Problem with GF

LegacyUser

Hey everybody,

I'm from the Cork and I've been seeing rather regularly a girl from Belfast - she comes down quite often and I would visit her aswell. Everything I thought was going great. However, she was in a longterm relationship before me and while in that relationship she was also seeing another guy - let's call him Brian. Now her and Brian have always been close - really good friends she always said and I believe her that nothing is going on between them anymore.

What worries me is that she has never ever told Brian about seeing me, she just tells him that she has friends in Cork because she doesn't want to hurt him she says and I went along with it for the last few months as it wasn't really any of my business.

A few weeks ago though Brian texted her and said he heard from her friends that she was seeing a guy from Cork. He asked her why she hadn't told him and that if she's found someone that he's delighted for her and hopes that I'm a nice guy. I thought this is great and that there need be no more secrets but I'm after finding out (she doesn't know this) that my GF told him that she wasn't seeing anybody from Cork, that she was only meeting a guy briefly about six months ago!!

So my questions are :

1. Why do you think she would lie to him? Could it be because she thinks she'll still hurt him? I suppose he could be just being the bigger man and wishing her well and it might be really hurting him inside but he's decided not to say anything.

2. Does she want to keep him as 'back-up' perhaps?

3. Can anyone think of any other reason why she'd not tell him? Maybe she just feels it's none of his business?

4. Am I being an eejit by not telling her to tell everyone we're together or is that going too far?

5. Am I being a complete eejit and she's still seeing him though I've heard no evidence of it:(

LadyJ

Who knows!?!

If this is really bothering you then tell her so.

I'm starting to think that no one seems to actually talk to their partners anymore! That's where the answers lie.

Personally,I'd be suspicious,but perhaps this is all fairly innocent. I wouldn't know,as it's hard to say when I don't know the girl.

It's ultimately her decision who she tells about you but,if I was going out with someone who was denying that they were with me then I'd probably be a bit pissed off.

However,just have a discussion with her already! It's the only way to deal with the issue.

AngryBadger

Maybe the horse knows?









No but seriously, sorry, there may be nothing sinister behind this, she could honestly have just been afraid that he'd get hurt because she didn't tell him herself...and so....y'know....she lied to him instead....makes a crazy kind of sense....

Seriously, it might be totally innocent, but if it were me I'd be thinking "what difference does it make if he knows she's with me, unless she's just using me as a back-up until he comes around?"

Then again I'm the cynical type

GAAman

When i started readin your story the first thought was that maybe she still wants this brian lad and the fact that they were somethin before adds to that

On second thought maybe she felt weird talkin to him bout bein with another guy (you said she was with someone else did she talk much to brian bout this other guy?)

Third thought was what if she is seein someone closer to home and brian knows bout it and she doesnt wanna seem slapperish?

All in all man i would say it to her. If you mean anythin to her she will be truthful

All the best with it man hope it goes well for you

LegacyUser

I'm going through the same thing at the moment except i'm the female involved.

I'm having a long distance relationship for the past 6 months and there is a guy who i'm in college with that i'm really close with. I got sent a wrong text from him one day and discovered he likes me as more than friends. I used to feel the same way for him so when i started seeing my boyfriend i would lie and say i'm going away with the 'girls'.

It is totally innocent i'm really happy and have no intentions of having this guy as more than just friends. Why i don't tell him about my boyfriend i don't know we just don't talk about being with anyone and i would feel weird coming out with it.

This totally frustrates my boyfriend when i'm texting this other guy and hurts him. I can understand were he is coming from but can't change the way things are. (or more i can but don't want to, i don't see a problem)

So basically what i'm trying to say is that the situations are similar and that I don't think you have anything to worry about - like you said you trust her.

Perhaps the reason she didn't tell him when he asked her was she seeing someone is that she didn't want to admit she had lied to him.

Laslo

I'd have broken up with her by now, to be honest. She obviously can't be trusted.

Ruu_Old

I don't see why she would lie about the status of her relationship to anyone unless shes embarrassed about it or something. You mentioned that her friend Brian might be upset about her seeing someone else (you) but what about your feelings? Time for a serious chat with her until you make any decisions and best of luck.

Black Swan

Caution: Third party information is not always accurate. The couple needs to get together and talk about these concerns.