Are there slides in heaven, Daddy?

cue

My son saw a dead sparrow in the street a while ago and now he wants to know all about death and the whole process from why it happens to strange belief systems about the afterlife. He is 5. I have no idea what I think about these matters as they were never important to me. It seems very important to him however. So far we have touched upon reincarnation, heavan, grief, God, the spiritual life of bugs (kids are great), graveyards, the carbon cycle, star wars, sickness and why why why. I try to tell him the truth which is hard at the best of times, and when it comes to spiritual matters there are a range of belief systems out there which answer his questions in different ways. Anybody got any experiences of talking to kids about this?

sudzs

You could always rely on the religious brainwashing he's receive in school...?

ArthurDent

We've had 3 recent bereavements in family, a grandad, great-grandad and an uncle, so both my sons (5 and 7) have had a lot of questions around death and dying and I find that answering the questions they ask is the best approach ( not telling them what you think they want to know). Also being truthful is the only way for me - if I don't know, I say I don't know.
Kids will talk to their peers and so will have been exposed to their ideas too - I was VERY surprised with my 5 year olds discussion of angels, wings, and a very "religious" heaven, courtesy of discussions with our neighbours - I wouldn't be big into a traditional harp-playing, cloud-lying-on scenario.
I would probably lean towards reincarnation and have discussed this with them - but they are having none of it! For them it's much more the traditional view courtesy of friends etc (they go to an ET school so, haven't be exposed to many discussions of afterlife there, other than in very general terms.) Both of them firmly believe that their grandad is up in heaven, with his favourite dog minding "holy god's!" orchard and that's fine by me. When my grandad died recently they knew beforehand that he had been getting weaker and that he was going to die, they saw me upset and crying (but they were ok with that - they understood that I was just sad having to say goodbye to someone I loved), in the words of my 5 year old - he died because "the engine in his heart got old and rusty and ran out of petrol". I didn't bring either of them to the wake - but both could come to the funeral mass (the 5 year old did, the 7 year old didn't want to miss school that morning). I had explained that there would be a coffin and the body would be inside, it really didn't seem to bother them too much, they have been to a burial and a cremation.
Good luck with your discussions on the topic.
AD

mike65

Parents worry way to much about "what to tell the children" esp young ones.

They'll accept what you say if you are the figure of authority/love, any questions that should result from what you say should be answered in a striaghtforward fashion.

If they have thier own ideas, fine - thats good! Its something you can tease out and both you and your children will be the better for it. If they have no views then you have the chance to get them on your side before the Schools/Churches get at them.

As for the whole death thing, just tell them people are born, live and die and its a natural process and takes many years. Children only see the next few mins/hours/days (at most) so you won't scare them with that revelation.

Mike.

Cutie18Ireland

this is something that has been happening in our family for about a year now...

my nanny died almost a year ago now (aged 66) and they had an open coffin in the funeral home, im the oldest granchild the rest are all under 13 and tbh we didnt really want any of them to see her like that but they suprised us all really, they coped quite well with it and seemed to want to stay strong to mind their parents.

they asked me lots of things and i had no idea what to say, it was the first time i'd ever had to deal with a death either, so i just told them that nanny was looking down on them all making sure they were ok and being good.

tk123

My sister died when I was 5 she was 11, she died in our house and i still remember everything - the ambulance man, the hospital the funeral etc. Because of my of age nobody really explained what was going on - I remember being in the priests office, him saying something to me any my younger brother and somebody else saying "they don't understand". We didn't understand because nobody explained what was going on. Everybody fell to pieces at the funeral and at the graveyard and it's something I'll always carry with me as a what not to do when I have kids. I guess what I'm trying to say is explain what is going on etc and don't just assume the kid is going with the flow - I was afriad to ask anybody questions or eveb cry looking back because they were all upset.

CathyMoran

I lost my best friend in a hotel fire when we were 6, 26 years ago yesterday, my parents had explained to me that she would go to heaven but that she would also be a guardian angel, it did help me though I was very traumatised by her death (my parents did not see it suitable for me to go to her funeral and I caught her coffin going into the grave on TV, something that haunts me still)...I think that at a young age children need an optimistic view point on death.