Can you consciously change your attitude to life?

Faith

This is inspired by the "positive attitide" thread in AH. I started a thread in here though because I want a more intelligent response.

Do you think that you can consciously change your attitude to life, and become a more positive person? Do you think that your attitude is inherent, or learned? I mean, can you wake up one day and say "I'm going to be a happier person from now on"?

Dirk Gently

I think people attitudes are mostly governed by the environment they find themselves in, that’s not to say people can’t change within themselves but it does require a certain amount of critical thinking or philosophising on the part of the individual. Sadly, for want of a better word, a lot of people are lazy in so far as they allow external stimuli to dictate their own outlook on life.

I strongly believe that people have it within themselves to completely change their outlook and attitudes but things like peer pressure, culture, media, commonly held attitudes in society generally and economic circumstances can in a lot of cases dictate the individuals responses. Without getting too arty farty about it I think critical thinking applied to yourself and your environment is a basic source of enlightenment that a lot of people are capable of reaching but again for want of a better word are too lazy or at least not encouraged to do.

growler

sure you can but it's not easy

takola

growler wrote:

sure you can but it's not easy

Agreed. I think you can make a decision like that straight off, But it will take time to feel the effects. Tbh, If you aren't happy anyway then there's a problem. That needs to be found. You aren't going to just become happy. You have to work at making yourself that way. And it is hard! But i think you have to work for anything that's worth it really.

Goodshape

clown bag wrote:

I think people attitudes are mostly governed by the environment they find themselves in, that’s not to say people can’t change within themselves but it does require a certain amount of critical thinking or philosophising on the part of the individual. Sadly, for want of a better word, a lot of people are lazy in so far as they allow external stimuli to dictate their own outlook on life.

I strongly believe that people have it within themselves to completely change their outlook and attitudes but things like peer pressure, culture, media, commonly held attitudes in society generally and economic circumstances can in a lot of cases dictate the individuals responses. Without getting too arty farty about it I think critical thinking applied to yourself and your environment is a basic source of enlightenment that a lot of people are capable of reaching but again for want of a better word are too lazy or at least not encouraged to do.

Quoted for truth; Nail on the head, etc.

I'm not too sure I've got the language to write what I actually think about this intelegently but I'll give it a go anyway.

Going on from what Clown Bag was saying.. I think to drastically change your attitudes and outlook on life, you'll enevitably have to change (or find changing as a consequence) the physical things and day to day activities of your life itself. When something like peer, economic or social pressure is identified (as being such and not, in fact, something you actually like in yourself) you then, I think obviously, have the ability to use free will and denounce the pressure - start living life the way you want.

As Clown Bag said though, it can be extremely difficult to back down from this pressure and often you'll find that so much of what you 'are' is a manifestation of these things you want rid of.

You've always wanted to give up the nine-to-five, the booze culture, the city life to learn the guitar and start busking your way across the world? Well, there's the door.. nothing stopping you. But your friends aren't interested.. you're going to have to make new ones, can you handle that? at your age? with that skin completion?... your family won't be happy; your parents will be very 'unimpressed'... and what about money? busking?! really? are you sure? that's that stupid hippie ****.. it doesn't work like that in the real world.. you're just being stupid now.

...as in the example above, it's entirely possible, just not very easy.

18AD

Faith wrote:

I mean, can you wake up one day and say "I'm going to be a happier person from now on"?

Obviously it's not as easy as that. You have to find the things that bring you down and work out a way to change it for the better. Even in the process of doing this you'll be working towards a goal and it will in turn make you happier because in your head it's kind of already real.. Then when you reach your goal find other things to change. Of course it takes a long while to change one or two things, but time isn't effort so you may aswell.

Usually important occasions are good times to make changes. For instance change your look if you're going on holidays or if you have an insightful moment try and explain it in a way you normally wouldn't. The potential is obviously there as many major events change your character, usually for the worse, like the death of someone close or a bad accident. You just have to reverse the process.

turbot

OP,

Yes, provided you use your conscious free will to engage in activities that are life changing experiences.

If you think you can use will power alone to think your way out of it, it's possible, although it's more likely to be effective if you have a knack for reprogramming yourself.

A few ways that make it easier are:
- Using NLP + Hypnosis
- Changing your diet, especially including balancing your blood sugar
- Making sure you breathe properly and are optimally oxygenated
- Exercising and stretching regularly
- Changing the people you hang out with


Many people find going on spiritual journeys effective also. Recent studies published on magic mushrooms indicated many people said taken right, the spiritual effects enhanced their attitude towards life.

A great book governing changing your thought processes is called "Prometheus Rising" by Robert Anton Wilson.

Goodshape

turbot wrote:

A great book governing changing your thought processes is called "Prometheus Rising" by Robert Anton Wilson.

One of my all time favorite books.

18AD

turbot wrote:

A great book governing changing your thought processes is called "Prometheus Rising" by Robert Anton Wilson.

A truely excellent read.
To quote:
"The Future exists first in imagination, then in will, then in reality."

"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true." - John Lilly

Sleepy

Isn't this just really a form of self-delusion? One can't genuinely be happier because they've decided "I'm going to be happier person from now on?", they can act as if they're happier, they can ignore the negative things in their life but at the end of it all, they're just lying to themselves and I think this can only lead to problems later on.

Part of what's wrong with so many Americans if you ask me...

18AD

I don't think pretending that things don't bother you is the right way of going about changing your outlook. Anyone can pretend to be happy at any moment but to truely be happy takes a long time if you have problems with day to day life. For small attitude changes you have to look at things in a different way.

For instance someone who enjoys pain as pleasure, are they kidding themselves? Do they really enjoy the pain? Good acting? This is seen as abnormal as most people don't but shows that the mind has the potential to change the way you perceive almost everything.

Archeron

For myself, I like to think that it is possible, albeit a long long road.

I used to have a much darker outlook on life generally, as I felt in the past that I'd been dealt a bad hand. Without going into details, but it involved my own low self esteem, a history of illness and in my family, and phsyical disability in my family.

Over time, I came to appreciate more and more the good things that in my life, and think less about the bad, which I do find increases my positive attitude. That rubs off on other people in my family as well.

I've come to the realization that the media is probably what puts me on a downer more than anything else. Between the utter drivel that poses as entertainment today (love island anyone?) to the actual news itself which shows us, in its own biased ways, the utter horror that is happening around the world. For this reason, I try to avoid TV as much as possible. I do keep up to date with current affairs as much as I can, but recent global events makes me think more and more that ignorance is certainly bliss. Sadly for those who are suffering at the hands of others, my bliss is their hell, and this is the only reason I continue to have an interest. It makes me sad to see what happens, but I believe its important to be able to make an informed decision.

The more I learn about humanity generally, (and this applies to some threads that have appeared on Boards as well) the more I despair about how people feel towards their fellow man. I try not to take things to heart, but we all know how difficult that can be sometimes. Most times I shrug my shoulders and ask what can you do. I think that that is a selfish attitude, but then again, trying to change other peoples opionions to suit your own outlook is self serving too, not to mention most times utterly pointless.

Generally, when I find something in my own personal life is getting me down, I try to put it into context as in, well what sort of situation would you have if you had this problem AND you were in Somalia. It helps a little. Right now, my own mum is unable to walk, and her disabilies are getting worse. However, we do have good help from local health boards, we have a good family to look after her, so things could be so much worse.

Then mankind goes and f*cks it all up by going off to bomb a country/poison a water supply/blow up civilians etc etc etc.

Its a constant battle really, but overall I's say yes, I can change my overall outlook to a happier one.

Kell

Sleepy wrote:

Isn't this just really a form of self-delusion?

Which bit?

Of course it is possible to completely change your outlook on life, but that does not imply you are going to be automatically happier for it. Proper evaluation of yourself correctly puts into perspective what you can and cant control. Armed with this you realise that you have a choice when it comes to everything. Instead of your actions being dictated by emotion or peers you can coldly go "do I HAVE to follow x route when I know I could do y".

So many people worry and get themselves into a knot trying to figure out something they have no control over like "does this person like me, does that person loathe me, will I offend that person if I.....". Once you figure out you have no control over what other people think or do, you quit worrying about it instantly removing some of the biggest stresses in your life. Your mantra becomes "just do it" because you are not responsible for other peoples reactions.

To revert for a moment- does this make you any happier? I dont know. Being self aware often brings with it a lot of reflection, digesting this that and the other. The objective, I think, is that this reasoning part happens so quickly at some point and higher level, that you will always wind up with the right decision for you without having to go through the long process of working things out. Gut feeling if you like. Listening to your gut is awful hard because you have a brain in the way but, if your gut is that higher level of consciousness that has worked out all the pro's and cons in the blink of an eye, how could it be wrong? I know my gut has saved me from several psychopaths recently but I have yet to give it all up and become a hippie.


As for change of attitude = greater happiness- jury out.

K-

Samos

It just so happens that I was reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau last night, in which he describes his efforts (150 years ago) to build for himself a modest house in the woods and live by his own devices. One line in particular stands out:

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor."

I immediately knew that he was right: the only person who can change your live for the better (or worse) is yourself. The environment and others may impose upon you, but it is you who chooses how to respond, and you in turn can affect others positively. If you decide to be unhappy, you will be. But it is just as possible to decide to be happy. This is undoubtedly more difficult. We are prone to look negatively on things, and play down our capabilities. We should stop waiting for a superman, or a god, or some special person to come along and makes things magically better.

You must decide now to take the path that will make you happier.

turbot

Self delusion may be useful, and is not neccessarily bad. It's just a way of harnessing subjectivity to work for you more.

If you're really hung over, you'll see the world different, to if you're really high, to if you're super energised after a health holiday or achievement.
If you're depressed, it doesn't always make sense to do stuff that creates a better reality, albeit subjectively. Here is where delusion can be useful:

Now I offer a proof:

Depressed person deludes himself into thinking his life can be better, without any evidence.

Based upon this delusion, he writes plans of how he could make his life better, and takes positive action, and does so thoroughly

The fruits of this positive action create real experiences, that are true for him. This constitutes evidence.

He keeps moving forward, and uses these real experiences to delude himself into beilieving life can be way better than what made sense in his depressed state. He takes more positive action, in the (deluded) mindset of being open to his world being better.

Once again, the fruits of his actions lead to real experiences, even better than before. He gathers more evidence.

Several of these real experiences help fuel a generalisation that the world is a good place to be, and life can be fun.

The delusion represented a consciously orchestrated change in perspective that gave him a reason to take action. The real experiences that resulted from acting on his delusions, were useful.

In conclusion, delusions need to be used carefully, and when done so to enable action, can lead to better living overall.

ST*

Faith wrote:

This is inspired by the "positive attitide" thread in AH. I started a thread in here though because I want a more intelligent response.

Do you think that you can consciously change your attitude to life, and become a more positive person? Do you think that your attitude is inherent, or learned? I mean, can you wake up one day and say "I'm going to be a happier person from now on"?

It is, without a doubt a learned attitude. Having a more positive attitude will allow you to strive for what you want. It is quite simple really. If you don't have a positive attitude, and are inclined to say to yourself 'ah sure I'll never make it' / 'I know I'll fail, so why bother' attitude - then you will never know, or get far imo.

Incidently, I didn't reply to the other thread either because it was full of shite.

Goodshape

Goodshape wrote:

One of my all time favorite books.

Ditto. Another great book is "Undoing Yourself with Energised Meditation & other Devices" by Christopher S Hyatt.

Also great site is www.essential-skills.com (Tom Vincini & Kim McFarland). Some great products regarding rapport, anchoring and such. However their best product is soemthing called 3dMind, which is aimed towards removing ceratin phobia's or aspects of your life you're not happy with. Based on NLP.

Personally I use a fair amount of NLP, meditation, energised breathing exercises, visualisations, and short trance work. Haven't done much hypnosis as yet.

I got into this from the Speed Seduction community (Ross Jeffries not PUA) about 4 years ago, and my life style has changed hugely.

So yes, you can consciously change your life, however tapping into your subconscious works wonders also.

cue

I have an attitude to life which at times is not very helpful to me and for a very long time it dictated how I traveled through life. I dunno whether I learned it or whether it is inherent and have given up wondering about it. One day I woke up and I realised this. Today my attitude is pretty much the same. My initial reactions still follow the same pattern. However, the difference today is that I no longer attach the same importance to my attitude. A general principle for me is "You cannot think your way into a new way of life. Instead, live your way into a new way of thinking".

Dudess

OP, I think you definitely can but it takes work and retraining your thinking. Certainly not an overnight thing. I think age has a lot to do with it too - the older you get, the more philosophical you become (in a lot of cases anyway).

luckat

Our attitudes change radically as we go through life. Many people start out as frightened, depressed people and gradually learn to relax - and vice versa.

Feelings are a behaviour, and like all behaviours they're influenced by the reinforcements around them.

I guarantee you that if you go to live in Zimbabwe for the next two years, you'll come away a nervy, edgy person, because everyone around you is on edge all the time, to give you a frinstance.

Dudess

Dudess wrote:

OP, I think you definitely can but it takes work and retraining your thinking. Certainly not an overnight thing. I think age has a lot to do with it too - the older you get, the more philosophical you become (in a lot of cases anyway).

Aye. Its best to change in stages. Many people look at change and think they ahve to do something drastic. So they do the great heroic. They pick something so huge and "try" to do it. Unfortuently there's two problems with that. We find it hard to chart the progression of change in something huge, so its hard to validate it. And secondly "Language structures consciousness" so words like "try" or "can't" give a person an excuse to fail. A get out of jail card. So practice not using them. Its not that hard after a short while.

For myself, I break everything into manageable steps. A progression of stages, where I can look back and realise how far I've come. And its easier to step onto the next phase. Also as Yoda says "there is no try, only do". So I do it. Most of the time. Sometimes I take a step backwards, but mostly I'm stepping forwards. And I can look behind and see the hurdles like my fear of heights disappear, or a fear of speaking to large numbers.

The last thing would be don't punish yourself over those steps backwards. Afterall you're doing these changes for yourself, so you're not disappointing anyone, but yourself. Just be confident in your ability to change.

Afterall as children we learnt how to behave in multiple societies, and then into school, then college, then work, marriage etc. We change all the time. Once you accept that, it easier to enact change in yourself.