Im so horny! Help!

LegacyUser

Ok heres the problem,

Im with my GF about 3 years now and we have always enjoyed a great sex life, we dnt live together but whenever id stay over at hers or vice versa we would have sex (lets say 3-4 times a week)

But recently she has just lost all intrest, and it is so frustrating for me (I am quite a horney bloke) that i get into such a mood when i try it on and shes having none of it.

I dnt know why shes not intrested anymore, she has the same job shes had the last few years, no problems at home or nothing, i always satisfy her first, do nice things like give her massages and compliments hugs kisses etc and im a good looking attractive bloke but she just hasnt got the slightest intrest.

I wouldnt be the moody type, but there is nothing more frsutating than having a horn for a few hours with a girl you are mad about in the bed beside you and not getting any action. This has been happening the last 4-5 weeks (well i got lucky twice in that time) and its really really getting to me, so much that i can hardly even talk to her at these times cos im so annoyed.

And ye i have talked to her about it but all she says is "im not in the mood babe"; i dont know whats going on.
Then i thought maybe im just to horny and should calm down a bit, but 3-4 times a week for a 21 year old is about normal?

So can you guys that have been there done that give me any help or suggestions? Were both 21 by the way.

thanks!

LadyJ

Why don't you try asking why she's not in the mood?

It could be lots of things really. If she's started taking the pill,for example,this might have an effect on her sex drive. Or antibiotics even.

All I know for sure is that (not to scare you,this is just my own personal experience) when I stopped being interested in sex with a guy I'd been with for two years,it was because my feelings for him had changed.

However,as I said,talk to her about it more and see if she'll open up.

Maybe it's just the damn heat!

Nevyn

Honestly it is too damn hot.

Magic Pips

too hot??

hot climate sex is great!!

OP, I'd ask her whats up (excuse the pun:rolleyes: ), i'm quite like yerself, 1 week without sex ,having a GF available made me ratty as hell- that being said 4 months now without any.... and i'm alright... lol go figure

Belle_Morte

Way too fr1gging hot.

Similar to LadyJ, in my experience I have found that I've gone off sex with a partner when I've lost interest in them.

That said it could be down to any number of things, although it doesn't help much if she won't tell you what they are.

LegacyUser

LadyJ wrote:

Why don't you try asking why she's not in the mood?

It could be lots of things really. If she's started taking the pill,for example,this might have an effect on her sex drive. Or antibiotics even.

All I know for sure is that (not to scare you,this is just my own personal experience) when I stopped being interested in sex with a guy I'd been with for two years,it was because my feelings for him had changed.

However,as I said,talk to her about it more and see if she'll open up.

Maybe it's just the damn heat!

Nah shes been on the pill for years now, not on antibiotics.

Although your second suggestion does explain exactly how im feeling - that shes losing intrest in me -
I think im just been to dam nice to her, there was a period last year where i was just being a total dickhead to her and she couldnt get enough of me. I dont want to resort to that but i mite have to if it doesnt resolve itself.

On the hot thing, yep its been hot the last few days but not the last 5 weeks! And it never bothered here whenever we were in Spain or whatever!

Fanny Cradock

if temperature had anything to do with it people in tropical and dry climates would be done-diddley-un for.

is she on any medication?

maybe she has started using something like the pill of late, or possibly it's stress/diet related.

LadyJ

Fanny Cradock wrote:

if temperature had anything to do with it people in tropical and dry climates would be done-diddley-un for.

People in tropical climates are used to the heat.

Don't rule it out. We Irish women are fragile creatures and when it gets hot,we get sleepy!

LadyJ

AhHere! wrote:

Although your second suggestion does explain exactly how im feeling - that shes losing intrest in me -
I think im just been to dam nice to her, there was a period last year where i was just being a total dickhead to her and she couldnt get enough of me. I dont want to resort to that but i mite have to if it doesnt resolve itself.

Don't be a fool now.

If you have to resort to being horrible to her for her to like you then it's really not a very healthy relationship.

Going out with someone shouldn't be a power battle. Spice things up if you can,might relieve the "boredom" or whatever,but don't treat her like crap,because she might not take it this time.

If she has lost interest then there's not a lot you can do really. No point trying to hold on to someone if they want to get away.

tSubh Dearg

Thaedydal wrote:

Honestly it is too damn hot.

I'm with this. All I want to do is lie quietly on cool sheets, sex just seems too energetic and hot.

Other than that it's possible that it's because of the pill or other medication. Or possibly there's some problem that's bothering her. Sometimes if something is getting to me I don't really feel like sex either.

The best thing to do is to try and talk to her and figure out what the problem is.

Kashkai

Been there mate.

I've had girlfriends that couldn't get enough of me one week and then lost all interest the following week. In my experience, it was down to a number of things:

1. They were in a strop over something I'd said/done/didn't say/didn't do but being women, I was expected to know what I'd said/done/didn't say/didn't do and they bloody well weren't going to let me near them until I'd figured it out.

2. They were worried about how the relationship was going/where it was going. Guys are shallow beasts, drink, food & sex = happy. Women are wayyyyyyyyyyy more complicated. Don't even try to figure them out.

3. They were fed up with me and about to move on (this only happened once - honest - and she tried to get back with me when new bloke didn't work out.

4. They are feeling broody and want to settle down, get married and have kids and want a COMMITMENT from you (sorry to scare you like that). However at 21 your girl sounds way to young for that.

5. They are just off sex for a while. They are not like us guys who are up for it (excuse the pun) 24/7. Sex to us is physical, its more emotional for women in my experience, not that they don't enjoy the physical side too!!. However, they can fool us into thinking they are enjoying having us love machines make out on top - have you ever seen "When Harry met Sally"?. They can fake it boy.

I'm now 37, very happily married to a lovely woman and I've got three great kids. Now she wasn't the first girl (or the second, or the third or the.........) I was with but you've got to meet the right one before you settle down. And the only way to know she's the right one is to go out with loads of different people and have fun. You're only 21 so have a blast and don't worry if this relationship doesn't work out. There'll be loads more girls out there to meet and have fun with.

Nevyn

There is a point where in a realationship when things become rountine and by rote and the rush and lust fades.

This could be part of it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the info and suggestions people!

Ye as i said though shes not on any meds nor changed her pill (which shes been taken the last few years) and ye i agree its roasting out but as i said thats just the last few days not the last 5 or so weeks.

When i bring it up she doesnt really want to talk about it and just keeps wanting to change the subject or else says shes tired (even though her routine nor stress levels havent changed at all).

I really cant go on much longer like this, as sad as it sounds as i know its only sex but its really getting to me. I dnt want to end the realtionship cos of it as i am madly in love with her but if it carries on then i mite have to.

And i have tried everything to spice things up, maybe im trying to hard. Last nite before i went up i said to myself im not going to make any moves or show any intrest and see what happens but then i couldnt help it and was all over her

Colm_OReilly

Don't just ask her why she's off sex with you just so you can have sex with her again. If you're truly interested in her (Read: Not your penis) you're more likely to have her open up and deepen the connection.

Unless, of course, you're just in a relationship for sex, in which case, you're not helping either party.

Go read David Deida's "The Way of The Superior Man" - there's an audio as well so you can stick it on your iPod.

I wouldnt be the moody type, but there is nothing more frsutating than having a horn for a few hours

Supposedly if it lasts longer than 4 hours you should get it checked out by the doctors.. or have I gotten it totally wrong?

Anyways, is it that what ye do has become too.. mundane as it were. I would advise researching into new.. positions.. give it a bit of spice and whatnot.

Also, it could be the heat, as other people have been saying

Faith

LadyJ wrote:

Don't rule it out. We Irish women are fragile creatures and when it gets hot,we get sleepy!

Ne'er were truer words spoken! I can't stay awake even when I've had a full 8 hours sleep these days. I barely have the energy to eat, nevermind having sex!

foxyloxy

As a few girls have said, I've found I've gone off sex with partners when the relationship is starting to fade.
Another thing tho....
There is nothing worse than going to bed anticipating yer man making a move, when you already know that you don't want to have sex with him. It puts you on the defensive before he even tries, and then when he does... she'll (or I in this case haha) get all indignant about it.
Its an old cliche, but sometimes a kiss and cuddle is what a girl wants without the expectation of sex.
If you could show affection without attempting to take it further, you'll reassure her that you love her.
This will help make her feel more secure (if she's uncomfortable discussing the situation for now) and maybe prompt her to open up.
And maybe a few nights of "not dropping the hand" will rouse her out of the phase? Not with the intention of pissing her off, but because you love her.

If it was to continue tho, and she won't talk about the situation, maybe you should explain your concerns about feeling rejected. Its not nice to be in that position, and as much as we say bear with her, you have feelings too. Its important to feel loved and WANTED by your partner.

cance

foxyloxy wrote:

And maybe a few nights of "not dropping the hand" will rouse her out of the phase? Not with the intention of pissing her off, but because you love her.

legend & i completely agree

You are expressing serious concerns about your relationship on this board, but you have only confronted your gf about the sex issue.

If you want to save this relationship (and possibly get lucky at the same time) you need to sit her down and talk to her about your concerns, re-assure her of your feelings and make sure she is happy.

"are you ok baby? you seem very off lately and it is really starting to worry me, i love you and ..."

sounds a lot better than

"here, missus, whats got your pants on so tight lately??!?!!"

LadyJ

Yes,I agree with cance.

You need to tell her that you are worried about the relationship. Discuss your concerns with her and tackle the issue head on. She's more likely to open up about whatever the problem is if you let down your guard a bit too.

Also,relationships are not always exciting and fun,sometimes they require a bit of work and you will face obstacles,like this. But if you really love the girl then don't give up. Find out what the problem is and figure out how to deal with it.

Don't run away and go off to find a quickie to satisfy yourself,because you'll find it won't be worth it in the long run.

Poker Hound

Sudden loss of interest in sex and you have to seriously consider there may be somebody else involved. There is a chance that she is currently cheating on you or there is somebody else that she fancies. Has she been talking about anybody at work or a friend more than usual or has she been a little bit more secretive about her mobile phone.

I went through something similar a couple of years ago. Sudden loss of interest in sex after a few years together. She started talking about a married guy in work that was confiding in her about supposed marital problems he was having. It went on for a few weeks and she was more secretive, coming home a couple of hours late from work a couple nights of the week and not been contactable on staff nights out. Suspicion got the better of me and I checked her phone after she returned from a drunken night out. Nothing in recieved messages but what I saw in sent messages shocked me. I said nothing but forwarded the messages to my number and called directly to voice mail of number she was responding to. Sure enough it was her married confidant. Firstly I alerted his wife who I had met at a staff Christmas party and it was first thing she had heard about any marital problems having recently given birth to a baby girl! Secondly I confronted my gf and after initial denials, I showed her the messages she had sent to him that I had forwarded to my phone.

In a way, I felt sorry that she had been fooled by a guy who was trying to get her into the sack by making her feel sorry for him about his supposed marital problems but he created those problems for himself because his wife had turned detective after my tip off. Lucky man I never ran into him afterwards.

In the end, I forgave my gf and we are still together.

layke

Do you think she might be cheating.

The number one sign yoiur relationship is about to end. No more sex.

Not saying this is the case or trying to make you paranoid, you know her and the situation better then I do but i've been in that boat before.

Just throwing in the card no one else has.

MojoMaker

Poker Hound wrote:

Sudden loss of interest in sex and you have to seriously consider there may be somebody else involved. There is a chance that she is currently cheating on you or there is somebody else that she fancies. Has she been talking about anybody at work or a friend more than usual or has she been a little bit more secretive about her mobile phone.

I went through something similar a couple of years ago. Sudden loss of interest in sex after a few years together. She started talking about a married guy in work that was confiding in her about supposed marital problems he was having. It went on for a few weeks and she was more secretive, coming home a couple of hours late from work a couple nights of the week and not been contactable on staff nights out. Suspicion got the better of me and I checked her phone after she returned from a drunken night out. Nothing in recieved messages but what I saw in sent messages shocked me. I said nothing but forwarded the messages to my number and called directly to voice mail of number she was responding to. Sure enough it was her married confidant. Firstly I alerted his wife who I had met at a staff Christmas party and it was first thing she had heard about any marital problems having recently given birth to a baby girl! Secondly I confronted my gf and after initial denials, I showed her the messages she had sent to him that I had forwarded to my phone.

In a way, I felt sorry that she had been fooled by a guy who was trying to get her into the sack by making her feel sorry for him about his supposed marital problems but he created those problems for himself because his wife had turned detective after my tip off. Lucky man I never ran into him afterwards.

In the end, I forgave my gf and we are still together.

Stay away from this bloke. Man what is it with the control freaks and dependent-crazies on this board??

OP and this last fella ^ must be the two least secure people posting here lately.

cance

thats not helpful mojo. not at all.

the guys in question were/are obviously in loving relationships and were gutted with even the chance of losing it, and as such have resorted to seeking help/other means to try and hold onto what they have.

granted reading your partners text msg's is terrible, but i think in his case its justified by what he found and how the situation was dealt with.

I know from first hand experience the clammy hand of inevitable/potential breakup patterns and the panic you can endure. but in most cases its fixable if both partners can speak to one another about it.

fact is OP talk to her, as soon as possible, take a half day from work, meet her at lunch, take her out, just do something now before its too late. If you actively try to fix this problem it will show her just how much you care, be perfectly honest with her about your worries/concerns, becuase if you arent now it will result in more of this or worse.

and some personal advice here, dont even consider mentioning sex in this conversation with her, "getting your bit" is not the issue.

foxyloxy

Cance, your on the button!
Can I add, having re read OP's original post. It sounds like you are making an effort in the other areas of the relationship, and I 'm wondering, if your partner is responding in kind.
Are there any other changes you've noticed? Not in her work, stress levels etc but in her manner towards you? Is she being considerate, kind and caring in the relationship and is it just this one area that's causing concern?
If she seems to have changed in more than one aspect, I think a talk is the only option. Woman do not just express themselves sexually.
This isn't a put down, but often men miss the other signals when the sexual side of the relationship is flourishing, but for woman in a relationship, sex suffers when other parts of the relationship are off kilter.
If you sand back and look at the relatioship as a whole, is this the only "problem area"?
Anyway, best of luck gettin yer knack in the near future!(my tongue is firmly in my cheek)

dudara

Being brutally honest, two things spring to mind upon reading the OP's problems

1. She is losing interest in you.

2. She is getting it elsewhere.

The first is fixable, you'll have to work on it. Dunno about the second however, everyone handles that differently.

Either way you have to talk to her, and be sensitive.

Medina

I would doubt she's seeing someone else. She would be avoiding you altogether otherwise!

Foxyloxy hit the nail on the head..especially about getting defensive and indignant;)

Sometimes I go off it for weeks at a time, and I'm only dying for it when he's not around...its the what you can't have syndrome...

My advice would be, try Foxyloxy's advice first, if that fails try mine and don't try at all...she'll be wondering what the hell's going on..she might even get mad because she's expecting you to make a move..just say you didn't want to bother her and then go for it hell for leather .

Works on me every time

LegacyUser

Show some interest in some other girls. That'll get her going ...

Magic Pips

Medina wrote:

Sometimes I go off it for weeks at a time, and I'm only dying for it when he's not around...its the what you can't have syndrome...

My advice would be, try Foxyloxy's advice first, if that fails try mine and don't try at all...she'll be wondering what the hell's going on..she might even get mad because she's expecting you to make a move..just say you didn't want to bother her and then go for it hell for leather .

Works on me every time

sorry i'm not around... and dont want to bother you...


pause


pause

Nope that didn't work! lol

OP, joking aside i'd be more inclined to take a distant aproach... dont initiate it, see what happens... if this goes on sit her down and talk about the relationship