Family woes

ST*

I'm not too sure if this one needed a whole thread of its own, but the other is a religion related problem.

Basically, the groom has four brothers - two of whom are married, two are not. The two who are not married have girlfriends that the bride & groom really do not like at all, and would rather they weren't at the wedding. One of the girls in particular - if she couldn't fight with someone, she would start shadow-boxing with herself tbh.

The wedding is to be a small intimate affair, so the bride & groom to be were thinking of putting it down to a budget related problem.

Maybe there isn't a magic solution here, but is there nice way of putting it to the brothers? One of them has been told not to bring his 'lady' along to a recent wedding, he got his nose up in the air about it and didn't come.

Anyone go through something similar? How did you deal with it?

Cantab.

ST* wrote:

I'm not too sure if this one needed a whole thread of its own, but the other is a religion related problem.

Basically, the groom has four brothers - two of whom are married, two are not. The two who are not married have girlfriends that the bride & groom really do not like at all, and would rather they weren't at the wedding. One of the girls in particular - if she couldn't fight with someone, she would start shadow-boxing with herself tbh.

The wedding is to be a small intimate affair, so the bride & groom to be were thinking of putting it down to a budget related problem.

Maybe there isn't a magic solution here, but is there nice way of putting it to the brothers? One of them has been told not to bring his 'lady' along to a recent wedding, he got his nose up in the air about it and didn't come.

Anyone go through something similar? How did you deal with it?

As the old adage says: You can choose your friends but not your family. Probably worse in the long term not to invite them...

annR

For me it would depend on whether it was just an issue of disliking them, or whether they could cause trouble/fight/ and completely ruin your wedding.

Anyone likely to cause any trouble should be left out as you don't want your wedding day ruined either for the sake of politeness.

ST*

annR wrote:

Anyone likely to cause any trouble should be left out as you don't want your wedding day ruined either for the sake of politeness.

This is it you see, it would only be out of politeness. Neither bride nor groom have any time for either of these women. One is the girl that physically fights, the other is a neighbour (and grooms brothers gf) who will come along with the brother even though she, the bride and groom don't speak just to spite them, and pure nosiness.

It looks like something will have to be said, as nicely as possible.


Thanks for replies.

annR

Anyone who physically fights should know why they're not being invited and as for the other one, if she's a neighbour they might have to think about inviting them and then just pretending they're not there.

SingingCherry

ST* wrote:

I'm not too sure if this one needed a whole thread of its own, but the other is a religion related problem.

Basically, the groom has four brothers - two of whom are married, two are not. The two who are not married have girlfriends that the bride & groom really do not like at all, and would rather they weren't at the wedding. One of the girls in particular - if she couldn't fight with someone, she would start shadow-boxing with herself tbh.

The wedding is to be a small intimate affair, so the bride & groom to be were thinking of putting it down to a budget related problem.

Maybe there isn't a magic solution here, but is there nice way of putting it to the brothers? One of them has been told not to bring his 'lady' along to a recent wedding, he got his nose up in the air about it and didn't come.

Anyone go through something similar? How did you deal with it?

Well, if everyone else they invite has a plus one, they can't tell the brother's they can't bring a date. And if the brothers are given a guest invite, a bride and groom certainly can't dictate who and who is not a suitable date for their brother, whether they like her or not. I don't blame him for turning his nose up at the other wedding; if someone told me that I couldn't take my husband to the wedding but they invited me with a guest, I wouldn't go either.

Their best solution is inviting only couples who are married or engaged, otherwise the invitiation is a single invite with no guest. Otherwise, it's considered extremely bad etiquette.

ST*

SingingCherry wrote:

Their best solution is inviting only couples who are married or engaged, otherwise the invitiation is a single invite with no guest. Otherwise, it's considered extremely bad etiquette.

The brothers both still live with their parents. Is it a bad thing to address the invite to parents, brother & brother?

It is sort of a wedding on a budget anyway, which most understand. It can be put down to that I suppose... Maybe this will work.


Thanks again for replies folks.

Gandhi

SingingCherry wrote:

Their best solution is inviting only couples who are married or engaged, otherwise the invitiation is a single invite with no guest. Otherwise, it's considered extremely bad etiquette.

FTW TBH. I have been to plenty of weddings where the rule was "No Ring, No Bring", and no-one that I heard from had a problem with it.