disinterested friend? opinions?

theTinker

Hey,
This may seem a bit of a rant but id welcome any advice on it as it's important to me.
I have a friend that is important to me for about 2 years and we spend about 1-2 nights a week with each other normally, "movie night" watching a dvd and getting pizza basically, we do other stuff sumtimes but this was our regular thing. Anyway, about 2-3 months ago we started to do exams and spend less time together, but after exams she seems....not reluctant but not eager to spend time together.

Past 5 times have been:
1 lunch(45 mins)

The next time we were suppose to get together, I/we resorted to meeting three weeks later, I thought this was just crazy but anyways I waited then as she said she was going out that current weekend and her friends birthday was the next weekend(on the friday), fair enough.

The next 2 times were 15 mins stop ins over 2-3 weeks but these were usually to discuss sumthing particular, we were suppose to go on holiday but it got canceled.
The next time she was coming down she was an hour late and left after 1.

It seems odd to me and ive been feeling like im nearly chasing her to spend time together even though it never seemed an issue before, which ever one of us didnt text/ring before the other would and that be that. I confronted her about it casually twice, asking is there anything going on with her and us? First time was a minor "nope", second I told her I got the feeling but she just said no again. I dont want to bring it up again if its all in my head but we used to spend at least 1 day(6 hours?) a week.
The general lack of responses to emails and texts too, when normally they would be near immdiate as she sits on a computer all day (recepsionist). Shes no new boyfriends and I havent heard anything from her that would account for being wierd.

After reading all this i would think shes no interest in being friends anymore or sumthing but she always seemed to really enjoy it and we were always there for each other n stuff. any ideas? I certainly dont want to just tell her not to be friends if she doesnt want to incase its not crossed her mind as her friendship is real important to me.

LegacyUser

In my experience this is something that just happens sometimes. Not to put a downer on it, and I know its not what you want to hear at all, but some people do lose interest. She's almost certainly not even aware of anything being different, she's just in a different place in her life right now and isn't thinking on the same lines as you are.

It'd be easy to put it down to fickleness on her part but sadly I think its a common trait in most humans. If you think about it from your own perspective it seems tragic. I would imagine though if you trace back far enough you'll find examples of where you've done the same thing and have never to this day realised it.

Worth noting of course is that she may have some other issues on her mind. In that case, all you can do is tactfully let her know you're there as a helpful option, and then let her get on with deciding how she wants to play it.

Faith

Aye, I'm well familiar with what you're describing, OP. Unfortunately, I can't offer any decent advice since I'm in the same situtation and also have no idea what to do about it!

Also, replace "2 years" with "15 years"!

LegacyUser

Sounds like she's just bored of the same ol' thing. How come u don't go out with her and her mates on the weekend? She obviously has time, she just doesn't have time for movies or lunches or what not.

I’ve done this same thing to at least one friend before, but I was honestly really tired of her, we were friends since primary school but drifted apart during college. We had totally opposing views on things, and I would get really frustrated with her for different reasons, she'd always try and meet up with me when it suited her, and never when it suited me. I stopped inviting her to things my friends and I were doing, or parties I was having because she'd show up alone and be stuck to me all night talking about herself and not really having ant interest in me.

Then I realised I just didn't enjoy spending time with her anymore, and that given the choice I’d much rather do anything other than spend time with her. So whenever she called or texted I’d have an excuse why I couldn't meet. The last time or two I invited her to something important to me she just didn't show interest. Then she'd text me a month later asking if I wanted to go for drinks at the weekend - but there’s always something more fun on.

So now when she calls or texts I don't answer. Life’s too short to waste time on someone you don't like anymore, we're not family so I don't see why we should have to feel obliged to check in on each other every few months. And sometimes if u continue seeing someone out of like a favour to them, or somekind of sentimental obligation almost, you end up getting allergic to them, and everything they do annoys you.

Sorry that that’s a bit harsh, I’ve been on the receiving end a few times myself, and it sucks to feel like you've been dropped like a flavour of the month, but some people just go through people like that.

But it could be just that your friend has less time. I’d say just cool it with trying to get her to meet for a while, and let her do the work. It might work itself out in a few weeks/months or you might both just move on.