Where is she...

eyes_alive

Hey everyone,

Ok, it's pretty late on a friday night and I'm posting my first post on Boards!

I've have a few drinks so i'll get right to the point.

I've just turned 26, and I still haven't found that right girl... I feel so low sometimes because for some reason I feel that I have so much love to give to that special person but just can't find her and it's really starting to get me down... I'm in that place were you start looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning and try and get lost in yourself with these thoughts....

Sometimes I feels really bad bad that I don't have someone just to smile at and say " I think you are Brilliant and I'm with you..."... Sometimes I feel that there is something wrong with me... but that doesnt last long... maybe about 5 mins every few days... but I Know that this is untrue as I have good friends and always have and if i was a bad person or a weirdo I wouldn't have the social life that I do which is pretty good... I'm never stuck for a night out out at the weekends... my friends and I are mostly musicians and love live music so we go and check out as many different bands and venues as we can... but the problem is...

I see a really good friend of mine 100% in love with a beautiful girl.. I see them share the glances.. the smiles.. the hugs.. and I am so happy for both of them that they have met each other... the only thing is when I see them, It always leaves me with a longing feeling for that right girl to come into my life...

I know this probably sounds all doom and gloom but I always prep myself up with the facts with prove to myself that I am a very lucky guy... I'm back in college studying this september... I left the country 3 times this year so far on holidays and I've been with 2 very beautiful girls this year alone..

One of which I could have fallen totally in love with.. the only problem is that she is from poland and we did not have more that a week together but I left her in tears and I wasn't far from them myself... the other girl I met in my local... (which was a miricle as this never happens!) and ended with being with each other for over 10 weeks and they were great but we just wanted different things out of life so we parted... I still miss her but I know it was the right thing to do...

So I'm on a thin line of sadness and being grateful for everything that has happened by still my heart is sinking as I right this... I just want to fall in love and for her to be happy with life and with me... Where do I go from here? What should I think?... What should I do?...

Thanks for you advice..
Eyes alive...

Ruu_Old

I wouldn't worry too much there, OP. You said yourself that you had two relationships this year with two wonderful ladies, you are very lucky to have that. These two relationships you were in, you had no control over how they ended and thats just the way it is unfortunately. Are you saying you want to get back with the girl in your previous relationship? When you start college again maybe you will find someone, who knows, but there is definately nothing wrong with you. Where do I go from here you asked, well I would just stick at what you are doing and you will find the right one because theres someone out there looking for the love and care that you have to offer, shes looking for you also. Best of luck anyway.

Marksie

I would concur with Ruu, your two realtionships in the last year ended because of unavoidable circumstances and a difference in needs.
So its obvious that you are not lacking in social skills to talk to and attract a partner.
that said, i would advise that you don't rush into the first one just because you are fightened of being left on the shelf. Its importnat to recognise that, if you want a permanent relationship, things WILL change over time between the two of you.
IMO it is more important to find someone who you truly bond with, who DOES want the same thing now, but with whom your communication is such that, as your needs and self develops, they will develop with you, move closer and not farther apart as both of your characters evolve.
however, there WILL DEFINITELY be someone out there who wants what you are so generously offering.

Black Swan

Sounds like a temporary low? You did date two this year. Of course, maybe you would like to try something more lasting? Seems that doing your gigs you would encounter many prospects?:D

dazberry

eyes_alive wrote:

I've just turned 26, and I still haven't found that right girl... I feel so low sometimes because for some reason I feel that I have so much love to give to that special person but just can't find her and it's really starting to get me down... I'm in that place were you start looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning and try and get lost in yourself with these thoughts....

I was 35 yesterday (happy birthday me ) and I still haven't found the right girl. Now there is the train of thought that at my age I'm either psycho and embittered, haven't grown up, or am afraid of commitment. I'm a fan of all 4 I will admit to being set in my ways thou'.

But look - I do know where you're coming from. But the mistake you are making is that you're looking for an ideal - and at that looking for that ideal to appear and save you from your loneliness. The thing is life seldom works like this - and as such can lead you to frustration and eventually embitterment.

And as unromantic as this sounds - that special person often just starts off as a person who becomes special over time. I believe that when people say as soon as you stop looking you meet someone - is not to do with someone suddenly appearing - but to do with your change of perception.

So I'm on a thin line of sadness and being grateful for everything that has happened by still my heart is sinking as I right this... I just want to fall in love and for her to be happy with life and with me... Where do I go from here? What should I think?... What should I do?...

Next time you feel your heart sinking - give yourself a kick in the ass and tell yourself you're not going to start feeling sorry for yourself and go and do something fun that makes you happy. Life is too short to be dwelling on what ifs, if onlys and regrets - seriously.

D.

AngryBadger

I'd say just keep putting yourself out there OP, remember that it's nothing to do with you personally that you haven't found the right person, I suspect this has more to do with you being a little bit pee'd off over your whole situation in general than you wanting a relationship in particular though.

I say this because from your original post you've had a few relationships, (albeit brief), this year with women you found engaging, and attractive, from the sounds of it you have a good circle of friends, and music is a very social scene, (as I'm sure you're well aware), so even if you made no effort whatsoever and just played the numbers odds are you'd meet someone you were genuinely attracted to by pure chance alone.

This all makes me think you're looking for a gf right now because it's a means to put more of a shape on your life. Maybe I'm completely wrong but if you're just heading back to college now i wonder if there's a few other things in your life that aren't the way you expected them to be at 26, such as being single.

If I'm wrong I'm wrong, fair enough. But if I'm right, all i can say is take it slow. Life isn't a race where you have to be the first with the house, the degree, the beautiful super model wife, and 2.5 kids. Everyone gets to wherever they're going in their own time. So if you genuinely want to be with someone just keep putting your toe in the water. but if this is just a response to maybe not being totally happy with where your life is right now, step back, take stock, and go easy on yourself.

Sláinte........kinda jumped the shark on this one....

Beetlebum

I know how you feel. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have been feeling kinda lonely since. I've been going out every weekend having fun but the last couple of weeks I've really wanted to meet someone. I'm only 25 and I know it will happen but sometimes I worry I won't find a bloke who fits what I'm looking for. Music is really important to me so he'd have to be into music. I want somebody who loves life and doesn't take it for granted, somebody who knows how to have a good time!! For some reason I only ever seem to attract weirdos. I'm like a magnet for all the crazy men in Dublin. I've woken up hungover and feeling sorry for myself the last two weekends thinking I'm never gonna meet the right guy. I've done some modelling so I know I'm attractive and I consider myself to be intelligent but I always seem to get hit on by weirdos...*sigh*....

^CwAzY^

Beetlebum wrote:

I know how you feel. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have been feeling kinda lonely since. I've been going out every weekend having fun but the last couple of weeks I've really wanted to meet someone. I'm only 25 and I know it will happen but sometimes I worry I won't find a bloke who fits what I'm looking for. Music is really important to me so he'd have to be into music. I want somebody who loves life and doesn't take it for granted, somebody who knows how to have a good time!! For some reason I only ever seem to attract weirdos. I'm like a magnet for all the crazy men in Dublin. I've woken up hungover and feeling sorry for myself the last two weekends thinking I'm never gonna meet the right guy. I've done some modelling so I know I'm attractive and I consider myself to be intelligent but I always seem to get hit on by weirdos...*sigh*....

Lol u sound like a perfect match 4 d original poster y dont yas hook up r somethin.. ???

LadyJ

Beetlebum wrote:

For some reason I only ever seem to attract weirdos. I'm like a magnet for all the crazy men in Dublin. I always seem to get hit on by weirdos...*sigh*....

OMG,are you me? Or maybe I'm you!:eek:

OP,it's really difficult to fall in love or have anyone fall for you when you are so concerned with falling in love.

I think when we start obsessing about finding someone,we tend to settle more easily and fool ourselves into believing we are in love when we aren't at all. You're still very young and have plenty of time to find someone special but I fear if you rush it,it might not be as special as it could be.

It's hard to feel good about your situation when you're watching your friends with their girlfriends,but,think of it like this :

They have already found what they're looking for and,although it is a great thing,they'll never have the fun of actually searching for it again,or the joy of realising,for the first time,that they have found it.

Enjoy the journey,because with each day you are coming closer to the end of your quest.

Beetlebum

LadyJ wrote:

OMG,are you me? Or maybe I'm you!:eek:

OP,it's really difficult to fall in love or have anyone fall for you when you are so concerned with falling in love.

I think when we start obsessing about finding someone,we tend to settle more easily and fool ourselves into believing we are in love when we aren't at all. You're still very young and have plenty of time to find someone special but I fear if you rush it,it might not be as special as it could be.

It's hard to feel good about your situation when you're watching your friends with their girlfriends,but,think of it like this :

They have already found what they're looking for and,although it is a great thing,they'll never have the fun of actually searching for it again,or the joy of realising,for the first time,that they have found it.

Enjoy the journey,because with each day you are coming closer to the end of your quest.

Think I'll take that advice on board too!!
There really are alot of weird men in Dublin. On Saturday night I was sitting on the steps in the smoking area of a bar and this guy comes over, sits down beside me and puts his head on my lap!! Another guy I hooked up with offered me €100 at the end of the night. He said 'Uh...I'd feel guilty if I didn't give you anything....here's €100...'. Un-f*cking-real!!

Kell

You sound pretty needy to me.

How about trying to work on why you are so needy and it will help you get over it. Believe it or not, humans dont need a special someone in their lives. Dont get me wrong, its nice but you dont NEED it.

Think of it another way- the fact that you reckon you need this mythical person to form your other side and make you a complete human being as you would like to be, should really be making you have a good hard look at yourself and asking the question "well what else is my life missing that I think I am going to find in person x".

Love and a partner arent a panacea.

K-


Beetlebum- Whelans, saturday? You free? Theres a tonne in it for you. :eek:

Sad Professor

i agree with Kell. whatever it is you think is missing in your life, a romantic relationship won't necessarily fill it. despite what movies have taught us, the only person who can "complete" you is YOU.

but it seems that meeting "that someone" and getting married is just one of those things we've all been programmed to think we have to do.