DNA Testing

LegacyUser

I Love my son, always will...Is it possible to have a dna test just with him and me, without the mother knowing....my wife !! I have reasons for wanting to know this ?

Victor

I understand it is possible.

I would however urge caution and seek counselling on the possible repurcussions.

Marksie

curious22 wrote:

I Love my son, always will...Is it possible to have a dna test just with him and me, without the mother knowing....my wife !! I have reasons for wanting to know this ?

Yes it is. it is known as single parent analysis.

The companies in the uk will do it. If you pay for the test privately you are the one who gets results. no-one else knows. I believe your GP has to take the samples and sign a photograph of you and your child to establish that the samples were taken from the correct individuals.

Though things have moved on since i last worked in the field

Black Swan

curious22 wrote:

I Love my son, always will...Is it possible to have a dna test just with him and me, without the mother knowing....my wife !! I have reasons for wanting to know this ?

Then why test? Will it make you love him more if the DNA link is established? On the other hand, there is a chance that one or more persons will be hurt. What good will that do? I would recommend against testing and cherish the life that has been given to you in your son.

LegacyUser

curious22 wrote:

I Love my son, always will...Is it possible to have a dna test just with him and me, without the mother knowing....my wife !! I have reasons for wanting to know this ?

I've been in the same situation. Though in my case, my ex, in anger during an argument, actually told me one of my four kids wasn't mine. She later said it wasn't true but left me in permanent doubt for the rest of my life. It could have been a cunning revenge ploy (because I was leaving her at the time), but I was faced with a difficult decision.

I decided NOT to test. What possible benefit would there be? I love my kids equally, do I really need to know which, if any of them isn't biologically mine?

I raised them all and had more of an involvement in their upbringing than their mother (the ex was a lazy cow!). I changed their nappies, I fed them, I rocked them to sleep, I got up in the middle of the night when they cried, I took them to the park and played footie - all that good stuff.

Now imagine I had scientific proof that one of them wasn't mine... I'd spend the rest of my life wondering who the father was; wondering when had my ex had been unfaithful to me (though I think I know...); wondering if I could love someone elses child equally; wondering what to tell that child later in life?etc etc.

Personally I'd rather just handle the single small doubt about biology that all the rest of the confusion a test would bring.

Miss Fluff

A friend of mine toook a swab from his "son's" mouth and sent everything off to a company in the UK which specialises in DNA testing. Weeks later the results came back and needless to say his little boy was not his son after all. All I'll say is to be prepared for the repurcussions. You say you love the boy and always will but if tests prove he is NOT your biological son, it will change things indelibly so just be prepared for the consequences.

fuzzywiggle

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Then why test? Will it make you love him more if the DNA link is established? On the other hand, there is a chance that one or more persons will be hurt. What good will that do? I would recommend against testing and cherish the life that has been given to you in your son.

That is complete rubbish. It is only natural for him to want to know if it is his biological son or not. The result will not make him love his son more or less but he's obviously curious as would most people be in the same situation. Good luck OP

Sabre0001

I don't think you need to know...What difference will it make if the tests show that he is? On the other hand, it could have a difference if they show otherwise...

You raised him, did all the things that children need, and you will always be there...In my opinion, that makes you the father...

Why change the great thing that you have...Just my €0.02

Sleepy

You're the only father your son has ever known. Why risk robbing him of that?

Wing Walker

Curious22,

I understand the reasons for someone wanting to know this. I agree with fuzzywiggle, it's only natural to want to know. I did a quick search on google and came up with the following site www.thepaternitycompany.ie

Perhaps you might want to talk to someone about your concerns first before you do go ahead and get a paternity test done.

I hope everything works out for you.

*a*

its up to you, but god forbid your son gets sick and that is the moment you find out whether he is yours or not! it is a tough decisions and as the others have said you may or may not like the outcome....the outcome will not only affect you and your son but also his mother (and possible biological father), grand parents, siblings etc!
Did his mother indicate that he may not be yours?
Do you really want to know, so much so that you would risk getting a negative result?

D-Generate

Go for it. Its an itch that will need to be scratched and you might aswell do it now rather than live for the rest of your life wondering.

King of Kings

no matter how much you think you'll love him afterwads it won'tbe the same - you know you'll blow up at your wife if you're not the dad and you could be left with no kid...i dunno how the court will give you access etc...if you are not the biological dad....(somebody else may know this)


You may think you want to know but really think long and hard about it.
If you've bonded - it may destroy you. A guy I worked with found out his 4 year old wasn't his and he ended up on a bender for 2 years.

but then again you must be suspect to think about this anyway...have a think about the suspicions first and decide if they're real or just paranoia

jimmycrackcorm

I don't understand how anybody can post advising to ignore the truth. Sure some people might not be able to hanlde it but we all have to dealwith uncomfortable situations. It's not like we should for example write to newspaper editors and tell them not to print the truth as we'd all be happier living with a lie.


If the op really loves his son then the truth won't matter otherwise he never really did.

BoozyBabe

TBH, what I took from the thread is this:-

He has a son, he loves him unconditionally, regardless of the outcome of the test.

Why I think he wants the test is that he has a suspicion that his wife cheated on him, & wants the proof, or reason to leave her.

I'm not a parent, but I think if I'd cared for a baby from they were just a few hours old, til whatever age his son is now, loved them as my own, etc, after that bond has been established between me & my child, to be told the child wasn't mine wouldn't make me love it any less.

The Corinthian

We don’t know the OP’s circumstances. It may be an itch that he has to scratch or it’ll drive him mad - sometimes the truth, however unpalatable, is preferable to that. He may not be in a relationship with the mother and simply paying child support - it’s not unusual (there’s even been a few threads here on it) for a guy to be told that he’s the father because the real father can’t be traced for or can’t afford child support. It may genuinely also be for a different reason.

Nonetheless, I would recommend that the OP consider the ramifications of discovering the child is not his. If he can deal with these and he as just cause to ask, then he should.

LadyJ

The Corinthian wrote:

We don’t know the OP’s circumstances. It may be an itch that he has to scratch or it’ll drive him mad - sometimes the truth, however unpalatable, is preferable to that. He may not be in a relationship with the mother and simply paying child support - it’s not unusual (there’s even been a few threads here on it) for a guy to be told that he’s the father because the real father can’t be traced for or can’t afford child support. It may genuinely also be for a different reason.

Exactly.

I can understand why some people might think this is a bad idea but,really,doesn't the man have a right to know if this is his child?

A woman,obviously,always knows if a child is her's or not,so why shouldn't a man have the right to know this for sure too?

It won't "rob the child of the only father he's ever known". People are told that they are adopted etc. all the time and they still consider the adoptive parents to be their mother and father. No love is lost.

The OP loves his son and he can't flick a switch to change that so there's no harm in knowing the truth.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Go for it.

You fully deserve to know the true, whatever that may be.

LegacyUser

Don't go there wrote:

I raised them all and had more of an involvement in their upbringing than their mother (the ex was a lazy cow!). I changed their nappies, I fed them, I rocked them to sleep, I got up in the middle of the night when they cried, I took them to the park and played footie - all that good stuff.

did i marry your ex? though dunno where the 4 kids have gone but everything sounds spot on. or maybe there is a cloning device out there making mad,selfish women.

LegacyUser

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

If the op really loves his son then the truth won't matter otherwise he never really did.

we all like to think that. but after the fact things can be different....
common sense will tell you that.

we're not saying don't (well most of us) just make sure it what you want

oulu

He does not have to tell his child the result if he is not the father , he has said he loves them all and I know he does unconditionally, remember the child is blameless in all of this if worst case happens, you need to know so the sooner the better, please keep us posted hope it works out no matter what the result

Sleepy wrote:

You're the only father your son has ever known. Why risk robbing him of that?

spurious

If the test proves he is the child's biological father, I hope for his sake the child's mother never ever finds out he went for this test. Not alone went for it, but involved the child in the deceit.

If the OP feels it is worth all the possible distress it could cause, then go ahead, but be very aware what the possible fall-out is regardless of the results.

I would imagine any reputable testing agency would have counsellors that go through all this.

joebhoy1916

Wing Walker wrote:

Curious22,

I understand the reasons for someone wanting to know this. I agree with fuzzywiggle, it's only natural to want to know. I did a quick search on google and came up with the following site www.thepaternitycompany.ie

Perhaps you might want to talk to someone about your concerns first before you do go ahead and get a paternity test done.

Here's a cheaper site
http://www.genetrack.co.uk/

Crazy stuff the man want's to know if he is the child's father and some people are saying why do the test!

Go for it man you have a right to know!

http://quick.hotbot.co.uk/cgi-bin/pursuit?query=dna-home-test&cat=hb_loc&enc=utf-8

http://www.paternityexperts.com/?OVRAW=DNA%20test%20kit&OVKEY=dna%20test%20kit&OVMTC=standard

Let us know what you do and how it goes!

Marksie

joebhoy1916 wrote:

Here's a cheaper site
http://www.genetrack.co.uk/

Crazy stuff the man want's to know if he is the child's father and some people are saying why do the test!

Go for it man you have a right to know!

http://quick.hotbot.co.uk/cgi-bin/pursuit?query=dna-home-test&cat=hb_loc&enc=utf-8

http://www.paternityexperts.com/?OVRAW=DNA%20test%20kit&OVKEY=dna%20test%20kit&OVMTC=standard

Let us know what you do and how it goes!

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