Do I still have a chance with this woman?

Selik

Ok I'm gonna try and keep this as short and as to the point as possible without leaving out anything significant, if possible. I posted unregged a few months ago about the same thing but the situation hadn't developed as much then. Now I'm not bothered going unregged. Only reason at the time was the tiny chance she might have seen the post. Looking back it mightn't have been such a bad thing if she had!

So I've known this girl for a few years and we starting becoming really good close mates a few months ago. Always fancied her but I was away travelling for a year and I didn't see her that much until I returned. We were at a music festival about 2mths ago and that's when we first scored each other. We also slept together and fooled around but didn't have sex. We were both hammered as well. We never even talked about it afterwards but still had fabulous time. Then a few weeks after we got back we scored again and went back to my place (again slept together but not too much more). Similar has happened since then a few times. All this time we have continued being good mates but for some reason neither of us ever brought the "thing" that was going on with us up. I'm cracked into her in so many ways and I sorta hinted that I'd like to take her out properly but we've both been busy with stuff so it was difficult to find a time and it just sorta never happened. So to last weekend and a big party at a mates gaff. In the early hours when we were having a cosy chat she asked me did she think we needed to talk, to which I replied I yeah you're right we probably should. So later on in the morning we eventually found a quiet area of the gaff (twas a mad party) and sat down and talked. I poured out my feelings although not particularly coherrently as I was twisted. First thing she said was why didn't I tell her sooner (of course I'm kicking myself over that alone). Then she also said that she didn't want to go out with anyone at the moment and that there was also another "situation" with someone else. This someone else is a dude in Australia that she was seeing briefly here before I came back in April. I don't know too much more about it than that as she's rarely talked about it. She said she's going to Thailand in November for three weeks and that she's meeting him there. All the time we were chatting she was crying alot which was surprising as I hadn't ssen such a sensitive side to her before. Anyway we wrapped things up and for some reason I didn't feel too bad. We slept for a few hours in my mates place then I drove her home that evening. After that I went home and I started feeling really bad, like it had all hit me straight away. The fact that it was the end of a pretty heavy weekend didn't help either.

So to this week. We've been getting on better than ever and on the phone and msn to each other alot etc. We've a mate of ours coming over this weekend so a bit of a mad one is planned and we're both looking forward to it. I'm feeling really good about the whole thing as in I feel all is not lost and that maybe there's still a chance. Am I being delusional here? We get on amazing and there's deffo an attraction there (maybe more me to her right now though). I'm planning on just being a really good mate to her and going with the flow and if stuff happens, great, if not - fuk it. She's an incredible girl in so many ways and I love her friendship so much as well as the other side of things. She's beautiful on the inside and outside, which is a rarity amd I just don't wanna give this up easily. I had some other stuff going on with this other girl a while back but dropped that completely when things started heating up with this girl and to be honest right now I can't really seem to think about dating other girls (which is totally against my nature btw) - I might have to soon to take my mind off her but all I want is her. So badly.

So am I being a fool here or what? Could she realise that we could and should be together or am I leaving in dreamland? Part of me thinks so and another part of me is thinking I should just start getting out there and seeing other women again as I was a few months ago before this all started.

I'm torn as to how I should act here. I love this girl so much and I love her even more after last weekend after her display of sensitivity and hearing her sing at the party. I just wanna be around her as much as possible. I guess I'm in love with her really but don't wanna get hurt badly so I shy away from the issue (hence not talking to her about stuff for ages and even then SHE had to bring it up).

So much for keeping it short!!!

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any replies.

Gilesy

constitutionus

rough situation here. IMO i think you should go for it. its fairly obvious the womans mad into you and this australia thing is doomed. im sorry but long distance relationships NEVER work in general so if youve got a chance you should go for it. the womans SLEPT with you for gods sake, where sex is involved or not girls dont do that unless they feel safe with you and thats a hell of a good sign. seeing as you too have a past i feel you should make a major play. i realise you may feel your manipulating her emotions but lets face facts. do you really want her to go to the other side of the world?!?!

you told her how you feel and believe it or not the tears are a good sign, she may have thought you were just entertaining her and didnt have any deep emotions . trust me man, if this girl is the one DONT let her get away. you'll go mad if you do . dems my thoughts anyway so dont feck up

Selik

constitutionus wrote:

rough situation here. IMO i think you should go for it. its fairly obvious the womans mad into you and this australia thing is doomed. im sorry but long distance relationships NEVER work in general so if youve got a chance you should go for it. the womans SLEPT with you for gods sake, where sex is involved or not girls dont do that unless they feel safe with you and thats a hell of a good sign. seeing as you too have a past i feel you should make a major play. i realise you may feel your manipulating her emotions but lets face facts. do you really want her to go to the other side of the world?!?!

you told her how you feel and believe it or not the tears are a good sign, she may have thought you were just entertaining her and didnt have any deep emotions . trust me man, if this girl is the one DONT let her get away. you'll go mad if you do . dems my thoughts anyway so dont feck up

Hmmm thanks for the reply man.

It feels funny asking the PI crew about all this I have to say! I just feel I need some outside impartial advice and tbh I've bored some of mates to death about this at this stage!

Thing is, she never said she loved this other guy or anything (I didn't ask either) but she did say she loves our friendship and doesn't wanna ever lose it (haha don't ALL chicks say this ALL the time!).

I'm just thinking that I played it ridiculously cool for so long but now it's deffo out in the open I'm so unsure what to do next? Like play it cool but keep making clear that I want her badly or else risk everything including our friendship by coming on too strong. She's not the type to do this anyway but as least I don't have to worry about being out with her and her scoring someone else coz of her Aussie bloke thing. That would do my head in no end right now. She also told me during out chat that she's in contact alot with this dude by msn/txt/phone etc. This has to be significant right?

Grrrr even though I feel calm and strangely happy now about things (esp compared to last Sun eve and Mon daytime) it's still bugging me and it's ALWAYS never far from my thoughts.

justafriend?

Giles wrote:

she asked me did she think we needed to talk, to which I replied I yeah you're right we probably should. So later on in the morning we eventually found a quiet area of the gaff (twas a mad party) and sat down and talked.

I poured out my feelings although not particularly coherrently as I was twisted. First thing she said was why didn't I tell her sooner (of course I'm kicking myself over that alone).

Then she also said that she didn't want to go out with anyone at the moment and that there was also another "situation" with someone else. This someone else is a dude in Australia that she was seeing briefly here before I came back in April. I don't know too much more about it than that as she's rarely talked about it. She said she's going to Thailand in November for three weeks and that she's meeting him there.

All the time we were chatting she was crying alot which was surprising as I hadn't ssen such a sensitive side to her before. Anyway we wrapped things up and for some reason I didn't feel too bad. We slept for a few hours in my mates place then I drove her home that evening.

I'm feeling really good about the whole thing as in I feel all is not lost and that maybe there's still a chance. Am I being delusional here?

We get on amazing and there's deffo an attraction there (maybe more me to her right now though). So am I being a fool here or what? Could she realise that we could and should be together or am I leaving in dreamland? Part of me thinks so and another part of me is thinking I should just start getting out there and seeing other women again as I was a few months ago before this all started.

I'm torn as to how I should act here. I love this girl so much and I love her even more after last weekend after her display of sensitivity and hearing her sing at the party. I just wanna be around her as much as possible. I guess I'm in love with her really but don't wanna get hurt badly so I shy away from the issue (hence not talking to her about stuff for ages and even then SHE had to bring it up).

So much for keeping it short!!!

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any replies.

Gilesy

I am new to giving advice stuff so please be aware that this is just my opinion of the top of my head... and i know from personal experience how head wrecking something like this is:)!

I also cant figure out how to quote parts of this...apologies anyway....!

Personally i think the fact that she wanted to discuss your situation is a good thing... if nothing else it is a clear demonstration that she is affected by your situation... it seem obvious from your post that she cares deeply for you... whether or not than means that she wants more than friendship i don't know.

You have to consider the possibility that her crying could just be drunkenness.... is she a girl who regularly crys when drunk...? if not there is a good chance that she is genuinely and very emotionally involved and affected by all of this, which can only be a good sign from your point of view.

Her asking you why you didn't tell her before in the context of your conversation - could also be significant - did she mention how she felt about you before you two got together?

Most importantly you seem to be unwilling to give up on it and feel that there is a chance... trust your instincts... you say that you two are getting on even better now...you know yourself whether there is a "deeper intimacy" to your closeness?

Don't give up hope.... you have let her know that you really care for her, there is nothing more that you can do... you need to give her the space to go to Thailand and do what she has to do!

Your way ahead of the Ozzie... about 12,000 miles in fact:)!

Hope my two pence helps:)!

And best of luck with it....i hope it all works out well for you!;)

justafriend?

Giles wrote:

but she did say she loves our friendship and doesn't wanna ever lose it (haha don't ALL chicks say this ALL the time!).

No ALL chicks certinaly do not say this ALL the time!!! Certainly not in the context of major heart to hearts!!

Tar.Aldarion

Oh they say it, doesn't mean it happens...

constitutionus

the fact she's never said she loved this aussie guy is a good thing. girls dont usually leave that fact out. dont want to get your hopes up but it does look really good from your point of view. she may be texting him alot but the fact she's confiding in you and not slutting about means your relationship means alot to her. it looks like its down to you two . the reason she may not have said anything is because youve been playing it so cool, you'd be amazed how beautiful women just dont get your into them till you come straight out and say it. you have to sort it out now though that its out in the open. if she really knows how you feel you cant seem to take it back when your sober or she''ll be lost. its a bit of a head feck but you did the hard part so fight for the girl

Selik

This is going to be another interesting weekend possibly!

Another thing that might be significant is that everytime we've scored each other (and it's been about a month now since the last time) is that we've been drunk - or at least tipsy. Well I have been anyway. I pretty much have no interest in other women now at the moment coz of this and it's frustrating but if this somehow works out well it will be worth it...

Haha I feel like such a teenager now that I've confided to the PI posse!

justafriend?

Isn't it amazing how much better you feel for confiding?:D

constitutionus

you know youve brought up an issue thats been bothering me lately. im mad into this girl from my local and i know its returned but we only seem to hook up when were pissed and it really annoys me cause i dont want her that way. sad as it is to say most of the girls ive ended up with have been locked when weve copped off (though i will confess i was usually locked too) and i really want what i have with this girl to be a more honest mature thing. thing is its lead me to being caught up in this big head feck thing where she's trying to get me to chase her and im the type who gets annoyed with mind games so i'll deliberately ignore her when she does this. ah i'll get it sorted in the end but it just shows ya. trying for a deep relationship is mental! (though worth it )

Selik

constitutionus wrote:

you know youve brought up an issue thats been bothering me lately. im mad into this girl from my local and i know its returned but we only seem to hook up when were pissed and it really annoys me cause i dont want her that way. sad as it is to say most of the girls ive ended up with have been locked when weve copped off (though i will confess i was usually locked too) and i really want what i have with this girl to be a more honest mature thing. thing is its lead me to being caught up in this big head feck thing where she's trying to get me to chase her and im the type who gets annoyed with mind games so i'll deliberately ignore her when she does this. ah i'll get it sorted in the end but it just shows ya. trying for a deep relationship is mental! (though worth it )

Quit hijacking my thread hahaha!!!!!

aidan24326

Giles wrote:

This is going to be another interesting weekend possibly!

Another thing that might be significant is that everytime we've scored each other (and it's been about a month now since the last time) is that we've been drunk - or at least tipsy. Well I have been anyway. I pretty much have no interest in other women now at the moment coz of this and it's frustrating but if this somehow works out well it will be worth it...

Haha I feel like such a teenager now that I've confided to the PI posse!

Might be an idea to not go quite as heavy on the booze this time. Stay semi-sober (you know, not pissed anyway) and see what happens then. No used being locked every time you're with her.

Kell

constitutionus wrote:

the fact she's never said she loved this aussie guy is a good thing. girls dont usually leave that fact out.

What about the ones who want fingers in many pies at the same time? Why upset the apple cart if you're quite happy to see many people at the same time irrelevant of how they feel about you? Pfft.

Giles wrote:

Another thing that might be significant is that everytime we've scored each other (and it's been about a month now since the last time) is that we've been drunk - or at least tipsy.

And you put faith in these encounters?

Try as much as possible to put her out of your mind. It might prompt her to decide exactly what she wants.

K-

upsfan

What Aidan said- very important you aren't completely hammered (a few is fine, might even be beneficial, but be careful.)

LikeOhMyGawd!

She might ultimately decide that the Australian dude is the way to go so you should definitely consumate the releationship if the chance comes your way.

PopeBuckfastXVI

If she truly cared she would forget about the wizzard of Oz. You planted yourself squarly in the friend zone for too long m8, that's a rookie mistake, but you were pulling yourself out of it by scoring her a couple of times. The heart to heart you had puts you right back in friend city; population you. The most important thing about a chick is that she digs you right? Well this one might well do but obviously not enough to flick Bruce back to the surf club. So I say forget her, let her feck off with this antipodean, when he turns out to be a dick and she crawls back to you, consider it then. If you chase now while she has choosing power you are fecked for good, you will be uber whipped. Take the initiative, go out and score someone else, or at least chase it, and above all else show no affection to this bird beyond basic politeness, she'll get the message and will respect you more for it in the end.

Also chances are you'll find someone nicer who won't f*ck with your head and p*ss off with ozzie lads, in which case; result!

AngryBadger

If the two of you have fooled around then you've both clearly leapt a lot of the more mundane obstacles, she obviously feels secure enough around you to be intimate, at least to some degree, but I have to wonder why she'd wait this long, AND at the same time bother doing anything at all if there was a SITUATION with another guy in the wings.

I'd wonder was she trying to get you to make a move or something by telling you there was someone else who might potentialy be snapping her up if you didn't move quick. Which might be a good or bad thing depending on the girl...

constitutionus

AngryBadger wrote:

I'd wonder was she trying to get you to make a move or something by telling you there was someone else who might potentialy be snapping her up if you didn't move quick. Which might be a good or bad thing depending on the girl...

ive ran into this too. christ knows why but some girls seem to think trying to get us jealous is the way to get us in the sack. either that or theyre trying to show you their in demand. all i know is its a big turn off for me and invariably its not a good sign. waaaay too much insecurity. i dont think its the case here though, australia's way to far away to be a threat, if she was going on about a guy down the country i'd be worried

jrey1981

Part of me is cheering for you and thinking you should go for it with this girl, but another says you have fallen very hard and you are soon going to be in a world of pain.

If I was in your shoes, I would invite this girl away for a romantic weekend before she goes away and hope that she says yes.

Good luck.

daiixi

She's already arranged to meet up with the guy from Australia and it's highly unlikely that anything you do will stop her from going. It sounds like she likes you a lot but she's already made a commitment to someone else. Stick around and be her friend, let her know that you're waiting for her to make her choice but if you push it you'll probably push her away.*
She obviously feels that she owes it to herself to find out what could/n't happen with this other guy and tbh it's about her, not you.







* all easier said than done

oulu

Why not ask her straight out does she think there is a future for the 2 of you's.Or are you just some fun for her while the ossie is so far away. She might like you even fancy you but that is a long way from loving you like you love her. If she sees no future at all then you should stop the sleep ins ,kisses whatever you 2 do.Because you will only fall more for her so much that you might end up hating her for leading you on your thoughs not mine I'm thinking in the future. But if she needs to see this other guy to reliase you are the one for her then that can only be a good thing. Are you afraid to ask her straight out because you dont want to hear anything bad from her, ie I like you I really do but". You sound young so it is all experience. I always remember been in a similar situation in me youger days, Girl who I was totally crazy for went out for a whle then she said I like love you as a friend and dont want to lose that, I just said it straight to her I dont need any more friends I have plenty already , what I want is you as my girlfriend if not then so be it, I know the friendshgip thing wont work. So that was it only seen her a few times in the next 10 yrs, No way could I have been just friends with her with the feeling I had for her this she understood I was told by her mates. Now married to a superwoman

AngryBadger

constitutionus wrote:

i dont think its the case here though, australia's way to far away to be a threat

See, that takes us back to my point, if he's not an issue, why bother to bring him up at all?