Missed an oppertunity to be with a girl and really depressed over it.

Hendrix89

Hi this is going to be really difficult to explain but ill give it ago anyway. Im a 17 (1 month away) year old boy and the last two weeks i was on a holiday in Italy with my family. When the holiday was over and i was in Pisa airport in a very long check-in line i saw this incredibly good looking girl further down in the line i was in. She seemed about my age, had long darkish blonde hair, had a perfect figure and had a stunning face. She had tanned skin but i wasnt sure if she was italian or not. The feeling i had looking at her just told me she was the the most attractive girl i had ever seen and i wanted so much to be with her. In my mind i was thinking and almost knew for certain that i was ''out of her league'' and that a girl like that would never find me attractive. Then she saw me, for the first time, looked away... and then looked back at me again. Every time i looked at her she was looking at me and of course immediately took her eyes of me when i noticed. I couldnt believe it! This girl was attracted to me! This kinda stuff went on the whole time we were in the line and i was more and more sure of it. When her bags had been checked she headed off with her family looking back at me as she walked by. By then i was very anxious to see her again and hopefully talk to her. She was obviously on the same flight as me so i wasnt too worried. At this point id like to let you know that i have always been and still am a very shy person. Anyway back to where i left off... So i had finished checking in and all the other stages all the time keeping an eye out for this girl with no luck. Then while waiting in the boarding area with my family near our gate i saw her across the room. At that time i was a bit nervous to approach her and im pretty sure her dad was glaring at me when we looked at each other while in the que for boarding the plane. I was hoping that we might be near each other in the plane but we ended up being on complete opposite ends of the plane! At this point i was really worried that i will never get to her and spent the whole 2hr plane journey thinking what to do. I had decided that i would try get to her after departure in the baggage claim which i knew would be my last chance. So the plane landed and her side was directed off the plane first while there was a hold up where i was! I was getting really anxious. Finally i got off the plane and went down to the baggage claim area where i saw her opposite me on the other side of the baggage belt. She then noticed me and we were staring at each other again. I was trying to get my family to move round to the other side where she was but it wasnt gonna happen... We both finished colecting our baggage at around the same time and were heading for the exit with our families... I took one last look at her as she headed off with her family in another direction looking back at me.... Her family were getting a bus while mine was getting a taxi. I was devestated. I just cant cant stop thinking about that day (bout 4 days ago) and what could have happened. I have been so depressed ever since and even got really drunk by myself for the first time last night... I barely do anything anymore so ive started drinking to ease the pain i guess. I know your thinking 'Gess its only a girl who you dont even know!' i find it hard to believe to! Im just feeling so bad at the moment and i wish all this would go out my mind but it just wont! I just wanna know if anyone has had an experience like mine... Also if anyone can help me out, id really like to talk to people. Im not making much sense at the moment so please forgive. thanks.

Stench Blossoms

Its a crush. You will get over it in time.

easyontheeye

come on lad, your only 17 there will be loads of oppurtunities, sure see the positive side, she did express some some interest in ya!



Remember the x chromosome is getting stronger...means for for us!

Kooli

You don't know this girl at all, what you 'missed out on' is the story you made up in your head about what might have happened if you'd gone over to her.

She could have been a total idiot. She could have been really boring. She could have had no english whatsoever. She could have had no interest in you at all and you misread the signals.

Sure it sucks that you missed out on a chance with a girl who you believe is out of your league, and it sucks that you'll never know what might have happened, which means you are now presuming that the BEST POSSIBLE SCENARIO is what would have happened, but is it? Really, think about it, you might not have gotten on at all! Although I get the impression from your post that personality isn't exactly on your list of priorities in a girl.

Just enjoy the fact that you had a hot chick checking you out! That is pretty cool. And believe us that it is just a crush that will pass.

Ruu_Old

If it was meant to happen then it would happen I believe OP. You'll find others, don't worry.

Beetlebum

Damn, curse missed opportunities!!
You're a young guy and there'll be plenty more beautiful women who'll catch your eye over the coming years. There's not much point in thinking about this girl cause chances are you're never gonna see her again. In time though you'll forget all about her. There are millions of hot 17 year old girls walking around Dublin. Try to keep your head up kiddo!!

Sony

Your post was very clear and you put your point across perfectly so dont worry about that.

it IS a shame but these things can happen to you everyday when you think about it - Im 24 now but to be honest when I was your age I wouldnt have considered chatting up the girl considering the circumstances so fair play to ye,youre obviously not as shy as you think you are;)

It probably seems like a big thing to you and I DO believe youre thinking about it non stop the past few days but you'll get over it in time - try and at least learn something from this experience....at least you now know that no girl is out of your league and maybe next time youll have a better chance to do something in a similar situation-by the way there WILL be a next time:D

Kell

Hendrix89 wrote:

Every time i looked at her she was looking at me and of course immediately took her eyes of me when i noticed.

Are you sure she wasnt thinking you were a mutt?

Mutts can be as distracting as thoroughbreds you know. Its like seeing a roadkill. You dont want to look, but you just cant help yourself.

K-

kjt

Kell wrote:

Are you sure she wasnt thinking you were a mutt?

Mutts can be as distracting as thoroughbreds you know. Its like seeing a roadkill. You dont want to look, but you just cant help yourself.

K-

lmao Thanks for the laugh Kell

On point.. it was a 5/6hour crush. Getting drunk over it is absolutly stupid,
even week/month long crushes aren't work drinking over. Just head out with
some friends and enjoy the good weather and I think you know yourself your
too young to be drinking.

Anyways, best of luck getting over her.

Kell

kjt wrote:

lmao Thanks for the laugh Kell

All in a days work.

K-

Miguel_Sanchez

Reminds me of Citizen Kane this post does.

Don't worry about it lad.

[begin patronising tone] you're only a young fellah there'll be loads of girls over your life so don't worry about it [end patronising tone]

Vegeta

if at first you don't succeed....you have failed

keep your chin up, remember this sh1tty feeling. Learn from it. the next time an opportunity like that arises think back to this time and use it to motivate yourself to make the right choice

LegacyUser

I'd probably go to a doctor if you end up getting drunk on your own again in the future over a complete and utter fabrication you made up in your own head.

Dudess

Hendrix89, one of the most pointless, frankly idiotic things you can do (no offence meant) is to wallow in regret. What in the name of God is the use? Regret would only be useful if you had access to a time machine.

Things are as they are. There is no going back. You have to concentrate on the now. Nothing you do can change what happened. It doesn't really seem like you missed an opportunity anyway - you seem to have tried your best to speak to her. If you had made no effort, then you would possibly have missed the opportunity. We've all gone through it. It feels sh*t but it's not serious. There are worse knocks in life. I know you don't want to hear the "there's always someone worse off than you" line but it's something you should bear in mind.
Life can be hard at your age but my God, you learn so many valuable lessons and each experience makes life that bit easier.
Remember what I said about regret. If you think to yourself, as I would have done at your age, "yeah yeah, but I want to keep going over it to get my head around it" - don't. It's pointless - completely pointless, and a waste of time.
I think the wording of cheesedude's post is a bit harsh but maybe he's right. There's a strong possibility you've built it up in your head to more than it actually is.
Finally, *catches breath* as Ruu said, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. And I firmly believe that too. Fate can sometimes be a bitch but can regularly - very regularly - work out for the best.

So, chin up, lay off the drink (ya eejit) and enjoy your life. You're only 17 - don't waste a second wallowing in regret/self-pity. Get out there and live, goddamit!!!

nedward

This is my first post on this forum, so hi all!



Now, OP, I'm about the same age as yourself, and, flip it, I've missed out on some real stunners in my time. Without being crude or vulgar, have an Allied Irish Bank and don't worry. There's a whole lot of girls out there, and if he was interested in you, surely your not ugly? Chin up, Italy's a lovely country.

Yook

Jesus Christ, they're called paragraphs!

Believe me, this sort of thing will pass, dont kick yourself over it.

LegacyUser

Trust me, you didn't 'miss an opportunity' because the 'opportunity' was just a fabrication of your imagination. You should try your best to get out there and get to know some girls your own age that you go to school with or are friends of friends, and actually try for a REAL relationship.

Hendrix89

Alright thanks for your advice everyone. Apart from the few harsh comments you guys have made me feel a bit better and think of it less. Still kickin myself but its slowly starting to become less painful (at least at the moment). Any more advice you ppl have plz post.

LegacyUser

If you think about it, my post isn't actually harsh at all...It's the reality.

hoolio

gotta agree with whats already been said. it wasnt anything, move on, live your life, go out, actually talk to real people.

you saw a nice looking girl. it happens. you really should not be getting hung up on this. you didnt even say a word to her. it wasnt ever 'a chance to be with a girl'. and this is driving you to drink? must not take much.

Grem

Ok so it sucks that you never got a chance to talk to this girl - who sounded really hot but you didnt know a thing about her! You cant seriously fancy someone so much and get so upset about someone that you have never even spoken to.

I think for your own sake you have to toughen up. What happens when you have your first relationship and you and your girl have a fight over something silly and you get depressed about it and turn to drink? Its a bad habit to start up. And by the way drinking alone is NOT GOOD.

I dont mean to be too harsh but seriously its not the end of the world. All of us see hot people every day who catch our eye but you cant go mulling over the fact that you might never see them again.

You might feel terrible right now and think you might never meet a girl as pretty but give it a month tops and you'll be wondering why you ever let this upset you so much.

Good luck anyway!

Dave!

orla wrote:

Its a crush. You will get over it in time.

I'm inclined to agree... I saw this chick on the Nitelink before, she was friends with a friend of my mate (both of which were also there). We weren't really talking (me and her), just a comment here and there, but she was quite hot. I had a girlfriend at the time, so that was that. Haven't seen the Nitelink girl since.

I forget what she looks like now

But I'm not with the girlfriend now, so one of these days......!!!

The moral of the story is...... there's plenty more shahhks in the wohhtahhh!!!

We all see hot people whom we can't have. Just jerk off about it and move on!

jrey1981

Sorry to be harsh, but if I wrote a post as long as that for every girl I lusted after, having caught their eye in an airport, on a train/plane/bus, in a pub - walking down the street for fecks sake, the keys on my computer would be worn away.

Tar.Aldarion

Hehe, get used to it OP.
It's only a hot girl that may have thought you were hot, there are more out there and if you actually did like her after meeting her, you would be torn away home and wouldn't be able to see her.


Anyway, this seeing a hot girl that you think likes you and nothing happens, a lot.
When something does happen you will be happy, she won't be on your mind at all.
I understand that you are young and crushes feel very strong, I rmember my first, oh lord, you will be ok.

eskimo

Dude I think the reason you're actually so upset is because you're so shy and not completely confident with your looks so you feel like you're missing out on so much in the dating and relationships world.

It's not missing out on that girl that has you feeling this way, it's the fact that you don't have any girl full stop. That's why you're feeling like s.hit. And you feel like it'll never change. You're frustrated and anxious.

You're at the age where you feel it's definitely high time you were out dating and stuff, but if you're not then don't be in such a hurry to get out there into the dating world. It'll happen in time and when it does you'll wonder why you expected it to be such a huge deal. Some people don't even have their first kiss until their 20's! (Not me, I'd like to add! :rolleyes: But some people lol) Don't force it. It's not a big deal at all.

So just chill, take a breather and enjoy life as it comes. It'll happen when it happens. But it will happen.

LegacyUser

I missed an opportunity with a girl I saw on the street and i saw a girl on the train and in a shop.
Its in your head nothing more.

Did you ever stop to think she was looking at you cos you kept staring at her.
Could have been a case of whats that weirdo looking at

LegacyUser

eskimo wrote:

So just chill, take a breather and enjoy life as it comes. It'll happen when it happens. But it will happen.

Well it may not...haha

^CwAzY^

Maybe u should drink sum more :rolleyes:

(that is a joke) anyway yeah this is prob gonna happen to u a million times thru life so toughen up n get used 2 it!

Hendrix89

Alright look, i did make it clear in my last post that i do not like harsh, offending comments/accusations.... Your not helping me feel better at all and how could you possibly think you are when post something clearly offending! I said what i said in my story so why cant you believe it!? I know for certain that this girl was in to me, which i made clear in my first post, i did not lie, or make this story up if thats what some of you are thinking.... Also did i say that i am a loser and have never been with a girl before?? I have been with girls before (as most boys my age have) and i wish ppl would ask me first before making accusations.... I did not direct this post at everyone as alot of you are helpful, its clear who it was expressed at. Sorry to in turn be harsh but you really have upset me....

LegacyUser

Hendrix89 wrote:

I know for certain that this girl was in to me, which i made clear in my first post,....

you didnt even talk to her but you know for certain. eh?
I'm 100% certain, you'll both be married by end of the day.

She looked at you, thats it, nothing more nothing less.

I'm sure you wont like that opinion either, but then again you can always go on another rant, because you dont like what I said.
In my opinion OP shouldnt seek advice or views if OP not ready or willing to hear them.

LegacyUser

Nobody here is calling you a loser but the fact that you've gotton so worked up about some fantasy you made up in your head suggests that you are socially anxious and definitely lack social skills. You may have "been" with a few girls before, but come on, you haven't actually had many relationships with real girls, have you?

I think you need to go out and meet new people and try to develop as a person. Not sit at home, living in your fantasy world, drinking yourself into oblivion

Kuz_3040

OMG you met this girl once had a small conversation wit her n you think that you've missed an oppurtunity damn dude you givin people our age a bad name get ur head together fool

Gordon

Kuz_3040 wrote:

get ur head together fool

Please don't post any more insults like that.

Marksie

Think about it logically.....

you were at an airport with your family
she was at an airport with her family.
What did you think was going to happen?
that everyone would turn a blind eye while you two hopped on the luggage?

what you had was a sudden rush of testosterone and it has taken common sense with it. Leaving something that was pretty close to obsession.

You really must deal with these feelings and accept it happens, it is part of growing up.

aidan24326

Dude you need to realise that you have over-reacted to this. Christ we've all missed opportunities with hot girls, believe me I've blown a chance or two myself. And you don't even know for sure if this was an opportunity, you say you know for sure she was into you but you don't really, not for certain anyway. Did she smile at you or just look with no expression? (a smile would obviously be significant).

She might have thought you were cute and felt a bit flattered that you had singled her out for attention, but there is absolutely no way to be sure she was 'into you'. I've chatted up girls once or twice who I felt fairly sure were 'into me' and it turned out that the fantasy in my head didn't entirely match the reality (or else I just frightened them off )

You have created a fantasy in your mind of what might have happened. Like I said, the reality could have been much different, so don't waste any more of your time thinking about it, the next girl who succumbs to your charms will undoubtedly help to take your mind off it!

Anyway, the lesson to be learned here is you'll never know if you don't give it a try. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Next time a girl catches your eye like that talk to her and see what happens. Just be prepared for the fact that it won't always work out like you imagined. After all this girl was in an airport with her parents, not exactly the most obvious time and place that she'd want some guy trying to hit on her.

Húrin

Hendrix89 wrote:

I have been so depressed ever since and even got really drunk by myself for the first time last night... I barely do anything anymore so ive started drinking to ease the pain i guess. I know your thinking 'Gess its only a girl who you dont even know!' i find it hard to believe to!

Oh bless! Don't worry about it boy. Many more opportunities will come up with other hot girls. Just learn from this event... act decisively in the future. Never brood for ages about approaching a girl. Easier said than done, but if you work on it, you'll get over your shyness.

LegacyUser

Im not gonna insult you or anything op, but as somebody else said, you really need to toughen up if a missed chance with 1 girl drives u into this kinda mindset, drinking to mask the pain, posting on msg boards looking for advice etc.. the reason I say u need to toughen up (mentally) is there are a lot more serious things that might happen to u in relationships as u go through life, (eg, breakups, pregnancy, miscarraige, divorce, being cheated on, death, etc) Sorry for being so negative but these things can and do happen and if you dont learn to be strong now u wont have any chance of getting through more serious circumstances in the future, hope this was of some help

Dudess

Hendrix89 wrote:

Alright look, i did make it clear in my last post that i do not like harsh, offending comments/accusations.... Your not helping me feel better at all and how could you possibly think you are when post something clearly offending! I said what i said in my story so why cant you believe it!? I know for certain that this girl was in to me, which i made clear in my first post, i did not lie, or make this story up if thats what some of you are thinking.... Also did i say that i am a loser and have never been with a girl before?? I have been with girls before (as most boys my age have) and i wish ppl would ask me first before making accusations.... I did not direct this post at everyone as alot of you are helpful, its clear who it was expressed at. Sorry to in turn be harsh but you really have upset me....

Ok, now you're starting to wallow - that won't help you either. Go back and read the helpful posts, ignore the unhelpful ones. Some of the more "harsh" ones are actually helpful because while you deserve a little sympathy, you also need to be advised to toughen up a bit and not let stuff like that grind you down. Also, just because a guy your age hasn't been with girls doesn't make him a loser - I think it's quite offensive of you to suggest that.

Theres always one of them on your flight but i think your bein a bit over-reactive.. its just giving each other the eye.

Hendrix89

I agree with you guys but i have always had low self-esteem which usually leaves me feeling down alot of the time. I tend to get very depressed for long periods of time due to what most ppl would consider small things. You guys have helped me put this current situation behind me (i thank you for that) but these kind of things affect me badly all the time. I often tend to look for things in my life that saden me and i get depressed about them. I can never seem to get myself in a good mood at all anymore and it seems to be getting worse.... I havnt been in school at all this year due to this and i may be dropping education all together. I was reluctant to say all this but i feel that i need to start getting it out and i think it helps explain to you ppl why i broke down over a thing like this. I should have mentioned all this from the start.

[Jackass]

And people say there's no such thing as love at first sight!!!

Look, you'll get many oppertunitys to join the mile high club, be patient.

Also, maybe it's best you didn't talk to her. I'm not being harsh, but infront of your mother and father and her mother and father, you'd do well to get a girls number who've you've never met before...Nothing would have happend. Sorry But that should ease your disapointment?

At least you know she was attracted to you and you should take confidence in the fact that you could get a girl like that. Just remember, whenever you're out (as in pub/club) and you see a great looking girl, remember airpot chick, if she was attracted to you, then any hot girl could be attracted to you! So walk up to her and chat to her confident of the fact she fancies you...only change your mind if you're proven wrong by her making it clear she's not. (as long as you're not a prick, there's always a chance!! And that is apposed to what most guys do by walking up to a girl and talking to her looking for signs if she fancies them, and not being as confident.)

LegacyUser

H&#250 wrote: »

Just learn from this event... act decisively in the future. Never brood for ages about approaching a girl. Easier said than done, but if you work on it, you'll get over your shyness.

hear hear...
I would never think about approaching some random person who I saw at an airport with her parents and chatting her up...
This story reminds me of a similar situation I was in for a while. It was this girl who worked in a different part of my company, I'd see her a lot of the time on the way to work too. Anyway after a lot of waves, smiles, "hello" etc from her, I was still hesitating as to what I should do... I did like her, but didn't want to look like a stalker or a freak by going up to her (I'd see her on the train a lot of the time).
Maybe she was being very friendly or maybe she did like me I dunno, it didn't go too far anyway!
It's a lot easier for girls to do this sort of thing imo.

Anyway the fact that you're only 17 were prepared to chat up some random person means you must have a good bit of confidence in yourself... other chances will come, and I'd say you will take advantage of them!

eskimo

Hendrix89 wrote:

I agree with you guys but i have always had low self-esteem which usually leaves me feeling down alot of the time. I tend to get very depressed for long periods of time due to what most ppl would consider small things. You guys have helped me put this current situation behind me (i thank you for that) but these kind of things affect me badly all the time. I often tend to look for things in my life that saden me and i get depressed about them. I can never seem to get myself in a good mood at all anymore and it seems to be getting worse.... I havnt been in school at all this year due to this and i may be dropping education all together. I was reluctant to say all this but i feel that i need to start getting it out and i think it helps explain to you ppl why i broke down over a thing like this. I should have mentioned all this from the start.

It was obvious enough from the way you reacted to such a small thing that you have more serious underlying issues going on in your head.

You can chat away here to everyone and everyone is here to listen and chat with you, give you advice and stuff etc... Don't hold back, discuss everything here, we're all here to listen.

Try not to worry so much!

spanner

Hendrix89
if it was meant to be you will come across her again,
but next time write your no. and email address on a piece of paper and hand it to her
with technology we dont need to actually talk to the opposite sex to break the ice, especially in that situation

loadabollocks

Hendrix89 wrote:

. I often tend to look for things in my life that saden me and i get depressed about them. I can never seem to get myself in a good mood at all anymore and it seems to be getting worse.... I havnt been in school at all this year due to this and i may be dropping education all together. I was reluctant to say all this but i feel that i need to start getting it out and i think it helps explain to you ppl why i broke down over a thing like this. I should have mentioned all this from the start.

i don't mean this to sound bad but you need to get some help, just someone to talk to even. Ive gone through this myself and if you dont talk to someone about it....(preferably an adult (parents are best)) it will just continue and you will be so miserable. those are symptoms of 'depression'...not just a passing phase of feeling down. depression eats you up and makes you focus on the negative and can be the loneliest place on the earth...sounds to me like you are heading for that so get some help man...do your self a favour. good luck with it.

Hendrix89

loadabollocks wrote:

i don't mean this to sound bad but you need to get some help, just someone to talk to even. Ive gone through this myself and if you dont talk to someone about it....(preferably an adult (parents are best)) it will just continue and you will be so miserable. those are symptoms of 'depression'...not just a passing phase of feeling down. depression eats you up and makes you focus on the negative and can be the loneliest place on the earth...sounds to me like you are heading for that so get some help man...do your self a favour. good luck with it.

Thanks for your concern. I appreciate the advice but its not that easy for me to get myself to talk to ppl (friends/family) about it. I guess im just afraid of the reaction ill get from them... I have talked to my parents about some problems but never actually told them im depressed (which im fairly convinced is the case) or told them any of my more serious problems. There are so many things i want so much to achieve in life but at this rate i dont think i can look forward to anything... Anyway thanks again for your support, ill let you know if i do manage to talk to someone.

SpAcEd OuT

no offence but you seem kind of stalker-ish, maybe she was just checking to see you weren't following her?

just a thought.

loadabollocks

Hendrix89 wrote:

Thanks for your concern. I appreciate the advice but its not that easy for me to get myself to talk to ppl (friends/family) about it. I guess im just afraid of the reaction ill get from them... I have talked to my parents about some problems but never actually told them im depressed (which im fairly convinced is the case) or told them any of my more serious problems. There are so many things i want so much to achieve in life but at this rate i dont think i can look forward to anything... Anyway thanks again for your support, ill let you know if i do manage to talk to someone.

You have to. its not something that goes away too easily. It started with me when i was about your age it ate me up for years. Sure, i had good times but it was always there underneath and didnt take much to spark it off. my advice would be to tackle it now before it takes years away from you. I dont want to scare you but you hear of a lot of suicides these days and its because of this kind of thing. People dont tell anyone aout their problems, they just bottle it up inside....recipe for disaster. even talk to the samaritans or a local doctor. nobody has to know you are talking to anyone. just make sure you do it or things will only get worse, trust me.