Separation Anxiety In 10 Month Old Baby I Mind

Littleflo

I am a childminder currently minding a little boy aged 10 month, who is generally a pretty happy child (provided he has had enough sleep) who has suddenly become inconsolable and screams crying when I leave the room for even a few moments. I have two children of my own who are generally around him so he is not being left alone and even when he is in their company he still screams. I have spoken to the parents about his anxiety and the fact that it seems to be getting worse instead of better (going on a number of weeks now) and they have said that he doesn't cry like this at home - I don't believe this however! A mutual friend has told me that his mother will regularly leave the room leaving him to entertain himself if she needs to do something, i.e. do the hoovering upstairs etc. (a job which can take a while). When my children were younger and going through their spells of separation anxiety at different stages neither children worked themselves up into such a frenzy as this little child does. I also made sure that I brought the children around with me to whatever room I was in - both of my children were walking when they experienced separation anxiety. This little boy is not crawling yet, but choosing to roll everywhere and he is extremely heavy so carrying him around into other rooms with me is not an option. A friend of mine (mother also) with many years of childcare experience advised me to leave the room for a few seconds and return quickly so he can see that I come back and graduating the lengths of time I am away from him - which I have done, but this have proven fruitless. Does anyone have any opinions/ideas on what I might do to try to help this little boy overcome his anxiety before my own children's sanity disappear!

luckat

Hmm. Maybe stop looking at it as separation anxiety and start looking at it as behaviour.

(I'm not saying he's not anxious, just that looking at it like this isn't helping you.)

Maybe you could track down a light buggy, and when you're moving from room to room, put him in the buggy and wheel him. That deals with downstairs, at least.

As for the crying, try not to react by becoming anxious and fussing over him - this just feeds into his own anxiety: "Christ! When I cry everyone freaks out. There must be something really freakin' freaky going on if it freaks them so much! Waaaah!"

When he stops crying, though, be all smiles with him, praise and play.

I wouldn't worry too much about it - he'll grow out of it. Just find a way around it, and don't let it become part of his personality that if he moans he gets attention. Give him the attention when he's sunny, a bit less when he's moany.

Littleflo

Hi Luckat,

Thanks very much for your response - I was talking to my mother in law today about him and she was inclined to think that it wasn't specifically separation anxiety which he was suffering from. She also suggested that I put him in a buggy when downstairs and bring him from room to room with me. So, I'm taking her and your advice on board and going to do just that. I don't react to his screaming crying and he generally stops crying all by himself. It's my kids I'm feeling sorry for - they are finding all the screaming and roaring all a bit difficult at the moment, however in saying that they don't get upset or freak out about it - not so far anyway!
Thanks again.

ST*

This stage is not uncommon. Around the 9mth mark it is believed that the infant discovers it is a seperate being in its own right, so it is a bit scary for them. Coupled with the fact that he isn't walking himself yet, so he can't keep up with you. Is the mother opposed to him using a walker?

Some parents feel uneasy about putting their child in a walker and worry about developmental problems in the legs. I used one for both of my boys, from about the same age, and they are fine. Once on the correct height for the child I don't think there is anything to worry about.

Until around the age of three or so - seperation may be a problem. It would be a good idea to go over this again with his mom.

Perhaps she could fork out a few euro to buy a small, lightweight, easily collapsable play pen, it might work. You could carry this room to room - he gets to see you are still nearby and you get your chores done. Put a few of his favourite toys inside and let him peer in over the playpen to see the toys in there first. Let him choose to want to be in there, rather than plonk him in and hope for the best. This method worked for my little lads thankfully.

He may not like his new changes straight away, but like everything else you will have to persevere.

luckat

If you can, it's an idea to try to teach the kid to get what he wants with charm rather than screams at this stage. Otherwise he's going to make himself miserable.

So try to react immediately, with huge smiles and big cuddles, when he's nice.

Don't be critical or anything when he screams - but give him a *big* reaction when he's nice.

Debracd

That's a good idea Luckat! But make sure you talk to his mother too Littleflo because he's obviously getting the desired reaction by screaming at home and all your good work could be undone every evening as soon as he leaves your house;)

Deb

Littleflo

I have finally managed to get to the route of his anxiety and screaming - his godmother (a friend of mine) has confided in me that his parents are rather strict with him and that the reason he doesn't cry at home like this is that he isn't allowed as he will be repremanded by being screamed at and that his parents are rather millitant with him. It certainly gives me food for thought. She also said that in her view that he cries in my home when I leave the room because he has built up a good relationship with me and that he really loves me. I was so grateful for her honesty. At least now I can work from here and know that it's not just separation anxiety anymore.

sudzs

Littleflo wrote:

....his parents are rather strict with him and that the reason he doesn't cry at home like this is that he isn't allowed as he will be repremanded by being screamed at and that his parents are rather millitant with him.

Huh? ? ?

Screaming at a 10 month old stops them crying? :eek: I really don't think so!

I don't think it is separation anxiety at all. Someone suggested the gradual withdrawal method... do that! Sounds to me like the parents are running to his side every time he cries which is neither practical nor good for the baby.

Nevyn

sudzs wrote:

Sounds to me like the parents are running to his side every time he cries which is neither practical nor good for the baby.

This can be the case esp when they are not the ones minding the child during the day they could be too precious with him when they have him.

Debracd

Hi Littleflo, I think they could be right! It sounds alot like he's playing up on you. I mind a little fella too, he's only 8 mths and for the first 4weeks he kicked up a stink every time I left his side and had to literally be on my hip from morning til evening or he'd scream the place down! It was getting to the point where my kids were completely driven insane and my 16mth old would go off into the bedroom for a bit of peace:eek:

I spoke to his mum one day and explained how his temper tantrums(they really were temper tantrums because the second I put my arms out to pick him up he'd stop crying instantly!!!!) turned into him almost making himself sick if he wasn't picked up within a minute of the first whimper and that there was no way I could carry on like that. I explained that I didn't feel comfortable leaving him to cry it out because no.1 he's not my child and is already separated from his mum so I didn't want to reinforce any anxiety he may already be suffering and No. 2 I really didn't know how far he'd go.. he can really really scream the house down!

She told me to go ahead and let him cry it out, so I did! He screamed and shouted at me while I sat beside him rubbing his head(but not picking him up) for almost half an hour:eek: Then he just sniffled, calmed down and went off to play with my DD(in his walker). The following day the crying lasted 5mins and he stopped, sniffled and went off to play, since then he hasn't done it at all. He's always a bit crankier on a Monday, but by Tuesday he's fine again!

That's just what worked for us, but you should maybe consider that he is really just playing up on you. These little people are along more clever than they look;)

Deb