Where's my head at?

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I've been friends with this guy for years and I think he's just great. He's one of my favourite people in the world. We tried going out a few years ago but it just didn't happen, didn't work. Met up with him recently and I'm really attracted to him, would love to throw the leg over but I know that we just don't work as a couple. Does anyone think it's actually possible to have sex with a mate and not have it end in tears?

daiixi

Sure. If that's what you both want and that's all you want. But you both have to be in the same headspace and be able to leave it in the bedroom.

/Edit.. actually sex with a mate can be brilliant because they have to put the effort in

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Ha ha, Giggidy giggidy

AngryBadger

daiixi wrote:

Sure. If that's what you both want and that's all you want.

Yeah, and this is not often the case. More than likely you start doing the mystery dance, and then one of you starts to get jealous when rumblings stat involving other people.

Heyes

seeing as it was a few years ago that you tried to have a relationship, would u think of giving it another go as you both may have changed quite a bit since then and the relationship may work second time round ?!

Ruu_Old

OP, as long as you don't get attached to him it should be ok. The only thing that worries me is that you mentioned that you are very close, make very sure that this is what you want. How would you feel if you slept with him and saw him a few days later with someone else. Think very carefully about this.

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The jealousy thing is something I hadn't thought about. Though I wouldn't be worried about seeing him with another girl, because he's a pretty random friend that I don't see day to day. I'm not a particularly jealous person, but ruining this friendship would break my heart. As for trying again for a relationship, this is also a good point, but I'm just not in the place where I'm looking for a boyfriend, and he would be a total keeper.

Pigman II

Trust me if you are ok with it then he probably is. I was in something matching your description there (I was the great guy of course) with a gal I thought the world of. Howoever, despite liking this girl to bits, I liked the single life more and I just didn't want to get involved so we had an arrangement for a while but she got cold feet after a while when I was still ok with it.

I guess if you'd be ok with it then go with it. If not then don't waste two peoples time.

Da Bounca

Having sex with a friend you don't want to go out with is an ingredient for losing that friend.

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Having sex with a friend you do want to go out with is an ingredient for losing that friend....a more potent one in my opinion. Having sex with a friend in any case carrys that possibility. I guess thats the bottom line.

Pigman II

So lets say the sex was on but the going out was not. Would you be happy with that or would you always just be wanting more?

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Sex and no going out is exactly what I want. I don't want to go out with this guy because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work and I'm having way to fun a time being single. How did your situation affect your relationship with your friend? Were things the same after? Better? Worse? Different but still good?

Pigman II

Well I didn't change where I was but I think she did. This 'arrangement' was her idea and she set some ground rules in order to stop me moving the goalposts but ironically in actuality it was her who started changing as things went on.

Imho our friendship is currently worse than when we started the arrangement but I suspect that's either due to her not being ok with the arrangement or wanting more than she let on and not getting it. So if you're (truely) ok with with one and not the other then it should be ok for you.