Writing poems, any good?

[QJ]Serideth

Eh, this may sound stupid, but every now and again I log parts of my life in poetry, so no one understands what really happened but me, just want to know what you think of this one I'm 17 and male, just so you see what kind of stage in my life this is coming from..


We where angels

We where angels, you and I,
Non Deceptive, Angelic, Clean and Joyous,
But, I strayed from this happy place,
And like a curies child you followed me
Into a world of tears and despair

You couldn't belive it, for your eyes shone only with innocence,
A beauty incapable of understanding pain and sickness
Well, I am darkness and I am shame
I am what you despised, but you never new it
Knowledge is a curse, ignorance is bliss

You are my strength, I am your pain
Return to your world of angels I say
But you refuse and stay

You posses something I can't fadom,
Friends are a cruch for the weak....
If so, let me be crippled.

shiv

There's nothing stupid with logging your life in poetry, I do it all the time, it helps save your sanity and can also be enjoyed by others...You need to use a spell-check through, otherwise it will put readers off!

There's nothing silly about doing it whatsoever. I find that the best way to sort out my own head is if I put it down in poetry. For some reason it makes things clearer in that way.

You should really proof-read your work though, even though it was good, there were a few mistakes, which niggles a bit at me.

Did you mean "We Were Angels"?

LUNA...

' wrote:

Serideth']Eh, this may sound stupid, but every now and again I log parts of my life in poetry, so no one understands what really happened but me, just want to know what you think of this one I'm 17 and male, just so you see what kind of stage in my life this is coming from..[QJ

If this is the result of logging events from your life in poetry, then keep doing it. I thought your poem was amazing. Ok, there were some spelling mistakes but anyone with half a brain would know what you ment when they read it.

So, well done. Keep posting. Look forward to the next one.

Zillah

I quite like it. It flows nicely and the theme appeals to me.

Spelling is horrendous though. This might seem really pretentious but I feel the need to correct it for you.. (gets out red pen )

**

We were angels, you and I,
Non Deceptive, Angelic, Clean and Joyous,
But, I strayed from this happy place,
And like a curious child you followed me
Into a world of tears and despair

You couldn't believe it, for your eyes shone only with innocence,
A beauty incapable of understanding pain and sickness
Well, I am darkness and I am shame
I am what you despised, but you never knew it
Knowledge is a curse, ignorance is bliss

You are my strength, I am your pain
Return to your world of angels I say
But you refuse and stay

You posses something I can't fathom,
Friends are a crutch for the weak....
If so, let me be crippled.

**

Paligulus

I really enjoyed this one. Killer last stanza too!!!

Shellie13

Love it!!!
Really interesting...didnt even notice the spelling mistakes tbh...then again i phyisically CANNOT spell myself...
Would love to see more you've written

Odaise Gaelach

That's nice... I like that. I like that alot.

Thursday*

Shellie13 wrote:

Love it!!!
Really interesting...didnt even notice the spelling mistakes tbh...then again i phyisically CANNOT spell myself...
Would love to see more you've written

Agreed.