???

hobochris

well this is more a guy thing but maybe girls get this to...

did you ever notice that with the whole dating thing its always either a feast or a famine?

I mean ive found personally that my options as regards to dating always seem to open up when im going out with someone, and girls will come up to me and try chat me up...
But when im single i could almost write the book on rejection... now im not sure if this is just some kind of conspiracy that women have or if its just bad ****ing luck...

either way it ****ing sucks from my point of veiw, especialy since im apathetic which means i get alot more days then i should were i feel like ****... i wouldnt say im depressed because i always try to be optimistic...
but anyways...


is there some reason for this feast or famine thing???

Gordon

Interesting indeed!

Moved to Humanities from PI.

Colm_OReilly

is there some reason for this feast or famine thing???

Short answer, yes. Scarcity increases value and people want what they can't have. When you're "off the market" girls pick up on your changed behaviour and it can arouse their curiosity.

I'd venture that when you're in a relationship and you head out you're out for fun, and pulling chicks isn't on your mind. However, most guys in the bar are in some way on the pull so you look like you're having fun rather than looking for fun.

These subtle changes are a lot more noticable to girls than guys.

Also the way the brain "records" information makes it feel worse than it is. You're not trying to get anything from your interactions when you're unavailable (which, makes you more desirable) however, when you're single you're thinking on some level of getting inside her panties. People can detect when someone wants something from them and instinctively pull back. So you notice rejection more.

Hope this helps,
Colm

hobochris

Colm_OReilly wrote:

Short answer, yes. Scarcity increases value and people want what they can't have. When you're "off the market" girls pick up on your changed behaviour and it can arouse their curiosity.

I'd venture that when you're in a relationship and you head out you're out for fun, and pulling chicks isn't on your mind. However, most guys in the bar are in some way on the pull so you look like you're having fun rather than looking for fun.

These subtle changes are a lot more noticable to girls than guys.

Also the way the brain "records" information makes it feel worse than it is. You're not trying to get anything from your interactions when you're unavailable (which, makes you more desirable) however, when you're single you're thinking on some level of getting inside her panties. People can detect when someone wants something from them and instinctively pull back. So you notice rejection more.

Hope this helps,
Colm

cheers man,
good to know im not just paranoid and that there is an explaination

McGinty

I'm a woman and I've experienced the same thing, when I'm single no one shows interest, when I'm in a relationship, I get offers all the time, even whereby two guys have offered to buy me drinks at the same time, I declined to both as I was with someone, even when I've been out with said boyfriend, I've been approached. I concur it is either a feast or famine, but it applies to both sexes, as this also happens to my female friends.

hobochris

It sucks, the problem now is figureing out how to not look obviously single...

iguana

I'd say it's mostly to do with the fact that although you may chat politely with other women you aren't acting in the same way as you used to. Perhaps something about your chat up technique was a little off putting. Maybe you spent too much time trying to impress,and it turns out you are much more impressive when you are just being yourself rather than trying too hard.

It's funny, but for me it's the other way around. I used to get more interest when I was single. Then again I was out in clubs all the time when I was single, and I'm not much now. And I used to dress sluttier when i was out.;)

Generic_Dave

hobochris wrote:

It sucks, the problem now is figureing out how to not look obviously single...

Well, not shaving and wearing clothes with curry stains on them scream single on a guy, but then again probably want to actually pull not just look single.
You could always bring a female friend out with you and look like you're going out, maybe that'll help, though if they think you're oing out with someone who's with you and you're chatting them up, it could be slap to the face time.