I want to go out with an attached girl

irishlad101

Ive been working in a large company for about 5 years now. A girl joined the company about a year ago. Im 30 and she is 25. She sits near me.
Anyway slowly we got to know each other and we have become quite close. We would talk to each other a lot. We would go for lunch together a lot.
Then this developed into we would go out for a drink after work just to 2 of us. Slowly but surely we became very close. We got drunk on a recent night out and I told her if she was single I definitely would go for her but that I would never when she is in a relationship. Most people in work think there is something going on between us but there isnt. A number of women friends in work have commented that she obviously has a crush on me. I have never kissed her. We have texted a bit but I try and keep this to a minimum.
I think about her a lot. I care for her.
I suppose one thing that made me write this is that I woke up the other night and had a dream where she was with someone else and I felt jealousy which I have not felt for a long time (only once ever before when i was in a serious long term relationship). And I know you can love without jealousy but can you be jealous without love?
Im a good person but I genuinely feel she might be the one. And before you think Im a desperate guy who is reading signs where there are none, Ive been on many dates with many girls and continue to do so. But everyone seems pale compared to her.
My instinct is to continue what Im doing. If its meant to be then it will happen. But Im going to continue living my life as before. Advice I would interested in hearing is -
was anyone in this situation before and what did they do?
should I just go for it and to hell with the consequences?
should i lay off?
My ideal I suppose is that she breaks up from her man. And she has said on a number of occasions that she has very little in common with him and that I would make a great boyfriend - and I have not encouraged that line of conversation in any way. Im trying to behave but i find it tough and after all you only get one life! You deserve to be with the one dont you?

Chinafoot

Tell her how you feel. If she does have feelings for you then maybe it'll all work out and you can be together. Then again, maybe she just thinks of you as a friend and is quite happy with her boyfriend.

Only she can answer your questions. Like you say, you only get one life so why waste time humming and hawing? You're both adults so talk to her about it and take it from there.

Keyzer

I'd stay well clear...
If you must do anything, tell her you have feelings for her but you don't want to do anything about it in the current circumstances...

Seriously, it could get extremely messy.
Also, she would be jumping out of one relationship and into another if things went well in your favour. She needs time to herself if this happened in my opinion.

Ruu_Old

You really shouldn't go messing in their relationship. Imagine how you would feel in her partners shoes if you went ahead with this. I would talk to her about how she feels but probably would not talk it much further.

Pigman II

"What do we covet? We covet what we see around us every day"
- Dr. Hannibal Lecter

It's easy to just get infatuated with someone you work with because you're spending time with them every day but I think you should spread your net a bit wider before deciding "she's the one".

I'm sure it happens all the time but I find the idea of ending up with someone because we were randomly plotted together in a job situation thoroughly depressing.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

irishlad101 wrote:

Ive been working in a large company for about 5 years now. A girl joined the company about a year ago. Im 30 and she is 25. She sits near me.
Anyway slowly we got to know each other and we have become quite close. We would talk to each other a lot. We would go for lunch together a lot.
Then this developed into we would go out for a drink after work just to 2 of us. Slowly but surely we became very close. We got drunk on a recent night out and I told her if she was single I definitely would go for her but that I would never when she is in a relationship. Most people in work think there is something going on between us but there isnt. A number of women friends in work have commented that she obviously has a crush on me. I have never kissed her. We have texted a bit but I try and keep this to a minimum.
I think about her a lot. I care for her.
I suppose one thing that made me write this is that I woke up the other night and had a dream where she was with someone else and I felt jealousy which I have not felt for a long time (only once ever before when i was in a serious long term relationship). And I know you can love without jealousy but can you be jealous without love?
Im a good person but I genuinely feel she might be the one. And before you think Im a desperate guy who is reading signs where there are none, Ive been on many dates with many girls and continue to do so. But everyone seems pale compared to her.
My instinct is to continue what Im doing. If its meant to be then it will happen. But Im going to continue living my life as before. Advice I would interested in hearing is -
was anyone in this situation before and what did they do?
should I just go for it and to hell with the consequences?
should i lay off?
My ideal I suppose is that she breaks up from her man. And she has said on a number of occasions that she has very little in common with him and that I would make a great boyfriend - and I have not encouraged that line of conversation in any way. Im trying to behave but i find it tough and after all you only get one life! You deserve to be with the one dont you?

make sure you ride her first before you make any commitment... she may be crap in bed, if she is...let it go.....

but its worth a ride anyway... go for it.

Zebra3

Now there's quality advice. :rolleyes:

OP,

Tell her how you feel, but tell her you need to step back and let her take the next step. Maybe withdraw from her a bit and let her decide what she really wants.....

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

shell think your gay if ya do that.

OrangeOranges

And I know you can love without jealousy but can you be jealous without love?

Jaysis! Give me a bucket. Once again another bloke watchin too much Oprah.

The girl has a bf already. Back-off.
Mind you no big dramatic "we can't do this anymore" crappy statements.

If she does like you, she'll come running. If not you'll see that like a lot of people in relationships she needs to know she has options. A little confidence booster is what you are.

Finally, I've always thought that if a chick cheats on her bf, she do it to you some day anyways.

chump

irishlad101 wrote:

But everyone seems pale compared to her.

Maybe she is particularly well tanned?
I personally like the pale look...

Ah gawd.

My advice would be to talk to her.
Tell her you really want to be with her, so much so that you can't get involved in other relationships while continuing the relationship you have with her - because she has such a good tan in comparison.

Then she will either decide to be with you, Yay.
Or she'll hmmm and hawww and stay with her current lad. If she hmmm's and haww's you just have to take that as a no, and back off.

You could be infatuated with this girl for years and get nowhere, all the time missing out on being with other people, or at least being open to being with other people.

So you need to go for broke and be prepared to be broken!

Chaos-Engine

Go for it dude!

You have only got one chance in life as you so aptly put it. You don't know her BF and have no committments to him. I'm not one for morals and you have to go with what feels right and makes you happy. You seem to have alot of feelings for her. More than the average on your own admission.

• Worst case: She was only teesing and she blushes and backs away.
• Slightly-Better-Case: She has an affair with you and goes back to him
• Better Again: She breaks it off with him. You goes hook up for a while and she cheats on you in her new job similar style. Either way you had her for a while and got to know who she truely was. Be happy in that as life is a series of events. Not a Start and End game.
• Best Case: You both fall happily in love. Work celebrates you union and you have lots of snotty nosed kids. You grow old and pray that you don't become incontinent before her so she doesn't have to look after you and you look after her more so instead.

Seriously though. I'd put alittle causion on her. I've been with women who can't ever be single. They end up hoping from relationship to relationship never truely being stable in themselves to actually stand on their own to feet single. Not only looking to keep options open but looking to be safe in a relationship not having to freely think for themselves. Still she coudl be the one and you could be hers!

Go for it and don't waste any more time.

fuzzywiggle

Tell her how you feel and see what she makes of it. You can't let an opportunity like this pass you by. Just go for it

Colm_OReilly

And I know you can love without jealousy but can you be jealous without love?

Jealously is the fear of loss in the future, so as such it has nothing to do with love.

Ask yourself, what do you want? Forget for the time being how or whether or not it's "ethical". Figure that out first.

elivsvonchiaing

She is either:
A) confused about her relationship; Don't go there!
b) Is using you to tease her boyfriend; don't go there!
c) She doesn't give a fúck about you; get outta there...
There has to something you didn't mention for this to make it...

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

A) confused about her relationship; great opportunity to get your hole
b) Is using you to tease her boyfriend; great opportunity to help her out....and to get your hole
c) She doesn't give a fúck about you; great opportunity for the ould "no respect sex"

i don't see a problem here...

Cianos

I'd definately go for it. Without knowing you or her, I guess there is a chance that she is just enjoying the extra male attention and would not really break up with her current bf. On the other hand maybe she is unwilling to take the first step and is waiting for you to do so. You say that you have held back out of respect for her current relationship, so maybe she is just waiting for you to not hold back.

ircoha

Watch the company set up here also.
Companies can be very tricky when it comes to "in-house incest", even large companies

If it goes wrong for you with her will it be difficult for u in the company?

Many may see u as the bad boy.

U say some where that u are going to do what u always did or words to that effect, good advice, put ur dick in your pocket and wait for her to take it out.

Having siad that yes you should ask her "whats the story with her current" as u dont need to be just an infill for him to keep her amused.

The personnel file will have all this crap on it and when it comes to reviews etc, depnding on your boss's attitude to ur behaviour it could be tricky.

I dont need to spell out all the permutations.

I have 30 years experience of this stuff and believe me, it sticks.

"Nothing are queerer than folk"

ps are ur fones ur own or the company: text records can be accessed if u own the fone.

DR. Blackthorn

OrangeOranges wrote:

Jaysis! Give me a bucket. Once again another bloke watchin too much Oprah.

The girl has a bf already. Back-off.
Mind you no big dramatic "we can't do this anymore" crappy statements.

If she does like you, she'll come running. If not you'll see that like a lot of people in relationships she needs to know she has options. A little confidence booster is what you are.

This person speaks some truths.