoulder and landed on the floor, where she quickly snatched it up and, with an expression of what passed on Nervosa’s face for delighted glee, fled the room.

Nervosa’s brother was a pharmacist, absolutely brimming with good intentions, who believed that his steady flow of prescription drugs were the only things keeping the poor suicidal creature alive. It also, unknown to him, was keeping our family buzzing when other drugs were scarce, and even making us some money when funds were needed. Nervosa’s heart was still beating, her watery blood was still flowing beneath her thin volatile skin, though the degree to which she could be considered to be ‘alive’ or ‘living’ was questionable.

shiv

Interesting, I'd like to read more!

Like the character name and your unusual word descriptions!

Anto and Moe

Thanking you very much indeed Shiv!
Everyone else on this board who have taken a peek seem hard pressed for any response though... which is why it's up here.

Perhaps another bit might prompt some construction.

A Deep and Philosophical Talk Under The Bed

Jabez crawls under the bed. It’s raised, so there’s enough room for us to lye on our stomachs, with our heads propped up on our elbows. “Come on out man, celebrate the buzz!”
“I’m just gonna sit down here for a while.”
“What’s wrong man? Your letting in the negative, when really it doesn’t exist.”
With Jabez out of site the music is gradually getting louder.
“That’s what you’re always saying, but how do you know it? How can you never be on a bad buzz?”
“Check it out, think about the word buzz for a second. What does it mean, what does it refer to? It’s atoms. That’s where everything’s connected, were all just millions of billions of tiny atoms, you dig?”
Jabez breathes in reefer through a tight curly roach, then blows it out into our already hot-boxed crawl space.
I’m nodding my head, already it’s feeling light and I’m enthusiastic to know more.
“So the buzz, the buzz is just the sound of all those atoms constantly flying around, moving, dancing, buzzing, vibrating… You dig?”
“Oui.”
“Right. And everything physical, everything real, your brain, your body, is made of atoms. Oui?”
“Oui.”
“And since negative movement is impossible, since atoms can slow down and atoms can stop, but atoms cannot, and therefore nothing can, as we are all constructed of atoms, perform negative motion, we, our brains, our bodies, can never be in a state of negativity. Negativity is an imaginary thing which we impose on ourselves, man.”
I nod, face decorated with enthusiastic confusion.
Jabez smiles, and tokes in deeply, she’s holding her breath, squeezing the smoke for all it’s worth, really feeling the assimilation. “Whad if subwud destroys everyting dats youds? Wad wud it madder? Ewe sdill habe bore dan ewe sdarded of wid, a life, a mind, friends, wad more could ewe wad?”
Her voice sounds nasal as she tries her best to talk to while keeping hold of the smoke which floats out of her mouth in wisps with every word: I can’t help but smile.
“Ewe see! Ewe ged it! Id’s all good. Nuding reedy madders, begoz ewe don’t habe do led id madder!”
Now my grin is peeling back my face, now Jabez breathes it all out, “Oh, wow, ****, head rush.” She laughs, “I know you get it, man. I can see that you’re getting it. I love you man.” And leaning over her lips press against my cheek, warm against warm, soft against soft, two pudgy cherubs caught in an embrace, rolling around in the clouds of heaven itself… “I love you so much.” and then she crawled away.

skateing dragon

I think the Character is extremely interesting. You create a great atmosphere and make the reader feel like they are in the room.
Very descriptive and great writing. I'd love to read more if you are considering posting something else.

As for the Second part pretty much the same. Very realistic Dialouge, its pretty much how young people talk. A good story seems to be developing. You describe emotions and expression brilliantly.