Friends Sister - Is she off limits

LegacyUser

In general, is a friends sister off limits.

Here is my situation, a good friend of mine, I wouldn't say great friend, but we drink together every now and again and hang around in the same circles, well he has a sister, who everyone agrees is really hot.

Thing is I get on with her really well and have an idea that she may fancy me aswell(all d usual signals). Would it be inappropriate to make a move, should I talk to him first.

I guess im just looking for general opinions, is she a no go or what??

Silverfish

I wouldn't think so, no.

Us wimmin have the vote now, apparently, so I think this 'Oh I should check with her brother if its okay' is very outdated. So, don't. Get in there.

Oh wait, unless you have a nasty breakup and he's forced to take sides, which could be awkward, I'm reliably informed.

LegacyUser

i'd say clear it with him first.

if anything did come of it, he'd appriciate that you said somthing first.

if there's a big age gap, and it's his younger sister, then it could be an issue though.

unnameduser

Hmmm usually i would say she is not off limits but when someone went off with my sis i was at all happy!

event

meh

im with my girlfriend for 2 years now, she is the younger sister of a friend

didnt say anything to him first, his girlfriend at the time set us up. thats how i knew him, i was mates with his then girlfriend(if you follow) but id known him for years and am still good mates.

he's never had a problem with it

depends on the guy

Fanny Cradock

stp wrote:

i'd say clear it with him first.

i'd say clear it with her first.

if you ask the bro and then it transpires that she has no interest you could appear quite the fool! forget him... it's her life.

Vegeta

got to be careful here, if you say it to the brother before you get with the girl, she may think you are very cocky/over confident and you never get with her

so i'd test the waters with her, i.e. the first time you go out together or something then tell him that you really like his sister (i.e. your not just trying to sink the pink) and how does he feel about the two of you seeing each other.

EDIT but seal the deal with her first

Beruthiel

stp wrote:

i'd say clear it with him first..

erm no.
Say I was this girl and the bloke I fancied asked my brother if he could go out with me and my brother said no.
Say I found this out later when it was too late - there would be war and the brother would most likely be killed for getting in my business.
Do not ask the brother, we're not living in the dark ages anymore.

6th

I married a friends sister ..... obviously i dated her first

Oryx

I was a 'friends sister'. My bro got the serious hump about it for a while. Caused no end of friction for me and the guy, but eventually sorted itself out after about a year. Bear in mind if you do go out with her and then split, chances are you will see her a bit after if you stay in touch with your mate.

masterK

6th wrote:

I married a friends sister ..... obviously i dated her first

Me too. Just ask the girl out. In my situation her brother was happy she was going out with somebody he knew and trusted so I wouldn't worry about him.

thewing

KatieK/MasterK - any connection !

Oryx

thewing wrote:

KatieK/MasterK - any connection !

Nope!

LegacyUser

you see it is a complicated issue.

yes it would be better to make sure something will actually happen between me and the girl before asking him, but what if he finds out before I get to ask him and goes all protective on my ass, would hate to lose him as a friend, it would end up with mutual friends picking sides and all kinds of weird stuff.

on the other hand asking him first looks pretty bad for me if nothing happens between us in the end or also if there is a chance something could happen she might just think I am being very presumptuous(cant spell).

She is a younger sister but there is no more than two years in it. should I just forget about it,thing is I really like her and we get on really well.

Beruthiel

He who dares,
wins

Oryx

youdontknowme wrote:

you see it is a complicated issue.

yes it would be better to make sure something will actually happen between me and the girl before asking him, but what if he finds out before I get to ask him and goes all protective on my ass, would hate to lose him as a friend, it would end up with mutual friends picking sides and all kinds of weird stuff.

on the other hand asking him first looks pretty bad for me if nothing happens between us in the end or also if there is a chance something could happen she might just think I am being very presumptuous(cant spell).

She is a younger sister but there is no more than two years in it. should I just forget about it,thing is I really like her and we get on really well.

For what its worth, when I was a teenager, any of my brothers mates who wanted to go out with me, usually asked my bro's first. Two reasons. One, to find out if my brothers objected, two, to see if theyd be in with a chance.:D My brothers would quietly say it to me, ha. It actually only happened a few times and all but one I blew out. And Im married to him.:)

Edit: My bro got the hump because he felt I was taking his mate, not that his mate was messing with little sis!

ron.dolan

Go for it brother, I wouldnt ask anyone but her if things were OK? She's her own person and irrespective of what her brother may think, its her life.

However, understand that he will be naturally protective of her, thats more societies fault than his whereby brothers think they have to 'protect' their sisters.

I know I can get a bit protective of my little sis who is actually 27 and can look after herself I'm sure, but then I also get protective of my little bro too who is only 18?

If you both want it, go for it!

theTinker

serious feelings(long time, not strong flavour of the month) and ur friend is important :
I think she is not offlimits unless the brother says so, which means u must ask him imo. no female need protection thing, just think its decency before messing with a friends life. i would not go and paint his fence without asking no matter how much i was tempted. i would suspect most friends would say yes but you be VERY careful how/why u break up if u do, dont do anything stupid.

not a good friend(regardless of serious or not feelings):
if he was just sum "hey in the street" i wouldnt bother asking even and just go for it.

not serious and good friend:
If he is a decent friend i would prolly try and just drop it. a break up which is far more likely than u being together the rest of ur lives could wreck ur friendship, i hold friends in a high regard when it comes to dating.

girls come and go, its friends that stay u whinge to after.

Zapho

I'd so go for it man. I understand that friend should come first, but to be honest, I really wouldn't mind if my best friend had the hots for my sister (has happened before).

Chucky the tree

KatieK wrote:

but one I blew out

Should that not be off?



anyway...


To Op.
Ask the brother. No offence to the females posting here saying he should just go for it. This is on of those unwritten rules that guys should really follow.

If you ask him first he will be pleased that you asked him, and will probaly think you are more serious about her. If however you go around his back he will think you are being sneaky and just trying to get into her pants.

Also put yourself in his position. If you had a younger sister and would of your mates liked her what would you want him to do?

a) ask you if it was alright.
say nothing and try and get stuck in behind your back.


Certainly know which i would pick.

Devious

Ever seen Scarface, lads?

Black Swan

Depends. One size shoe does not fit all. Everyone is different. Your drinking buddy is not the same as all drinking buddies. His sis is not a clone of all buddies' sisters. If you two fancy each other, I would ease into the relationship with her. It's never good to rush into relationships no matter what the circumstances. Then, over a brew, you might mention to your drinking buddy that you fancy his sister. If he gives you a bad time that cannot be resolved, well, he really wasn't much of a buddy afterall. And yes, if this happens, it could pose problems later, but life is always full of these risks. Just do the best you can to sort them out as they occur.

Lust4Life

I had a major humongous crush on my older brother's friend all through school. He did the old fashioned thing and did ask my brother if he minded. Well, my bro told him he did mind!
However.... once I was 18 and Bro was out on his own, the friend and I had a very steamy 2 year romance! No regrets!

So my answer would be - do you want to wait? Or do you want her now?

L4L