need relationship advice, am I too sensitive?

miss_gonzo

Ive been dating my boyfriend since March of this year and we only recently started to have sex.

Ever since then, I can't shake this feeling that he's acting different. But, I doubt these feelings, wondering if its just me being over sensitive and becoming clingy because of sex.


I should say that he was my first. And, losing my viriginty wasnt that big of a deal at the time, I wanted to sleep with him...but, now I feel like its made me more sensitive to what he says and how he behaves.

When we first started dating, we really joked around a lot...we both enjoyed playful banter but balanced it out with flirting and being romantic when necessary.

But now, all he does is kid around with me...joking that he should break up with me, or asking how anyone can stand me for so long...I joke back, and try to be serious but he just keeps at it. At one point, I showed how sensitive I was to them and he said I was acting "weird"

Anyways, Im not sure what to do. I DONT want to be the clingy/emotional/needy girlfriend...but, it sure as hell feels like I am. I miss our banter which used to be balanced out with telling eachother how much we liked one another.


Do I approach him again about it? Or just trust that he still loves me and that I need to stop being sensitive?

I should also add that Im worried our relationship is becoming purely physical, rather than a focus on something deeper. Last time I saw him, we ****ed like crazy all weekend and, when I see him again in a few weeks, I know that's what we'll end up doing.

Little-Devil

If your having doubts about the relationship then you should confront him and ask him is everything ok between you. I'm not sure how old you both are, but maybe he isn't mature enough to have a sexual relationship. The relationship has also moved forward for both of you and its a new experience.

There could also be an easy explanation that he may be having personal problems or problems at home he may be embarrassed to discuss or talk about.

miss_gonzo

Little-Devil wrote:

If your having doubts about the relationship then you should confront him and ask him is everything ok between you. I'm not sure how old you both are, but maybe he isn't mature enough to have a sexual relationship. The relationship has also moved forward for both of you and its a new experience.

There could also be an easy explanation that he may be having personal problems or problems at home he may be embarrassed to discuss or talk about.

Im 21, he's 22.


I already tried approaching him about it, and thats when he said I was being "Weird"

Im really afraid that Im going to drive him away by saying Ive got a problem with the banter. I wouldnt mind it if he just added in a few nice things here and there.

The Sweeper

So your boyfriend spends all his time slagging you off?

That's got to get dull after a while! Point this fact out to him. You'll never feel better keeping schtum.

Sony

I think youre being a little paranoid since you first slept together,maybe being a little afraid that it had changed things between you

But while reading that post I must be honest , being a bloke myself- something told me everything was not right with his behaviour

Please dont take much from what Ive just said as I might be way off with it - Afterall I know very little about you both or the situation

theTinker

before making an 'issue' out of it, i would think the smart thing(i miss stuff like this when IM the one having the issue) would be to try fizzle it out by starting sum banter urself, and not jumping straight into the hay when u see him, like he most likely expects to get sum at the end of the day which is fine imo but dont let it get started early and do sum of the banter stuff u talked about. u could try suggest he do sumthing romantic(u pick sumthing that he could do and then say u wish 'sumbody' would do it ) worked on me.
i went through a stage of a bit of slaggin my girlfriend, it comes and goes, ive noticed i tend to do it when i want sum attention(always gets it) but not making it all serious by saying sumthing "deep"
he may not even of noticed things have changed.

Sony

Feck it I wasnt going to say this but I remember in the past using a similar "youre being weird" ploy when a girl started to get a little serious with me - If he really loved and cared for you he should have reassured you when you got a little sensitive with him - so I say you confront him straight out about it if you think he's acting strange in anyway towards you in future

Laura Fitz06

good god girl get some respect for your self he got what he wanted and now he treats you like dirth and you ask for more .... do you think he is better than you right he was your first but think of it as practise

Little-Devil

I could understand if there was banter at the begging of the relationship, it’s always a good one to break the ice and get comfortable with each other. I think you are looking for more out this relationship then just a physical / sexual one and that maybe that’s all your boyfriend wants. (Im not trying to be cruel here)

I think your old to sit him down and tell how you feel and see what he has to say, just don't take No for answer and if he starts with the banter and slaging, then maybe he's not mature enough for a sexual relationship? As I previously said maybe you both want different things at the moment from this relationship

miss_gonzo

this thread is confusing me even more now



thanks for everyones advice. Im still utterly confused.


Im trying to be patient...and trying to trust that he feels the same way about me. But, I still wonder why he isnt as sweet with me anymore. I'm gonna give it some time....we have a long distance relationship for the time being. I see him mid August and, if he continues to slag me, maybe I should break up with him.


Like someone suggested above, maybe its nothing...maybe he doesnt even notice he's acting different. I dont want to cause a big fuss over something that will blow over soon enough.

Caryatnid

Miss Gonzo. IMO you shouldn't be having sex with someone you are not comfortable with -
i.e. comfortable with how they act
and comfortable to express how you feel.

Some people can have sex without feelings, I don't think you are the type of person who can.

miss_gonzo

Caryatnid wrote:

Miss Gonzo. IMO you shouldn't be having sex with someone you are not comfortable with -
i.e. comfortable with how they act
and comfortable to express how you feel.

Some people can have sex without feelings, I don't think you are the type of person who can.

well, I wasnt completely comfortable but, it was my first time, and I figure that gaining that comfort is going to come with time and trust. Im becoming more and more comfortable with him (physically) and trying to do the same with how he acts. I just figure its going to be a process-with highs and lows.

Black Swan

miss_gonzo wrote:

Ive been dating my boyfriend since March of this year and we only recently started to have sex.

March? It takes a long time to develop a meaningful relationship.

I should say that he was my first. And, losing my viriginty wasnt that big of a deal at the time, I wanted to sleep with him...but, now I feel like its made me more sensitive to what he says and how he behaves.

You will remember the first time for the rest of your life. I think it was a big deal for you, and that's why you are "more sensitive."

I DONT want to be the clingy/emotional/needy girlfriend...but, it sure as hell feels like I am.

I think you answered your own question here. Don't scare him off.

I miss our banter which used to be balanced out with telling eachother how much we liked one another.

Try to recapture this. Be playful. We are all kids inside.:D

I should also add that Im worried our relationship is becoming purely physical, rather than a focus on something deeper. Last time I saw him, we ****ed like crazy all weekend and, when I see him again in a few weeks, I know that's what we'll end up doing.

Maybe include a little sexual banter, too? Humour and sex can fit together.;)

justsomebloke

miss_gonzo wrote:

Ever since then, I can't shake this feeling that he's acting different. B

When we first started dating, we really joked around a lot...we both enjoyed playful banter but balanced it out with flirting and being romantic when necessary.

are you sure you're not the one who has changed. You said yourself yous only flirted and were romantic when necessary, so now your boyfriend is still going on with this but now feels that it isn't necessary to be romantic anymore. However you are looking for more of a romantic and deep relationship

greys

miss,

I think you both have changed and it doesn't necessarily mean anything negative just yet. You're probably right to wait till mid August and see how the guy behaves.

I think the real difference is that he was the first man in your life sexually. No matter how casual you try to feel about losing your virginity, it still is an ultimate act of intimacy and trust. I guess you expected it to be a turning point in many ways, but all it seems to have done so far is boosted the physical side of your relationships. But that's absolutely normal! You both got what you wanted, and you now enjoy getting more and more of it. There is nothing wrong!

If it was a couple of occasional jokes, you should be fine. From your words it doesn't seem like the guy treats you like dirt. How do you feel about? What kind of difference do you notice in his jokes? Like, what were you two joking about before? It could be that he's still being the usual himself, and you really have started taking everything way too seriously. Do you think this could be the case?

Don't panic! Don't feel vulnerable or afraid of pushing the guy away. Like others said here, if he cares about you he will change even if it's all about you and not him. He will listen to you and be more careful when he realises the same old jokes hurt you so much now.

Wish you two all the best!

miss_gonzo

thanks everyone for your input


greys, thanks for the reassurance

Im not used to having a sexual relationship with a man, so this is all new to me. Im only now realising I can enjoy it and not be so uptight about the implications because I trust that he's not going to go running out on me.


As for the jokes, I feel kind of embarassed making a big deal about them. It was exactly that...I was taking them seriously when he was just doing what we always used to do.

He proved to me last night that he still loves me and wants to make this relationship work. Now, I feel like the idiot who doubted his feelings.



I WAS feeling very vulnerable, as you put it, but its allll good now. Its all about the trust and we've got that now

greys

Glad for you, miss! Be happy