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07 Aug 2006

  • 07-08-2006 12:16am
    #1
    homah_7ft
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,126 ✭✭✭


    Bed's secrets left unmade,
    Cold air biting mint in mouth,
    Watching feet to pass the eyes,
    Single certainty left is doubt,
    Forgotten wasps on summer sill,
    Stepping onto puddled mirror disguise,
    Rippled wrinkles yet to fill,
    Words will come to incise.


Comments

  • #2
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    homah_7ft wrote:
    Bed's secrets left unmade,
    Cold air biting mint in mouth,
    Watching feet to pass the eyes,
    Single certainty left is doubt,
    Forgotten wasps on summer sill,
    Stepping onto puddled mirror disguise,
    Rippled wrinkles yet to fill,
    Words will come to incise.

    I like the first line. I like the unpredictability. I like the third line.
    Overall it's quirky and makes me think. Keep it up! :)


  • #3
    homah_7ft
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,126 ✭✭✭homah_7ft


    Thanks Shiv. I'm glad it made you think. :)


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