I would like to sell my daughter into slavery

biko

Been around a while but maybe someone here hasn't seen it before. For those few of you who may be unfamiliar with her, Dr. Laura Schlessinger is an abrasive conservative radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently she said, as an observant Orthodox Jew, that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a U.S. resident
and posted on the Internet.


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
Jerry

JohnnySideburns

Not funny (IMO), but very interesting.

challengemaster

i just PMSL @ that.

JohnK

Its funny in a slightly depressing way...

humbert

I haven't read that before, very very funny, would love it if she had been caught on live tv or smething. Do the people who don't find it funny not get that it is sarcatic

Steoob

lol PWNED

threebeards

That's priceless!!

Hail 2 Da Chimp

I think Dr. Laura just got served.... Quality!

r3nu4l

I've seen it before and think it was possibly the best response anyone could have given to such an ignorant comment in the first place

Kojak

Seen it before.

jay_haych

Seen it before. Martin Sheens President Jed Bartlett in the "West Wing" used it on some chick who wouldnt rise when he walked in. Think she was a radio dj too.

Mossy Monk

very clever

nanook

its way to hot for this

Patricide

AS sven said, Pwned.

Adam

Sweet

5starpool

That Leviticus was one bitter dude.

jay_haych

Not to be so anal but there was no one called Leviticus. The book of Levitcus was written by Moses and simply means "The law of the priests" hence all the rules and laws.

......I guess I am anal

Sam Vimes

jay_haych wrote:

Seen it before. Martin Sheens President Jed Bartlett in the "West Wing" used it on some chick who wouldnt rise when he walked in. Think she was a radio dj too.

indeed she was